It Always Comes Down To Choice

There are only two ways to live your life: as though nothing is a miracle, or as though everything is a miracle. ~Albert Einstein

This simple quote affected me in quite a magnanimous way. Suddenly, everything made sense. It all comes down to what we choose to see.

Today I was in Meijer, grocery shopping. I’ve had a stress-filled couple of days including 9 hours in the car. I didn’t feel like showering or putting on make-up but we needed food. So, I threw on a tank top, some yoga pants and ran a brush through my hair.

As I walked through the store, I noticed how my body is moving differently. With all the foods I’ve eliminated, the inflammation in my body is also being eliminated. I notice muscles that seem to have been too paralyzed to move before. I notice how I walk differently, using different muscles, standing straighter…feeling straighter.

As I gathered the items needed I was also creating a recipe in my head. A roasted garlic cheese dip, to be exact. I hadn’t found a recipe that sounded quite right, so I’m creating it in my head as I shop, hoping it will be finished so I can gather all the ingredients.

One of the things I love about Michigan is the people are so nice here. More noticeably so than anywhere else I’ve been. I love making eye contact, smiling and exchanging greetings. Everyone this morning seemed to be particularly engaging.

I was walking through the store, with my recipe creating in my head and also thinking how really awesome Life is, and how the Universal Laws are always in effect…even if you don’t believe they exist. I had such deep gratitude and admiration for how things have shown up at my life, at just the right time as I’ve become more in alignment. All pieces have to be in place in just the right order for them to be most effective. But the beautiful thing is, you don’t have to know what that order is, you just have to work on your alignment and they fall into place!

Everything in Divine Timing. You might want to work on one thing, not realizing that something else, or multiple things, need to be aligned before that original thing.  It might be months or even years before that thing sees results, which can be disheartening if you aren’t paying attention to all the other issues coming into alignment.

The past 4 years I’ve been on a roll, even though it hasn’t felt like it. This year though it is quite evident, and I can see exactly why events needed to take place exactly as they have. Exactly.

Back to Meijer…as I was standing in the baking aisle, attempting to find sugar free chocolate chips with no artificial sweeteners, it happened. One of those crystal clear revelations. I was standing, staring at the shelves of baking chips, when this woman interrupts me to tell me about this great mixed nut find she uses as an alternative to other nuts for baking crusts.

She just started talking to me. She didn’t ask me a question about what I was looking for or what I was baking. She just offered her expertise. I found myself wondering why she chose me to reveal this secret to. I have no interest in this information at this point. I’m not even looking at the nuts.

And then I thought, “I’m really glad that I am someone with whom others want to share their experience. I’m glad she felt comfortable sharing this with me.” She was brief, didn’t take up much of my time (though time surely slowed down for all this awareness to happen.)

And in that moment, I realized I had made a choice.

I could have been annoyed or I could be grateful.

I was crystal clear on that moment when someone makes that choice. It was as if I was out of my body watching the whole encounter.

Is this one of the surprising side effects to being in alignment? It’s so strong that others are compelled to engage with you? As an empath I’ve always been someone with whom others share personal stuff rather easily, but it hasn’t always been healthy. I remember once, being trapped by a woman in a Kohl’s bathroom because she had positioned herself between me and the door and wouldn’t stop telling me about her life problems. My friend actually came to find me and pull me out after a half hour of waiting for me. But this doesn’t feel like that. This feels like something else altogether. This feels magical. It feels like a reward; sweet, kind and without boundary violations.

Life is an illusion of our own creation. That’s it. In a nutshell. You can either paint with all the colors of the pallet or stick with brown and black. It’s completely up to you. Everyone gets the same pallet, but a different canvas; it’s up to you to choose what colors go on that canvas.

monochrome photography of frames
Photo by Jimmy Chan on Pexels.com

My friends used to call me the Queen of Reframing…and I am, I suppose. Have you ever picked out a piece of unframed art? You fall in love with this piece on canvas and then begin looking for the right frame to really bring out the parts you love about the piece. The frame changes your experience of that painting. The right frame can turn a simple insignificant piece of art into a masterpiece. Of course, the opposite is also true. It can completely ruin a piece and make it undesirable. 

Framing is an art.

So (as it so often is in my writings) it is in life. At any point we have the choice of which frame to put on a particular painting.

When I get up every morning I choose the types of frame at my disposal. So when that lady approached me in the grocery store, it wasn’t random. That frame is in my energy field which communicated a resonance with her. This is how she knew it was safe to share with me. I walk through my life with that energy following me, preceding me and surrounding me.

The really beautiful thing is that it has a blossoming effect. You start with the mindset…that choice of frame. That leads to an improved vibration which feels good. This goes out into your energy field and resonates with other like-vibing things (people and events), which draws them to you. These improved experiences resonate with you on a higher vibe which feels good and improves your mindset. You then respond with an even higher vibration and the cycle starts all over again.

This is how it works. Life. It’s what people mean when they say you get back what you give out. It isn’t about usurping the natural process of life that ebbs and flows. It is about maximizing those flows and managing those ebbs, though.

It is how you make the most of life.

And that is where I shall leave you for today. In the very magical place of choice.

I love you.

~Jade

 

 

Let’s Talk Communication

Wow. I really struggled with this one this week. Did I want to do a video or a post on it? I might just end up doing both, so watch for it!

Every where I turn it seems there is miscommunication happening.

