13 Pieces of Wisdom

If I had to bottom line my take on living your best life, it would be this list.

#1 When People Show You Who They Are Believe Them

Maya Angelou is one of my favorite authors and this is my favorite lesson from her. I used to really get caught up in what people told me. Their behavior would show me one thing, but their words would tell me another. I always believed their words. This made me easily manipulated.

When I started to put two and two together this quote really made sense to me. People can, and will, say anything to ‘keep’ you in their illusion.

#2 Rule of Three

The rule of three applies across the board for almost everything. What you put out into the world, comes back to you threefold. Third time’s the charm. But what I mean here is the pattern formula in relationships. The first time a behavior appears it can be a fluke or an error in judgement. The second time it appears is concerning and needs to be discussed. The third time is evidence of a pattern of behavior and if the behavior is a deal breaker, it is best to walk away. The pattern is difficult if not impossible to break without concentrated effort to change.

#3 Never Go Backwards

Ex’s are ex’s for a reason. What brought you together has deteriorated and you’ve grown in different ways in different directions or you wouldn’t have broken up. Don’t look back. Don’t buy into old patterns (see #2). The exception to this is time. If more than seven years have passed and you find yourself in different places at the same time, then explore! You are both different people. Give it a try. You never know what will happen. But make sure you keep #2 close to your heart because change many not have taken place after all.

#4 The Universe Is Conspiring On My Behalf

It is easy to believe this when events we deem good come our way. When in the midst of undesirable things however, this can be difficult to embrace.

You just have to look back over your life’s disappointments, heartaches and tragedies to see how they created openings for other wonderful things to enter your life. It doesn’t mean that they weren’t painful or hard. It doesn’t erase that pain or struggle, but it does help us heal from them. Life is filled with beginnings and endings; hellos and goodbyes; starts and stops.

Knowing that everything is perfectly perfect in its imperfection and all is in Divine Timing can get us through the most confusing times.

#5 Everything Happens As It Needs To

This flows perfectly from #4. Everything happens exactly as it needs to. Exactly. You can’t moan away hours whining that you ‘shoulda’ done something different. This moment of realization is brought to you courtesy of all the moments that came before it. Not everyone’s awakening/healing will happen in the same format. What is made available to you is done so when you are available to receive it and when it is most beneficial for you.

So often we lament over “I shoulda, woulda, coulda’s”. Nitpicking over every single memory inspecting where we went wrong or where we could’ve done better. It’s a waste of time. Bread is dough until it is fully finished baking. You want bread, my friend. Be bread. Embrace the bread. (Even if you choose gluten free!)

#6 Don’t Chase Anyone Who’s Walking Away From You

Rejection is a hard pill to swallow…so don’t. Rejection isn’t a thing except in your own mind. When someone is walking away from you, either at a cocktail party or after a 20 year marriage, it is not a rejection of you. It is an expression of their needs or wants. There is nothing lacking in you that you need to feel rejection over. Nothing.

And there is likely nothing lacking in that other person either. They just have indicated to you that connection lies elsewhere for both of you. A simple, ‘thank you for clarifying’, muttered under your breath is gratitude enough! You didn’t realize that lack of connection, so be grateful they did before you spent weeks, months or years figuring it out. Next!

#7 Always Follow Your Intuition

Ever say to yourself, “I KNEW it!” after something doesn’t quite go the way you expected? Or maybe it even did go as you expected. That is your intuition. It may not (and it does not) have logic or reason behind it, but it is as true as True North. You need to cultivate that. Don’t let your brain tell you that you must justify that niggle. That niggle is your built in navigation system. This is your direct line from your Source Self. It isn’t full of fallacy like the ego mind. It is pure and clean and accurate.

As we grow up though we may be surrounded by others who have ignored their intuition. They will convince you to turn yours off to, so if you are looking to turn it back on, it might take a bit to figure out the secret codes. How to decipher between your intuition and fear can be difficult. Here’s a tip: fear will move you away from something; your intuition will move you towards something.

#8 Your Life Is Created By Your Vibration

You may have heard this already – In fact, you may have heard all of these already – but you might not fully understand it. Maybe you don’t even understand vibration. Ok, let’s get personal for a moment.

