Acceptance

I recently published a piece called ‘Acceptance or Judgement’ and then I realized that it was all about judgement and not so much about acceptance. An imbalance I am compelled to remedy.

I find many people have issue understanding the difference between accepting and sanctioning. Let me say this about that.

I accept that you are an alcoholic. It is none of my business how you live your life. How you treat your body. How you deal with things. How your relationships do or don’t work. It is not my place to lecture you, judge you or punish you.

I accept that you have an addiction, but I don’t sanction your addiction. I don’t buy your liquor, but I also do not count your drinks. If I don’t like your behavior when you are drinking then I don’t make plans with you that include alcohol. If I am with you and you begin to drink and act in a certain way that makes me uncomfortable, I remove myself.

I accept it. I accept you. I support you. If you call me intoxicated and need a ride home, I’m coming for you. I got you. That’s acceptance of your right to do with your body, your life, what you choose.

I accept that your path is different than mine. That you don’t see the value of living in high vibration. That you don’t see the Light in everyone. That you don’t believe in magic. That you don’t see messages in every single event of life. I accept it and I don’t judge you for it.

I accept you where you are. Even when I am not there. Even when I can no longer stay with you in that place. Even when I think you’d be happier a few steps ahead. Even when you take a few steps back. I accept you.

I can honestly say that has not been the case in reverse. The most personal decisions I have made have been the most judged by others; even by others who are supposed to accept and support me. I have been demonized by those who should’ve known better and by those who didn’t know me at all. Yet, I did not judge them in return.

I never let them change who I am at my core. I cannot preach about living a higher vibe life, wanting to be free to make my own choices and then turn around and not extend the same courtesy to others – even if they are ‘drawing first blood’. That’s not my style and it never will be.

Accepting others starts with accepting ourselves.

Read that again, for good measure. No, wait. I’ll write it again, for good measure…

Accepting others starts with accepting ourselves.

I find those who’s first inclination is to find something to criticize in someone else, is only externally exhibiting an internal dialogue. I don’t believe you can be judgmental of others unless your internal landscape is filled with landmines of negative self-talk and harsh criticisms. The more you talk about someone else’s flaws the more flaws I know you see in yourself. And right now, your mindset, is in survival mode and you are thrashing about in waters of despair over your head because you can’t see the ocean is of your own making.

If I believe I am tall and someone tells me I am short and I like being short, then I am not offended by their perception of me. I am not affected at all. However, if I don’t like being short and someone comments on how short I am, I would be offended because I want to be seen as taller than I appear. I do not accept that part of myself and want to be something I am not. This creates dissonance and dissonance shows up clearly as attitude and, if not addressed, as illness.

Many do not know that I had malignant melanoma almost 20 years ago. I had not yet begun to understand how our internal world manifests our external world. I did not yet understand how that which was afflicting my energetic and emotional bodies would show up as illness and injury in our physical body.

But this experience launched me into that exploration and I see clearly now, that my lack of healthy boundaries caused my melanoma. Do you see how that correlates? Our skin is our physical boundary. It is what keeps our insides, in and the outside, outside. Our skin protects our insides from the pollutants of the outside world we live in. When we do not honor our emotional and energetic bodies we create dissonance and that dissonance then shows up in our skin.

There are other ways, besides skin cancer, that this sort of dissonance could show up. I don’t want you walking away thinking that our lack of boundaries only shows up as skin cancer. Lack of boundaries could also manifest as weight issues – over or under. It all really depends on the underlying belief that is causing the dissonance.

I could go on forever about all the ways dissonance shows up as illness or injury, but this post is not about that.

The more we learn to see ourselves with kind eyes, the more we will look upon others with kind eyes. I think kind eyes are more powerful than even gratitude, because I think gratitude can be faked. Or maybe just mimicked but not truly gratitude. Kind eyes cannot be mimicked and kind eyes move us away from dissonance.

What are kind eyes? Kind eyes are looking into the mirror, not to check to see what needs to be fixed, but to appreciate our beautiful uniqueness. Kind eyes are looking at others and immediately finding something to love about them.

Kind eyes are the heart’s eyes. They are the Soul’s eyes. They are the Creator’s eyes.

I see you. Like it or not, I see you…and I love you.