More than a handful of times in my life, I’ve been accused of getting hung up on semantics or belaboring a point, because I endeavor to understand what you are saying in the most crystal clear way possible. I have been tagged an ‘over analyzer’ as well, because, again, I want to understand.

Is this easy? No.

Is it working for me? I’d have to say yes.

While I may have accusations tossed at me and annoy some people, more often than not I can turn a misunderstanding around quite quickly. This proved invaluable in my work as a therapist working with couples and families as well as individuals seeking to have a perspective shift.

I have developed conflict resolution policies and protocols for companies. I have presented communication seminars as a form of conflict prevention. (Conflict and disagreement are not the same thing.) I include communication guidelines/tips in all the work I do. These are all indicators that its working for me.

You know how I know that not being crystal clear isn’t working for others? I see suffering. I see people end working relationships because of unexpressed expectations. Situations where a simple conversation could’ve opened up and expanded the relationship, they’ve chosen to abruptly dissolve it.

This is what I saw just this week. Someone who had hired a good quality service for months, suddenly ended the relationship without discussion. When inquired about it, several issues were revealed that had not been discussed earlier. This person dismissed the offer to have an open dialogue about their disappointments. I observed two people having a conversation with opposing views and one person deciding the conversation was disrespectful, where I saw open dialogue happening.

What makes it so hard to communicate? Why do you not want to put in the effort? Yes, it can be uncomfortable. Sometimes because you are vested in being ‘Right’. But usually because you are used to making a swift judgment and carrying out the sentence immediately, instead of taking some time to process what is actually going on. This is reactionary. Its knee jerk, ‘jerk’ being the keyword there. It is not on the path to your highest best self and life.

Talking through unmet unexpressed and even unrealistic expectations serves you better in the long run. You aren’t continually running through employees, friends, jobs, coffee houses, social media groups, etc.

I cannot tell you how many situations I’ve turned around simply by asking more questions to clarify intent. 90% of discourse has been discovered to be merely a misunderstanding of intention, quickly resolved with a ‘did you mean?’ And/or a ‘that was not my intention at all.” This has resulted in far superior relationships going forward.

This week that was not my experience, however. My personal experience with a vendor at the local Farmer’s Market, left me bewildered. This person was not open to my questions, nor even to my ‘oh no that was not what I was saying at all, in fact, quite the opposite.’ He was too involved in creating his little world of drama and discourse. He talked over me, cut me off and dismissed me. He wasn’t listening to what I was actually saying, but rather on what he thought I was going to say.

Not a way to keep a customer. No matter how many attempts I made to resolve the issue he was not hearing me. It got to the point where I returned the item I bought, asking for a refund because I didn’t want that energy anywhere near me.

I walked away in self-reflection, because I know I invited that on an energetic level. I learned what to do and not to do next time I have a whiff of someone vested in conflict.

I still was left to ponder the situations where I was a mere observer. Where others were accused of being ‘mean and nasty’ merely for expressing a differing viewpoint and wanting to discuss it. And where a mutually beneficial relationship ended because one doesn’t see the value of communicating concerns or questions.

I did what I could in the latter, which was to allow the willing one to process, self-reflect and learn from the situation (like I had done with the vendor). We used this experience to make some changes to their business practice, because this situation did highlight something that could be done better. In that respect this was a blessing, despite the loss of the business relationship.

In the former case, I’m still percolating. Not sure there is anything to do. The situation stopped escalating, but not really resolved. I like a nice clean bow on things. I believe in nice clean bows! But I respect my brothers and sisters who don’t. So, I will let it just be, as is.

Just for discussion’s sake, let’s explore the differences between conversations, disagreement, conflict and conflict resolution.

Conversations: participants equally sharing their views – similar or different – showing respect for each other.

Disagreement: two opposing views expressed.

Conflict: a power struggle between two parties with opposing views.

Conflict resolution: a structured intervention designed to incorporate a basis of communication techniques that allow the situation to go back to a conversation.

Conflict is not a necessary component of life. It is inevitable, because there are always those who are invested in being right, ie: changing someone’s mind. It is not necessary, however.

The fullness of life is experienced when we have differing viewpoints expressed in rational and calm fashion. It might go something like this…

A: “I see this.”

B: “I see that.”

A: “Interesting. How do you see that?”

B: “I see it ……”

A: “Ok, I follow that (or maybe I don’t), but then how does that fit with ….?”

Super short, but it makes the point that the emphasis is on understanding the other’s point of view, not on proving yours nor making them prove theirs. Agreeing or disagreeing doesn’t even have to come into play when you are trying to understand someone else.

Oh…understanding? The key to better communication? Its also the key to a better life. Interesting.

I love you.

~Jade

Alignment: My Best Advice

I have so much rattling around in my brain, I don’t even know where to start. I’ve been traveling the past several weeks and so much has come to light that I want to share. The ideas are coming in so fast I have not been able to sit down to write any of them down.

As I sit and let things marinate, it all comes down to one thing; alignment. The best advice I can give anyone is to work towards alignment in your life. For those who are unclear, the goal is to align your energetic vibration of your mind with that of your Soul. Making decisions that bring you closer to your highest self and head you towards the best version of yourself.

Why is that the best advice I have to offer?

Alignment/misalignment affects absolutely every aspect of your life. Every. Aspect. On my travels these past weeks, I’ve encountered those aligned and those misaligned. Those misaligned age poorly, engage in unhealthy behavior, have poor relationships, encounter health challenges and suffer with mental health issues. It probably goes without saying but their stress level is off the charts.