Check into your body.

  1. Think of the last time you were disappointed. How did that feel in your body? Was it heavy? Dense?
  2. Now think of the last time you had an orgasm. How did that feel in your body? Not during, but after…the afterglow. Got it? How did that feel to you vibrationally? What words would you use to describe it?

How you feel after an orgasm is a moment of your highest vibration. You can feel the energy buzzing and humming throughout your body, under your skin long after the orgasm has past. You want to make choices, take actions and have beliefs that make you feel like that, rather than how you feel when you are disappointed. Being disappointed is a moment of your lowest vibration. If you can get your thoughts to a place where they make you feel your highest vibration (HV) you will attract things, people and events that match that. Then you will respond with HV which will cause more HV things to present themselves. Its an upward cycle. I don’t need to tell you there is an equal and opposite downward cycle with low vibration, do I?

Situations that bring your vibe down are inevitable, but you can switch on your highest vibration by revisiting HV thoughts and find the closest truest thought about the current situation. (If you’ve done ‘affirmations’ and they didn’t work for you, it is because you were missing this piece.)

#9 Eliminate “Should” From Your Vocabulary

As hinted at in #5 ‘should’ is a four letter word. Ok, it’s not, but it is profane in it’s manipulations. There is and never will be another you just as you are in this lifetime. Never. Not one. Therefore, these rules that surround ‘should’ are bogus. No one ‘should’ do or be or have anything specific at any given time.

Instead of shoulding yourself, “I should do this because it is the right thing to do”, say instead “I want (or need) to do this.” We all do things we don’t really want to do, for the sake of a healthy relationship. “I don’t want to go hiking, but I do want to participate in an activity that my beloved enjoys.” Should is a derivative of guilt and guilt needs to be a non-entity in your life.

#10 Let Go Of That Which No Longer Serves You

I remember the last nigh-nigh (pacifier) that my daughter had. She used them only when she went to bed, which is how they got their name. Nigh-nigh. At the point that I intuitively felt she could fall asleep without them, I stopped replacing them. By this time she understood the term ‘broken’ and that when things were broken we could not fix them and they went into the trash. So, as each nigh-nigh deteriorated I let her throw them away. One by one she let them go. They were no longer necessary. They no longer served her.

It is the same for many beliefs/thoughts/relationship/material possessions in our lives. We hold on, sometimes, just for the sake of holding on. We need to step back and see if something is serving us. We ask ourselves, ‘is this serving my highest good?’ ‘Is this taking me towards or away from my highest best life?’ And we let go of what isn’t and allow the Universe to present what is next.

#11 Fear Leads You Away From Something

I mentioned this in #7 but it is important enough to stand on it’s own as many of us cannot tell the difference between being cautious and letting fear get in our way. Now, I am not talking about the sort of fear that tells you not to go down a dark alley at midnight. I am talking about the kind that prevents you from expanding your wings and trying something new. The one that tells your heart, you can’t.

Intuition, says “meh, no not this, but maybe this”, while fear says, “oh no I can’t! That’s foolish! I could lose everything!” Intuition will always end with an alternate possibility and feeling elated, while fear will leave you in the exact same spot feeling defeated.

#12 Never Let Them Change Who You Are

Do you remember when someone first told you, ‘don’t sink to their level’? I do and I must confess it felt binding as well as vague. Internally, I wanted to hit them low when they hit me low. I wanted to impart pain in equal measure to what I’d experienced. When I did that though, it didn’t make me feel any better. The pain was still there and something else sat like sludge over the top of it.

Why? Because I was changing my nature to match someone else’s vibration. My higher self was conflicting with the lower expression of who I was. In short, I was letting them change who I was. That’s when you have lost…when you’ve lost who you are.

#13 Strive To Understand Before You Strive To Be Understood

I left this for last, because I want it to be the last taste in your mouth. I want it to hang off your lips and be the first to fall out. This is the key to successful relationships, no matter the relationship. Too many individuals are caught up in the power struggle to be ‘heard and understood’, because they feel like they have been voiceless. In a world where no one is listening that isn’t surprising.