~Jade

Judgement

I’m not a very black and white thinker. In most cases I see 50,000 shades of grey. I am not an ‘all or nothing’ kinda chick…except when it comes to this.

It’s like being pregnant…you are either judgmental or you are accepting. There is no in between.

I have so many thoughts on this, I don’t even know where to begin. We all have opinions. We all see things from our own perspectives, and those perspectives are right for us…right now. Tomorrow they may or may not be the same. However your perspectives, no matter how strongly you believe in them, are never ever to be imposed on another.

Which means if you find yourself looking at someone else’s behavior, actions, words, or possessions and use the phrases “They should/shouldn’t…”, “That’s not right…”, “She really doesn’t need to…”, “He needs to…” “I wouldn’t do it like that…” you are being judgmental.

The ONLY exception to this is if you are discussing things regarding a relationship you are in. Then it is perfectly acceptable for you to, in essence, judge a person’s behaviors, actions, words and potentially even their possessions as they relate to you in your relationship or potential relationship.

That isn’t what I hear most often though. What I hear is people having strong opinions for themselves and using those opinions to judge the actions of another.

Right now I see this a lot regarding abortion.

I get you. You have strong feelings about abortion being the ending of a life. I support you in that. I support you in the times when you could’ve had an abortion and did not. I also support those who see it differently as well as those who chose to end their pregnancy, for whatever reason.

Because it is their life not mine. It is not mine to judge another, in any capacity, in anyone’s name, for any reason.

  • I do not dictate what others eat, though I have definite opinions on what ‘healthy’ means.
  • I do not dictate what others do for a living, though I have definite preferences for my own self.
  • I do not dictate whether someone is an organ donor, even though one person could save up to eight lives and a single tissue donor can save up to fifty lives!
  • I do not dictate how others raise their children although I feel very passionately about these lives.
  • I do not dictate the medical care of others even though I see how much modern day ‘medicine’ can be poisonous.

I feel good about the decisions I have made in my life, even though some of them I would not make now if presented with the same choices. That is because I learned from my journey…not because I judge myself for it.

I don’t want to be judged, therefore I do not judge and I do not assume others are judging me. That said, I know there are people who have judged me and who judge me today.

That’s ok. Look close…and learn.

Learn what it looks like to be

  • compassionate, even when it is challenging.
  • accepting, even when it is annoying.
  • inclusive, even when it is inconvenient.
  • honest, even when it is hard.

If you are judging me, you are missing out. You are missing out on an opportunity to expand your mind, your soul and your experience of life. If there is one thing I love hearing more than anything else is ‘Oh, I never thought of it like that’. Only good things ever follow that shift!

I have dug deep. Deep. To find a way of living that supports all the laws of love. I don’t talk the talk without walking that walk.

Judge not, lest you be judged…bet that I learned that one FIRST.

Judging others is a quick and easy junk food kind of thought diet that keeps incongruence and hypocrisy alive. It eases guilt for not being the very best version of yourself. When you feel you cannot or do not want to do better, it is easiest to alleviate the ill feelings around by pointing the finger at someone else and saying ‘look at how awful they are!! I would never do that!’

It is easy to say ‘if it were me, I would/wouldn’t…’, but it isn’t you, and that is the point. It isn’t you, therefore it is not for you to judge. It is not for you to decide anything for anyone else.

I will admit that I look at others and think, ”she could be happier if…” I’m still in debate with myself if this is judgment or assessment. I do not condemn that person as ‘bad’, or ‘less than’ in any way for not doing things the way I would, so for right now I am sticking with it being ‘assessment’.

As a Life Transitions Doula it is my job and my responsibility as well as my gift, to see things that individuals can do differently to attain a desired result. Unless they ask for my assistance though, I keep it to myself. On rare occasions I may make an observation and offer it, but am always receptive to the fact that they may not be ready to address these issues and my input ends there.

I may discuss it with another, but only with another who has a vested interest in the best outcome for that person, for the sole purpose of supporting said person in the highest possible fashion.

If your hobby is sitting around talking shit about people, you are being judgmental and you might as well own it out loud. Make no bones about it. Be honest about it and don’t pretend you are anything but.

I will tell you this though, what I observe in people who have this hobby, is an overwhelming dissatisfaction with life and underlying self-loathing.

I love you. I always will.

~Jade

Supporting Those In Transition