If you are online exploring the world of self-development then you are no stranger to the myriad of various ‘coaches’ around. It seems as though everyone is getting certified as some kind of coach. Don’t let this recent surge of coaches fool you. You can’t measure alignment by material gains. Alignment does not show up as new cars, big houses, new relationships or money in your bank account. I mean, those things can show up when you are in alignment, but those things alone do not symbolize alignment. We all know individuals with nice cars, nice big homes, lots of money in the bank, who are miserable. Do you think that is alignment? Why then do you fall for the tactics of coaches marketing ploys of professional pictures and statements of “I did this and manifested alllllll this” type of hype???!!!

I’ve been following some of these coaches a long time. A long time. You can watch them to. Do it. Watch someone before you hire them and see how inconsistent they are. I’ve seen those who have ultimately confessed to alcoholism, domestic abuse, drug use, other addictions etc. months – some even years – after they have been promoting themselves as coaches. Some just blatantly misrepresent their accomplishments or ‘exaggerate a little’ for marketing purposes. There’s more to being a coach than having survived something. You have to have actually overcome your demons. Not just one of them but all of them.

Now someone is going to tell me that isn’t possible. But it is. There is a difference between demons and issues. We always have issues to work on, that is true, but our demons are something altogether different. You have no business being a coach if you still have demons. It goes without saying that if you have demons you are not aligned.

four rock formation
Photo by nicollazzi xiong on Pexels.com

Alignment is measured by the presence of a being. An aligned person has quality relationships, engages in healthy behavior, looks younger than their age, remains present in the now and has a life full of love. This will bring you more abundance in unlimited ways than any other ‘formula’ someone wants to sell you.

I will tell you this, too, the kryptonite of alignment is safety. If you are making safe decisions -decisions designed to safely deliver an expected outcome- you are not making decisions that will bring you to alignment.

I have those around me who have done the ‘safe’ thing all their lives and they have nothing to show for it. Yes, they have nice bank accounts, marriages/relationships and nice houses, but they have lost the Light out of their eyes. That Light that comes from a Soul so in touch with its host that it can’t help but shine out!

I have done everything these people cautioned me not to do. Every. Thing. Yet, now these same people are telling me how my eyes and smile look different than they did just a few years ago. If I’m honest I can see it too, in the mirror. It’s my Light.

Alignment.

That’s what I’m doing. And everyone can do it. All you need is the discipline and determination to follow through on your intention. If you need assistance in doing that, understandable. Don’t fall for advertising though. Do your due diligence and really listen to what someone is saying and watch them for awhile before you hire them. Watch them for at least three months and note any inconsistencies.

In the meantime, make decisions that make you feel brighter, not darker. Ask yourself if this is bringing you closer or further away from your highest self. Do you even know? If you can’t tell, you could probably benefit from hiring someone to jump start your transformation.

Alignment would be the most natural thing we do, but for those along the way who sell us a bunch of goods intended to take us further and further away from alignment. Why? Because it is easier to control someone not in alignment. They are easier to manipulate with fear. Someone in alignment will never participate in something just because every one else does it. They do not get caught up in mob mentality. They don’t fall for fear based propaganda. They know what is true in their Soul. They know what resonates at a high vibration. They know.

Alignment is the most powerful health and beauty technique available, yet millions of dollars a year are spent at department and drug stores for anti-aging, weight loss and beauty products.

No man made product can replace the Light in you that has gone out.

In alignment we find peace in the most chaotic environments. It won’t matter what is going on around us because we know the truth. We know that a steady boat can weather rough waters. A boat with sails flapping and an unsteady hand at the helm, cannot navigate rough waters successfully.

Make one decision today that brings you closer to your highest self. Tomorrow make two. The next day make three. Do it that slow if you need to, but do it. You will never ever regret it.

I love you.

~Jade

Heal Your Feminine

Everything in this world is a balance of Yin and Yang – feminine and masculine energy. Both are equally important and thus must be equally nourished and fostered. However, yang qualities tend to be favored disproportionately.

In short, Yin has the qualities of darkness, moon, feminine, shade, rest, sunset and North. Yang has the qualities of light, sun, masculine, brightness, activity, sunrise and South. Because Yang energy is active and our society values active (doing) it tends to be Yang heavy. Think of how many times you or someone you know has said “I can’t just sit and ___________, I have to be DOING something!”

There are even some platitudes to help with this programming! How many heard your mother say “idle hands are the devil’s workshop”?

Yang gets the glory, but Yin requires some acknowledgement as together they are the foundation of our dualistic experience here in life on Earth.

We avoid the dark to find the light. We embrace the sun, only occasionally glancing at the moon. We have been taught feminine as weak and masculine as strong. We throw ‘shade’ as an insult. We say one is ‘resting on laurels’.

For decades now women have put their femininity to the background to prove their worth in masculine traits because feminine traits are not seen as equal. To be treated equally it was required that we mimic men.  Then when we did we were called ‘bitches’ or ‘sluts’. What was good for the goose most certainly was not good for the gander!! And in fact, it shouldn’t be!

In order for life to continue in balance we need masculine and feminine energy. We need to celebrate them both!

The world needs us to heal our feminine! Whether you are male or female, it is time to start paying attention to your Yin to balance out your Yang tendencies.