I was raised Catholic and one of my very favorite songs is St. Francis’ prayer. It is filled with good advice that I have tried my best to live my life by. If you don’t know it, these are the words. And you can hear it here.

Prayer of St. Francis
Lord make me an instrument of your peace
Where there is hatred let me sow love
Where there is injury, pardon
Where there is doubt, faith
Where there is despair, hope
Where there is darkness, light
And where there is sadness, joy
O divine master grant that I may
not so much seek to be consoled as to console
to be understood as to understand
To be loved as to love
For it is in giving that we receive
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned
And it’s in dying that we are born to eternal life
Amen

 

I have long left my organized religious roots behind me. Or maybe they are just at the very root of who I became. I have taken the very best of what I’ve been taught and combined it with other teachings that resonated with Truth for me.

This, ‘to understand as to be understood’ is but one.

I leave you here, with this because there is no better way to leave you.

I understand, but I will never stop seeking to do so.

I love you,

~Jade

“Empowering Women”

“Empowering Women” is big business right now. Or at least it is in my circles. I can’t scroll through Facebook without an add or a post from someone who describes their work as ’empowering women’.

These people seem to have successful businesses doing it. I say seem because who knows what is real. Anyone can say anything in their own advertising. Damn, you can even write your own testimonials. People are notorious for test driving fancy cars through fancy neighborhoods, taking a photo and presenting it as if it were their own manifestation. Yes, if you are paying attention, I am a little jaded – pun intended – on my own industry right about now. Because I don’t like tactics, or facades. I like real and authentic. But that’s another topic.

I do not and will not ever say I empower women. Women -actually, everyone – are born empowered. That Light that makes you alive is power. You always have it. You can’t lose it and I can’t give it to you. I can’t even do a ceremonial ritual to activate it in you. The very best I can do is ENABLE you to access it, because someone else DISABLED your access to it, prior. Honestly, all that disabling was an illusion anyway, so I’m really just pulling back the curtain. Its easier when you have the right tools, and I’ve been collecting them for a long time now.

What I’ve noticed lately in this empowerment culture, is a call to Sisterhood. What I’ve also noticed is that it is Sisterhoods run like The Boy’s Club. It is sisterhood as long as some one is doing poorly and those in power (hierarchy) can feel good about themselves lending a hand up.

Have you noticed that in a group of women when one puts herself down, makes herself small and criticizes herself, all the other women rally around and tell her how beautiful she is, how amazing she is, how much she has to offer and that she needs to find her voice to speak her truth?

Have you also noticed that, in that same group of women, when one who’s found her voice, speaks her truth compassionately, lends her educated opinion intelligently and offers to share her gifts generously, that same group of women put her ‘in her place’ and tear her down – telling her she is full of herself, opinionated, self-promoting and self-serving? “Polite” people will call her intimidating. (I’m not talking about those who practice the ‘fake it til you make it’ protocol. That is overcompensation, not authentic and not at all what I’m referencing here.)

I’ve watched it now, specifically for 6 months in various formats. So often I see women eager to raise up others they perceive to be beneath them, and tear down other women they perceive to be above them. Even more so, I see women aggressively tear down those they might feel are equal to them, because they see them as direct competition.

This is the Old Boy’s Club paradigm at work. They have divided us first from men, then from each other by race, religion and socioeconomic status. How smart that Boy’s Club is! We do all their dirty work for them! We take each other out for the smallest crumbs at the table. All they have to do then is take out the few that rise above the culling of the herd.

We have become our own worst enemy at exactly the worst time.

This world needs the Divine Feminine more than ever, but we have disabled ourselves. We have turned on each other and made it so we would each prefer to side with men, because at least there we know where we stand. We know what to expect. We know that we will be insulted to our face, not stabbed in the back. (And I think subconsciously, we think that is the path to power.)

Ever wonder why a woman would side with a man against all reason? Why when he treats her so poorly, she will stand with him against other women? Because of the Boy’s Club mentality. It is what has women support someone who openly admits that his power allows him to grab women by the pussy, and that those women think they are special because of it. It is why we immediately question a female victim’s motives, rather than supporting her in telling her story.

Like I said, the Boys did their jobs well.

