Feeling judged is no joke. It can unnerve even the steadiest of beings. The question we have to ask ourselves is ‘why is this bothering me?’
The experience of being judged is common, but feeling judged is something altogether different. Being judged happens to everyone, probably almost every day and that is out of our control. However, feeling judged is on us. It is us, in our heads, functioning as our own worst enemy.
Judgement is an energetic fight for power. Like any fight it takes two. Unlike a physical fight where we want to defend our physical vehicle, the only way someone can take our power is if we perceive them as taking it.
When being judged there are two responses: ‘I don’t care’ or ‘Let me correct this’. As soon as you feel compelled to ‘correct’ the situation you have ‘lost’ because you are engaging in the power struggle. No one wins in a power struggle because the premise is that power is a finite resource, which it is not. We have unlimited power, each of us, so for us to fight over it suggests that we believe there isn’t enough for everyone.
When we feel someone is judging us and our reaction is to be defensive, there is a part of us that believes that judgement and feels shame over it. We are also saying that what someone else thinks of us is relevant to our self-image and thus we feel the need to defend it.
I recently had an encounter like this and I took the opportunity to really examine what was happening to me.
It really happened without my noticing at first. I suddenly realized my energy was in the ‘need to be understood’ space, rather than the ‘need to understand’ space I normally occupy. I felt misunderstood and quickly began to defend myself and endeavor to clear up what I thought was a miscommunication. In and of itself, that is not unhealthy, however when my efforts to clear up the miscommunication were ineffective my frustration was beginning to rise and I felt a bit unsettled.
I had to check myself.
While people can affect how we feel, it is ultimately up to us the effect it has. Especially when this is not someone in my inner circle. Of course someone in our inner circle would have much more of an affect on us than some random person outside that circle.
So, when I realized I was feeling smaller and misunderstood I energetically pulled myself out of the engagement. I allowed him to take up as much space as he needed and stopped allowing my space to depend on him. I didn’t need his approval or his understanding.
I realized that I had developed an image – a fantasy image – of this person. I had created a character profile on him, for which I really had no basis. I assumed a lot of things about this person which had me not expecting judgment. In fact, very much the opposite.
When we do this, its important to identify it quickly and come out of that headspace. We need to release the expectations we created and accept the person as they present sitting in front of us with no judgement of our own in return. Doing this immediately releases us from the power struggle and the impulse to defend our position evaporates.
The whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth until I was able to dissect and autopsy the encounter to fully digest it. Once I understood how I ended up in that situation it was easy to extricate myself from it. It didn’t stay with me.
Which led to me another insight.
The only protection we need is from ourselves.
A lot of metaphysical practitioners teach the need to put up shields to protect oneself from energetic attack and harm. The truth is that harm originates within, no matter the intention of another. We can feel the ill intentions of another. We can understand the ill intentions of another. But then we can let them go. It is when we hold them in our energetic field that they cause harm.
Think of your energetic field like your home.
If someone comes to your door, you choose whether or not to let them in the door. If you let them in the door and they drop garbage wherever they go, then you choose to clean up the trash or to let the garbage stay where it fell. When you let it stay on the floor and you revisit the unpleasant feeling you are choosing to give it life. If you pick it up and put it in the trash bin, then your home is clean and there is no unpleasantness. The next time they come to your door, you can choose then to not allow them back in since they do not treat you in a healthy manner.
If you have an encounter with someone that leaves you feeling uncomfortable it is up to you to learn from it and move on. It is up to you how it affects you. No one’s negative energy can harm you, even if it makes you feel physically uncomfortable. What you are feeling is the dis-resonance; the contrast between what you are receiving and the frequency you are resonating at. If you allow yourself to focus on that lower frequency then you ask it to take up residence in your energetic field and that is how illness and disease is formed.
This is what happens when we believe that the approval of others matters.
We are allowing those judgements to sit and fester in our energetic field. The judgements of others never resonate at our own frequencies and those contrasts cause disharmony. That is not to say that feedback from others isn’t valuable, because it is. Very. Valuable. The perspectives of others can open our eyes to things that will expand us, but they can also give us the opportunity to discern that where we are is right where need to be now.
And that is where judgement differs from judgmental. Good judgement allows us to make the right choices for ourself. Being judgmental is assessing another’s choice.
I love you.
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