I have had a series of injuries to my left side (left side is feminine), not coincidentally I spent much of my life diminishing my Yin trying to operate fully in Yang to prove to males in my life that I was of value. My Yin traits were judged as silly, impulsive, irrational and lazy by more than just one male in my life. This left my left side vulnerable to injury because my Yin had not been nourished or cultivated.

While the masculine is about creating manifestations, the feminine is about allowing manifestations. We participate actively in the creation process, but part of that process is stepping back to allow what is meant to come forth. This is just as important as any active step, maybe more so.

Honoring our Yin means we rest to fully restore our energy supplies; take time to reconnect with nature, to plug into Mother Nature; gaze at the moon with as much admiration as we relish the sun; find beauty in the dark and not just the bright.

Above all of this I want to emphasize the importance of the quality of Yin’s allowing.

Allowing manifestations to come forth at their own pace after you’ve put in good faith effort. Put the project to the side and forget about it. Transcend the impulse to force something into being. Find peace in knowing that what is yours will come as long as you are open and aligned. Allowing permits us to surrender to the process and really understand the magnitude of our manifesting capacity.

When we let go of control we can truly understand just how much control we have.

I believe the condition of the world today is the result of malnourished Yin. Yang has run amuck and without the balance of his partner he becomes destructive.

Love your Yin, my friends.

I love you.

~Jade

 

 

 

 

 

Victim Mindset

Overcoming one’s traumas and the victim identity can be a tricky thing.

While we tend to think of victim thinking as ‘poor me’ thinking, that is only one type. Victim thinking can take many forms.

Think about trauma like conquering a mountain. The midst of the trauma is tantamount to scaling the mountain . You are at the mercy of the mountain. The mountain and your survival is what consumes you. Every step you take, every decision you make is because of the mountain. At any moment the mountain could claim your life. Your whole goal is to get to the top alive. You suffer because of the mountain, therefore you are an active victim of the mountain.

One day you find yourself on top of the mountain! You are done scaling! You commemorate your victory by planting your flag and do a dance! You sit atop the mountain and look back on the terrain that you overcame and you celebrate it! Rightfully so! You still suffer the mountain though, so you are still a victim of the mountain…a surviving victim, but a victim, nonetheless.

Then comes the time to descend the mountain. Every decision you make is still dictated by the mountain, but things are easier now. You are working with gravity and using tools that make the decent much more rapid than the ascent. You are (re)covering the terrain of the mountain and understanding from a different vantage point just how daunting the task had been. You still suffer the mountain, so you are a recovering victim, but a victim nonetheless.

At the bottom of the mountain a transport waits to take you back to a little city in the foothills of the mountain, where you get a hot bath, sweet-smelling soaps, and a hot meal, as well as a clean bed to rest in. You stay here just long enough to regain your strength. You get the proper treatment to set your wounds and injuries on the right path to healing. You debrief as others ask you questions about your adventure and you relive the accomplishment while telling the tale. You rest and begin to rise again in the aftercare, but still you suffer the effects of the mountain so you are a recuperating victim, but a victim nonetheless.

After you are recuperated you discard the equipment that was damaged in the climb, pack up your gear and head off for home. A place far away from the mountain. In your new home you put up a picture of your victory moment and store away your survival gear. Your home is decorated with many aspects of yourself, but only one picture of your conquering Mt. Trauma. Initially, new people in your life will be curious about the picture on your mantel and they will ask about it. Or you might be in a coffee shop and in conversation about what you’ve been up to, you would naturally mention that you recently conquered Mt. Trauma. After some time, however, Mt. Trauma would not come up in general conversation and you are moving away from being any kind of victim of the mountain. You are a transcending victim.

Eventually, Mt. Trauma would just be a picture on your mantelpiece. Then one day that picture might go into a scrapbook and only be revisited once in a long while along with a lot of other memories. This is the point where you have truly conquered Mt. Trauma and are no longer its victim. You have transcended victimhood and become you’re own hero!

The whole process is necessary for complete healing. You can’t skip a step. You can’t jump from survivor to transcending. Coming down from the mountain, telling your story, getting loving support to recuperate and working through to establish a new norm are all vital in getting to transcendence.

If you get stuck on top of the mountain or in the foothills you are still a victim of the mountain. You cannot stay atop the mountain yelling about how you conquered it, and not still be its victim. You cannot take up residence in the cozy foothills, repeatedly telling your story and not still be its victim. You can’t decorate your house predominantly with pictures of Mt. Trauma, plaques that say you climbed Mt. Trauma and display your survival gear as wall decorations and not still be a victim of Mt. Trauma!

If your identity is centered around how you overcame the mountain, then you have become an inside out victim of the mountain.

What is an inside out victim?

It is someone who’s whole identity revolves around being a survivor. As we’ve discussed, a survivor is still a victim. Many of those in the helping professions, including motivational speakers and self-help phenomena are doing nothing more than glorifying the victim status by disguising it with cute little catch phrases. Continuing to highlight the fact that you were once a victim only serves to perpetuate the victim status. Much like you can’t not think of an elephant when someone tells you not to think of an elephant. They are relative terms. One does not exist without the other. You cannot hear ‘survivor’ without associating it with that of which you had once been an active victim. So even though labeling yourself a survivor sounds like a healthy thing to do, you are continuing to subject your subconscious to the victim dichotomy message.