It starts early and never seems to end. I experienced sexual harassment from a gang of girls in the sixth grade. My own mother threw me out of the house when she found out I’d reported my college teacher for sexual harassment. I experienced a gang of women chiding and making fun of me after I reported having been trapped in an office by a male co-worker unknown to me who made sexual references.

Have you seen this video circulating on Facebook?

You.

Must.

Watch.

We have too much been told we are too much. We have too much been dimmed. We have too much wounded one another in the race to the top of the pyramid. Enough!

Enough of the school yard bullying. Enough of the board room bullying. Enough! If you are a woman than your first inclination towards another woman needs to be kindness not competition. Boys have pit us against one another for far too long…since grade school for many of us. Enough.

I see so many women calling themselves warriors, boss bitches and even some who call themselves ‘spiritual gangsters’. This is not the way to embrace and honor the Divine Feminine! These are all men’s pants that women are putting on! We need to be the gentler strength. We need to be Queens and Goddesses! We need to be Maids, Mothers and Crones!! We need to embrace the strong woman archetypes of all variations, not just the ones that exhibit Divine Masculine.

We need to ‘beat’ them at our game, not try to play theirs. I just watched the most heart wrenching video of one of the most heroic women I have ever heard of. She isn’t a politician. She isn’t telling her ‘me too’ story. She hasn’t gone to the board room and declared war.

She was held captive and beaten for two days by her boyfriend, before she convinced him to take her and her dog to the veterinarian’s clinic. She then got out of eyesight of her boyfriend, wrote a note and slipped it to a tech behind the desk. In the note she states that she’s being threatened and her boyfriend has a gun. The staff went into action, put them in an isolated room and called the police without alerting anyone. The arrest was made smoothly without incident to her. Then she broke down while she displayed her bruises.

If you haven’t seen it, watch it here

It’s heart breaking but makes me so proud to be a woman. Never give up.

One woman had told her story in front of the nation and faced her accused abuser. I believe 100% of women need to support her, but I am shocked to find that not so. I do not understand.

And then today I see a video of a white woman who, without cause, barred a black gentleman from entering his own apartment building. And then I saw a post by a black woman who was reported to security and the police by a white man as she was going through her own trunk.

Underlying premise…people of color cannot have nice things.

What does that have to do with empowering women? 1) What if the roles had been reversed?  What if he had done that to her? And if she truly thought he didn’t belong why did she willingly lock herself into a confined space with him? 2) That white male…would he have called the police if he’d seen that black woman being raped instead of rummaging in her trunk? Or would he have chosen ‘not to get involved’?

I do not understand the society mindset today.

Women. We need to have each other’s backs and we need to not become douchebags and call it ‘asserting ourselves’.

Let’s be better.

I love you. I do. But some days…..

~Jade

 

 

My Divine Quest

I have been on a quest as of late, to discover -for myself- an understanding of ‘Divine Feminine’ and ‘Divine Masculine’.

The Quest started with my search for the Divine Feminine and how I could connect with it more, since I have been experiencing left sided physical issues. The left side is energetically aligned with Feminine energy. To the best of my knowledge, I’ve been aligned with the Feminine for some time now, so what the fish is going on???

Back Story

I was not raised to honor the Feminine, much less think there was anything Divine about it. I was taught that my menstrual cycle was a curse, that women assist men and that my body is something to hide from men’s attention. I learned to dismiss my femininity. I learned to not say anything when someone made me uncomfortable or touched me inappropriately. I learned I did not have a right to say no. I learned to turn the other cheek and look away.

What I learned best is that masculine = acceptance.

Not too much though, because then you swing over into being rejected again because you are ‘too masculine’.

Masculine is not bad, its just not Feminine – and to operate effectively we need a balance. As a young child I had loved going down to my father’s service station. I was only two or three, but I have snippets of memory that show up whenever I smell the inside of an auto repair shop today. I also shared a dream with my best friend to be the first female players on the Chicago Cubs National League Baseball team. This was not denying our femininity, it was expressing our unique combination of masculine and feminine energies.

However, when your masculine energy is encouraged and your feminine energy is shamed, you learn to emphasize the masculine.