When things in your past are taking up a lot of space in conversations in the present there is a problem. Inside out victims can often come up with some elaborate schemes to present as noble and healthy individuals. Often they put themselves on display where they can show off (without making it look like it) their success at overcoming their past, setting themselves up as an authority and “help” others overcome as they did. The problem with this is that the repeated retelling of their story is the indication that they have not transcended it at all. In fact, it would be my suggestion that this person never did the recovering and recuperating necessary to reach transcending. My thought is that they kept it deep down hidden, rarely talked about it, until they came across something that seemed to give them a pass straight to transcendence. It doesn’t work that way. There are no short cuts in living authentically and healthy.

This is not to disparage all self-help motivators. The most amazing ones can offer changes in perception so drastic that they change lives. These motivators rarely reveal their own past and when they do, it is mostly in snippets to establish credibility or connection with their client. They don’t advertise their story over and over. They don’t give you fancy terms to identify yourself. They give you real tools that enable you to live a well-lived life that don’t include looking at Mt. Trauma in the rearview mirror.

You may ask why looking at Mt. Trauma in the rearview mirror is not desirable. When do you look in your rearview mirror when you are driving? When you are backing up and when you need to see what is coming up from behind you. If you are moving straight ahead there is no need for a rearview mirror.

I love you.

~Jade

Intuition: The Soul’s GPS

Over-reacting; Too sensitive; Emotional; Reading too much into it; These are a few of the words used to describe me over my life. This is how I was shamed out of relying on my intuition. In fact, at one point it was so bad that I purposely made choices opposite of what my intuition told me.

person holding string lights photo
Photo by David Cassolato on Pexels.com
You might imagine what a mess that made of things.

A real mess. The worst decisions I ever made in my life happened during that time period. Our intuition – and everybody has one – is our Soul’s GPS. It is meant to guide us on our journey through life. It is the closest thing to an owner’s manual that we have. So why do people try to talk us out of it? Because they don’t want us to see their deceptions.

The deceptions they have created to hide their own insecurities – not only from others, but from themselves as well. They don’t want to see what we see. They don’t want to feel what we feel. They don’t want to hear what we hear. So selfish. Other people putting their fears onto me, making me doubt myself, making me feel crazy, just to keep up their appearances.

This impacted my life in such a huge way. Sometimes, I feel like that whole dark time of my life was wasted. Our intuition is a part of our light and when we deny it we are flying blind. I would’ve lived a whole other life, because I would’ve made different choices – the opposite choices, actually. But regret is not an option, because everything happens for our highest good and so I hold to that.

Understanding now that my intuition was a gift meant for me to navigate life consciously, I look back on the dark time with new eyes. As I reflected upon the truths I knew but were denied, I felt anger initially and then power.

Yes, power.

I was, am and always will be powerful beyond measure. I knew what they tried to hide so fiercely from me. I knew. I knew and that unnerved them. I knew when I wasn’t wanted. When I was lied to. When I was betrayed. I knew and that scared the crap out of them. They would do anything to keep their secrets. That’s on them.

As I reflect back on that time with these new eyes, it’s as if I did make all those other choices. It’s like I never lost power. Never lost a step. Never made the wrong decision. Which means, of course, there was never a wrong decision in the first place.

Its empowering, enlightening and enlivening. Its a new day. This awakening has caused a huge shift. Huge. Suddenly it is as if the movie of my life went from black and white to high definition resolution full spectrum color. Now, when I see it in my mind, it is no longer dark, but illuminated.

Follow your intuition.

Easier said than done? I know. I get that. I didn’t even know what intuition was (primarily because those who would’ve taught me needed me to ignore it). How do you understand something that has no words, just vibration (before you even know what vibration is?)

It’s the parent’s responsibility to teach their children to honor their inner knowingness. If parents support a child’s intuition, even when (or especially when) they are picking up on something you don’t want them to know, then they will learn to follow their intuition. Not discounting or dismissing their feelings is the only way to teach a child how to use their intuition as the gift of navigation through life.

While it might be uncomfortable to talk about when they ask you why Daddy is sleeping in another room, tell the truth. Because when you try to hide such life events from them they feel conflicted between what their senses are telling them and what you are. This creates such great self-doubt. You are not protecting them. You are harming them.

Our job as parents is to prepare our children to become independent contributing members of society. So, even if we could, protecting them from the events of life wouldn’t be doing our job. Life is full of events. Some are harder than others and cause us to expand in ways events of pleasure cannot. It is a disservice to the adults our children will grow to become when we fail to prepare them by showing them how to deal with the unpleasant.

But what can I do now?

You as parents develop the future by how you raise your child, but what can you do now to develop your own intuition? The answer is ‘sooooo much!!!’

Start with simple things like anticipating which elevator door is going to open. Guess the time before you look at the clock. Guess who’s calling before you look at caller id. If you haven’t gone into a metaphysical shop to look at crystals, put that on your calendar. Go in and hold the ones that appeal to you. Hold them and see how they feel. What comes up? Do you feel heat? Cold? What does your intuition tell you about the crystal? Is it for you? If so, purchase it.

The best thing you can do to develop your intuition is communicate. When you sense something from someone you trust, ask them about it. Take the risk and express what you are you sensing. Be prepared that they may not fully disclose. What you really need is the practice expressing your impressions. The more you do it the more you will be able to discern when people are not being honest with you. When they give your their answer and you are not satisfied, when you feel ‘something isn’t right’, then you know your intuition is right on.

It’s ok. When it’s their business they have every right to keep it private. That isn’t what this is about. This is about you and learning to trust your gut. By expressing what you are sensing you are actually expressing belief and confidence in your ability. That’s all it needs to grow.

When you can see through the veil someone has put up, its unnerving. So it’s understandable that people get nervous. Let ’em off the hook. Let ’em have their secrets because you now have the key to all of it – it doesn’t matter if they validate you. No one needs to validate what you sense in order for you to know it is true. You will feeeeeeeel it.

What next?

Start making decision with nothing but your intuition. Start with something inert, like trying a new restaurant. Then by picking out a book to read by just the title. Maybe take a drive without a destination and see where you end up. Intuition is a beautiful beautiful thing. It will take you places your brain could never dream.

Don’t second guess. Trust yourself. Trust that voice within you. Before you know it you will be making the bravest leaps with no logical reason and experience the most amazing outcomes!

 

The most important thing to remember…

If you ever wonder, “Is this my fear speaking, or my intuition?”

The answer is SO simple! Intuition moves you towards something. Fear moves you away from something. My intuition never feels like fear. It feels like “nah, I think this instead.” Fear on the other hand is all “I can’t. No way. Never. I shouldn’t.”

 

One more thing…

I love you. Always have. Always will.

~Jade

 

 

 

Integration

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What do you know about integration?

To integrate: “verb [with object] 1 combine (one thing) with another so that they become a whole: transportation planning should be integrated with energy policy. combine (two things) so that they become a whole: the problem of integrating the two approaches. [no object] (of a thing) combine with another to form a whole: the stone will blend with the environment and integrate into the landscape”

Wow. Doesn’t that sound important? How often have you integrated new information on personal and spiritual development? How often have you heard healers, mentors or advisors speak on it? I’ve never heard anyone mention it.

When we introduce something new to our bodies, environments or minds we need to allow and effort to integrate the new ways/thoughts/ideas with what remains.

My husband and I are in the process of adopting a new dog. We have two already but there are many years between them and we thought the younger one would appreciate a playmate. When you bring a new dog into a family, you have to integrate it. You don’t just toss it in and hope for the best. The dynamics change and a new order must be established. You can expect fights, bites, growls and howls. You can expect at one time or another someone is going to be ready to call it quits (this might be you). You can expect that it will take time to do all these things.

The key is to keep your expectations low and your alert status high. Keep a watchful eye and nip any aggression in the bud. Redirect and allow for time out as necessary. Eventually things will fall into their own rhythm and peace will reign in your new expanded family.

The same is true for Rolfing (any energy healing too). If you’ve read my previous stuff you know I’ve been rolfing to attempt to relieve some physical symptoms I experience. Between sessions seven and eight she allows for integration. A period of time where no new sessions are done so that the body can catch up with the work that has been done and come to a new normal. A better normal. Thus the body integrates the new ways of operating.

During this time you can experience detoxing, aching, flu-like symptoms, fatigue, irritability and general discomfort. It might even get worse before it gets better (healing crisis). In short, you can expect fights, bites, growls and howls. You might even feel like calling it quits. Once your body adjusts and settles into the new commands your connective tissue is giving your muscles though, peace will reign in your new expanded body.

Our minds are no exception. When we discover new paradigms of thoughts/beliefs and introduce them into our lives we must allow for integration. Some old outdated thoughts/beliefs will be exchanged out simultaneously without issue. Still others will be forced out as the new set in. Still others will sort of fall off, without much mention, after the new has been allowed to integrate.

During this time you can experience irritability, discomfort, fear, anxiety and restlessness. You can expect fight, bites, growls and howls. You might even feel like calling it quits and just go back to the old paradigm. But once you introduce new paradigms it is hard to go back. Once you settle into the new rhythm, peace will reign in your new expanded mind. Then your Spirit will be joyous because your experience of it will be expanded as well.

Integration is likely the most important step of all -especially in personal/spiritual development- yet it is often overlooked. We live in an instant gratification society that leaves no room for integration. Today it is seek-find-ingest-move on. Where is the integration? It’s a little like shopping-purchasing-chewing-spitting out. Where is the digestion?  What good is the food if you are not digesting it? None, that’s what.

Integration of personal and spiritual development information allows for movement, acceptance and expression of the new shift.

  • Movement – allowance for the new balance to be established by the introduction of the new and replacement/reduction of the old.
  • Acceptance – to allow the new to work in your life on purpose, not default.
  • Expression – to practice this new way whenever possible – not to just ‘think it’ and retain old bad habits associated with the old (aka walk the talk).
But How?

Sit with it.

When you are introducing a new spiritual paradigm of thought, meditate on it. Sit in silence with it. Notice where it resonates (or doesn’t) in your body. What thoughts come up around it? What feelings come up around it? What emotions come up around it? Do you feel smaller or larger consciously because of it? Does it expand you?

Stand with it.

Challenge other related thoughts and beliefs you hold against the resonance of the new. When you’ve sat with something and decided that it does indeed resonate with you then weigh it against related beliefs that you’ve long just grown accustomed to. You might find that they too have outgrown their usefulness and will be replaced or just merely drop away. How does the new fit in with the old? Look for consistency and congruence. Something that is true will be true in all scenarios (with some exceptions, perhaps), so play devil’s advocate with yourself. Challenge yourself to think bigger with this new paradigm. See what else it shakes loose.

Walk with it.