As I look back, I recognize all the ways I was instinctively drawn to the Divine Feminine. Everything from thriving at a woman’s college, to exploring the feminine deities of several religions. Growing up, I absolutely adored and was fascinated by my aunts and their friends who were nuns.

Instinctively, I was searching for something to fill the void I felt operating with an excess of masculine energy. It’s no surprise that I married someone who also negated my femininity. Someone who did not appreciate my yin qualities. Someone who called me needy because I wanted quality time. Someone who denied the best parts of me and I denied them too.

On my journey I have intuitively found my way to the Divine Feminine. Starting with my love of Mother Mary right through to my obsession with Quan Yin, Kali and Green Tara. I appreciate my body for all it provides. I love that it served its purpose in cradling my beloved daughter. I love that it knows what to do better than I know what it should do. I love that it has unique curves and nuances. I love how amazing it is.

All that though I kept rather hidden in my private life.

Real women act like men

I was taught that to be successful, a woman must behave like a man, dress like a man and most of all think like a man. I was taught that men would appreciate this and respect me for it. Thus I opted for Logic over Intuition, Rationalization over Feelings and Empirical Evidence over Internal Guidance to name just a few.

So, while I was instinctively drawn to the Feminine, I was externally trained towards the Masculine and it was an imbalanced affair. This is how those ailments afflicting my left side took hold.

In short I was trying to be something I wasn’t.

Oh, in case you were wondering…contrary to what I was taught, no man ever respected me for this.

The Quest

So now we come to the present day Quest. In an effort to rectify this left-sided dis-order, I set out on an adventure to explore the Divine Feminine and see if I could find my missing piece.

In my Rolfing experience the practitioner mentioned the possibility of right sided imbalance causing the left sided pain. As I did my research it became clear that metaphysically this could be the case as well.

While my childhood was filled with improper training contributing to this, my marriage of two decades only cemented the fate of my left-side. While married, I was essentially single carrying the load of both parents, mother and father.

In my profession, I also continued the dual role as I worked in a field populated by women, yet ruled by men. While healthcare and social service workers are predominantly female, the positions of power are almost exclusively male. I found myself constantly minding how I might communicate issues, with masculine verbiage, to my superiors in order to achieve harmonious resolution and existence.

So, I decided to dig deep. And in digging deep I realized that I truly did not have a clear idea of what ‘Divine Feminine and Masculine’ was.

Enter the disclaimer.

What I am about to share with you is purely personal. This is my interpretation. My understanding. Mine and mine alone. I have read everything from blog posts, to books, to oracle cards; then I meditated on what I’d learned. I had visualization journeys around it as well. I let it all sit and marinate until I could form some sort of organizational chart around it. Whether or not I am able to communicate this idea via the written word remains to be seen, but I am going to give it a go.

It could also be that this is not new to anyone but me and I’m the last one on the bus, so to speak. If that’s the case, then that’s ok by me, but I will be disappointed that you didn’t share it with me as soon as you found out.

Defining the Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine

We recognize there are two distinct energies in our Universe; Masculine and Feminine. This duality concept of Feminine and Masculine is akin to the Taoist philosophy of Yin and Yang. While there may have been lifetimes or Universes in which the Feminine reigned supreme, in our recorded history on this Earth the Masculine has had an ever encroaching reign of power.

First let me share with you some examples of Feminine and Masculine energy.

The Divine Feminine vs The Divine Masculine 

  • Feelings vs Rationalize
  • Intuition vs Logic
  • Thinking vs Action
  • Receiving vs Producing
  • Emotional Body vs Physical Body
  • Internal Guidance vs Empirical Evidence
  • Meditation vs Physical Activity
  • Creation vs Adventure
  • Nurturing vs Guarding
  • Playful vs Protecting
  • Nature vs Industry
  • Moon vs Sun

If you are like most people you will read that and find yourself on both sides of the list. That’s because everyone (and every thing) has a balance of Masculine and Feminine Energies. Imbalances do exist, however. You will find some people are heavily down one side or the other. Let me point out that this list is not a breakdown of female and male characteristics. Every human being has a unique recipe of masculine and feminine energies in their make up and it is not related to gender in the least.