Take it out for a spin around the block. Start conversations with others about it. If you don’t have any friends who get into this sort of thing there are many people on the internet exploring just these subjects (hint hint). Reach out. Conversations about such things are free. While asking for free advice on specific personal issues is not appropriate, opening up exploratory conversations is generally welcomed by all. Share your process, your conclusions and your expectations of what this new paradigm could do for you. Entertain whatever questions or doubts they might share with you. This is your chance to see if what you’re integrating has merit.

Then wear it.

Don’t be ashamed of your new shift. Wear it proudly. While it may be tempting to ‘shout it from the rooftops’ that can be obnoxious. So shout if you must, but expect you’ll turn a lot of people off. If that helps you integrate, then by all means don’t let putting people off deter you. I however, prefer to just wear it into a room. What that means is that I let the Universe determine when the information needs to be shared. When a subject comes up that relates to my belief I share it. I do it in the best possible way for it to be heard. Sharing things in certain ways will guarantee rejection before that other person really even hears it. Wording things in a non-threatening manner allows for the maximum amount of people to hear it and expand with it.

That’s integration – in a nutshell.

Questions? Start a conversation with me at jadewillowsong@gmail.com or in my too quiet facebook group https://www.facebook.com/groups/willowsongfirekeepers/

And as always remember…

I love you.

~Jade

 

 

Let’s Talk “Spiritual Bypass”

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Have you heard this term?

It has become a new buzzword in the personal and spiritual development worlds. First of all, I find it redundant. What I understand spiritual bypass to be is nothing more than regular old denial/distraction, with a spiritual flavor. No need to call it something else.

Secondly, its really convenient for those who wish to stay stuck to have a really special name to discount the next step of growth.

Spiritual bypass: just another name for denial/distraction

Denial is ignoring that a problem exists and when we are in denial we tend to distract ourselves from the work to alleviate the problem.

If you’ve been following me you’ve probably heard me say at some time that anything can be an addiction. Anything. ANY. THING.

When we think of addiction, we think of things like recreational drugs, alcohol, and prescription drugs. Then we might think of gambling, shopping and sex. Rarely will you think of work, exercise or even relationships. Anything is an addiction if you are using it to avoid processing something.

That said, spirituality can indeed become an addiction and used to usurp the current human experience you are facing and deny yourself the experience of feelings. This, from what I understand, is spiritual bypass. But its not just a bypass, its an addiction.

Spiritual bypass is when one avoids the icky sticky messy feelings of our experiences by explaining them away as ‘meant to be’ or ‘serving our highest good’. It isn’t the philosophy (‘meant to be’ or ‘serving our highest good’), its the using of it to dismiss the experience and not engage in it in the moment.

Every event in our lives needs to be processed. This is why repressed memories reap issues many years later. Like undigested food in our gut, these memories unprocessed by our mind and spirit will infect our body. Can you imagine what would happen if we had undigested food sitting in our intestines for years?

We can’t develop shortcuts to avoid the real work. Just like you can’t eat junk food, take diet pills but work out obsessively to be healthy.

Convenient label

More than a few times I’ve had the term ‘that’s spiritual bypass’ thrown at me while discussing changing perspectives to look at something in a new way to find healing. There’s no questioning, just a venomous application of the label and attempt to incite an argument.

How convenient. How nice to have a handy little term that relieves you of your obligation to improve. Don’t like what someone says when you want your victimization validated? Just accuse them of spiritual bypass. And wait until you see how many people are ready to jump in on that ambush! WOW!

It’s easy to understand how some could see it this way. In fact, there was a time when I also had that same response (without the label) to something the Dalai Lama said about attachment or suffering. I’m not sure, because now, no matter how many quotes I read, I can find nothing that resembles what I thought I read back then. What I remember clearly is this visceral reaction to someone taking away the justification I had for experiencing more suffering than is necessary.

I remember thinking, ‘that is usurping the human experience’. But as I continued to expand spiritually, I came to realize that honest emotion is not suffering – and not to what he was referring. Honest emotion are the normal human emotions we are meant to experience as part of this human being-ness.

That’s what we can’t shortcut our way through. The other stuff though. The stuff implanted into our brains by well-meaning and not-so-well-meaning individuals that creates premises that foster unnecessary suffering.

When we understand things as ‘meant to be’ or ‘serving our highest good’ after feeling the emotion of loss (for instance), we use the painful experience to expand. Pain is not equivalent to suffering. Suffering is the unnecessary struggle between your highest self and the conditioning of society. Pain is the wound, suffering is the infection.

The wound is grief after the loss of a loved one. Suffering is, after the initial period of grieving, delving into deep depression because of a belief that we only get one true love in life and you just lost yours. Suffering sets in at the time that healing should be beginning.

A compliment

More recently the term spiritual bypass was tossed at me in response to an inspired post I made about a tough subject. I love important discussions and this one was/is super important. Not only did someone I consider a spiritual mentor suggest my thoughts were spiritual bypass, but another suggested it was ignorant.

I was taken aback, to say the least. Not about the the second one, but about my spiritual mentor. I was shocked and shock leads to shift. (Ever notice that?) I realized that the image I had created in my mind about this ‘mentor’ was entirely fabricated. It was based on ego – mine actually – my idea that this ‘mentor’ was something I wasn’t and had something I didn’t. So, I was totally shocked when she couldn’t see my point and mentioned spiritual bypass. I could see so clearly how this situation is just a further evolution of the spiritual laws and beliefs that she and I had discussed and that she teaches. Why couldn’t she?