Each person’s make up is as unique as their fingerprint and it is only when it becomes pathological (severe imbalance) that we need be concerned. Pathological can be what I call straight ticket, down one side or the other, or a mix of pathological from both sides, but I’ll get to that in a minute. Simply put, you are imbalanced if it is not serving you.

We all have aspects of each one of these characteristics, this is not an ‘all or nothing’ kind of list. Its a matter of  which ones are more prominent than the others. The more self-actualized we become and further along on our Spiritual evolution journey the more we will hit right in the middle of the two characteristics, striking a solid balance. This optimal balance is Divine.

Divine is the highest expression of Source we can achieve through our personalities here on Earth.

If Divine is optimum, then Pathological is the antithesis. It is a complete imbalance of Feminine or Masculine energies. On the spectrum it sits at the furthest point away from the Highest Version of your Self. On our journeys we will find ourselves at multiple points on the spectrum at any given time. As we raise our awareness, our vibration rises and this is evidenced in our behaviors.

The Feminine Spectrum: Divine / Pathological

  • Gentle / Afraid
  • Authentic / People Pleasing
  • Introspective / Isolated
  • Guidance / Passivity

The Masculine Spectrum: Divine / Pathological

  • Honor / Greed
  • Diplomacy / Conflict
  • Leadership / Aggression
  • Adventurous / Reckless

Putting It Together

It is important to emphasize that every person, every situation, every life lesson, every single encounter with another human being has elements of Feminine and Masculine energy and may occur at any point on the spectrum. If you truly wanted to examine yourself you could plot your qualities on a Cartesian plane (four quadrant graph).

Divine Femine and Masculine

As you can see, the Divine Feminine and Masculine energies work in complement not in competition. Complement here, would be Divine Feminine and Competition would be Divine Masculine. Competition is not categorically an undesirable trait. Competition in games might be desirable, competition in a partnership would not be.

This is the Divine Partnership.

What I’ve Learned

My quest has offered me a new paradigm of relatedness when it comes to understanding our Spiritual Journey here on Earth. I learned that my left sided issues are a result of avoiding the Divine Masculine action that makes me uncomfortable by opting for a more comfortable Feminine one. For instance, I employ Diplomacy (Divine Masculine) well in an effort to avert Conflict (Pathological Masculine), but occasionally conflict happens and when it does, instead of remaining in Diplomacy (Divine Masculine), I tend to switch to Passivity or being Afraid (Pathological Feminine) instead of standing in Guidance or Gentleness (Divine Feminine).

Does that make sense?

The theory being, if Conflict (a pathological Masculine) arises despite employing the Divine Masculine quality of Diplomacy, then a Divine Feminine quality (not a pathological Feminine) would be required. Hence, the strain on my left side. Another example would be if I were employing a Divine Feminine quality instead of the appropriate Divine Masculine quality. Say a situation requires me to employ Leadership, but I am not comfortable with that so I opt to employ Guidance instead. The optimal setting is a nice balance of all Divine, not one Divine over another. One should be comfortable in one’s Divine skin, as it were.

As I went further down this rabbit hole, I came to a new understanding of the Expression of Source in our lives. Source is “All That Is” and has no duality, therefore the Divine is the fullest expression of Source on Earth with its duality being the Divine Mother and the Divine Father. That the Divine Feminine/Masculine is the Divine Mother/Father. *It’s important to note this is the energy of Divine Mother and Divine Father, and not the Earthly gender roles* From there the devolution of the expression of Source on Earth splits into just plain Feminine and Masculine (this is sort of the neutral point – as much Source as Ego), then to Female and Male (a smidge more Ego than Source), to Matriarchy and Patriarchy (much less Source and more Ego – gender bias power structure), with the least evolved being Hierarchy (the least amount of Source to the greatest amount of Ego – arbitrary bias power structure). This is not to say that the amount of Source in you is less, but that less of It is showing. (Think of it like a dimmer switch.)

Divine Expression (1)

So, Now What?

Now, I have knowledge and understanding of that knowledge and can get to work really balancing out my expression of the Divine Mother and the Divine Father. I can see clearly now how this has led to my imbalances and I look forward to applying this new understanding in my self-healing.

I also look forward to sharing my results with you at a later date!

I love you.

~Jade