It wasn’t until writing this that I realized being accused of spiritual bypass is a compliment if you’re living resonantly. If you are living resonantly, you can’t inadvertently slip into any addiction, let alone spiritual bypass. You can’t. You spend too much time analyzing, weighing and pondering the vibration of things to be in denial! Those vibrations don’t align! Someone telling you that you are ‘spiritual bypassing’ when you have given your idea much thought and reflection is a great compliment. It means you’ve vibrated past wherever they are and have been tasked with presenting them with an opportunity to expand! What a gift that is to both!

If you are one, quick to call ‘spiritual bypass’ make sure you aren’t the one on bypass…

 

I love you.

~Jade

PS – The June 16th event is closed. July 14th is the next available Healing Rite of Passage Me-Treat and Workshop. Make sure you register before this one closes too! If you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to feel pure joy, heal old traumas or do energy healing. We’ll be doing all that and more. If you’ve felt blocked or stifled on your journey then this is the perfect opportunity to explore alternative therapies and perspectives that will enhance your experience of life.

 

 

Surviving Vs. Living Resonantly

 

“When you’re surviving you can’t dream.”

No truer words. How simple and yet so powerful. Its true, when our focus is on surviving there is no room or energy to dream. And yet dreaming is how we move beyond surviving.

Living resonantly means living in such a way that we make decisions and choices based on how they resonate with our soul. This man is a perfect example of living resonantly. He’s made choices that resonate with his soul all along the way and see how it comes out in his voice!

When we live resonantly we find our voice! We find our strength! We find true selves! We don’t have just one passion, we have a life filled with passions!!! And one passion leads to another!

Surviving is about competition…’survival of the fittest’. It is filled with the intention of lack. There isn’t enough to go around and if I don’t grab this I will fail to survive. The whole goal is on surviving not thriving. And life is meant to be about thriving. About living with purpose, intent and passion. Anything less is a waste.

As Simon says, ‘it isn’t about technical…it’s about being Real.”

That makes me think of my favorite childhood story, The Velveteen Rabbit.

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”
“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”
“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

We can’t be ugly, or imperfect, or not worth it, or not enough or…or…or…or…or to anyone except those who don’t understand. That is no reflection on us. We are not responsible for their unhappy filters that they perceive the world through.

It doesn’t matter if someone doesn’t like you because you are not their physical type, or the color of your skin, or the religion you believe in. It doesn’t matter. Those people are not your people. Those people do not understand. We cannot force them to understand by any legislation or tactic. We can only effect change by being a shining example of being Real. Because when they feel the resonance of being Real, they will notice the difference.

I thought I was just going to hit ‘share’ and be done with this. That’s what living resonantly does…it takes you places you didn’t expect but never any place you regret.

I love you,

~Jade

What Do You Mean I Create My Own Reality?!

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Photo by tyler hendy on Pexels.com

I remember the first time I heard the notion that I create my own reality.

I was 33 years old and had just been diagnosed with malignant melanoma. My co-worker and friend gave me the book, Conversations With God. My response after reading it was, “you think I chose to have cancer?!”

Of course no one would choose to have cancer consciously – unconsciously though is a whole other thing, and that’s what I hadn’t quite grasped yet. The choices we make and the energy behind them invites/creates cancer into our lives. Our bodies vibrate at a certain frequency. That frequency changes with the energy of our thoughts and beliefs. When we make high frequency choices we invite optimum health. When we make low frequency choices we create low frequency events, like cancer.

You might not know this but we all have the potential to develop cancer. Just like we can be among flu germs but our immune system fights it off and we never experience symptoms, our bodies have a system in place to prevent the division of unhealthy cells! It’s when something goes wrong with that system that cancer is allowed to develop – and that is where we create cancer in our bodies. Because it is the frequency of your vibration that affects that system.

The year prior to developing this malignant melanoma, my husband and I had been separated for 9 months. At the end of those 9 months, just as I was moving on with my life, he wanted to reconcile. My daughter was 3 at the time of the separation – the same age I was when my father died. I didn’t want her to grow up without her father too, so I agreed to the reconciliation. I was afraid. I was afraid to be out on my own financially. I was afraid to separate my daughter and her father. I was afraid – low frequency.

Coincidence? No.

There’s no such thing a coincidence.

I didn’t make the highest vibrational frequency decision in reconciling. At the time of the separation, I was devastated. I hadn’t seen it coming and wanted nothing more than to bring my family back together. As the months went by though I grew to appreciate the space to develop. I began to see opportunities for expansion and welcomed them. I had breathing space – which should’ve been a head’s up to me then. 

I went against my better judgement in reconciling with him. So, when the cancer showed up within a year after we reconciled, it was no coincidence. I had betrayed my higher self by making a choice out of fear. That’s not to say that for someone else reconciliation wouldn’t have been a high frequency choice; but for me, because I was choosing reconciliation out of fear that I couldn’t make it financially on my own, it was a low frequency choice.

I don’t remember when it finally started sinking exactly how I create my own reality. I know I re-read Conversations With God and understood it in a whole new light. That set me on my path to another level of holistic thinking.

Over the years since then I’ve had various ailments, acute and chronic. The key to my healing I found is understanding that there is rarely only one factor to any health issue. Illness depends on your mindset, your vibration and your willingness to engage in the highest possible frequency in response. It doesn’t even have to be a lot higher, it just has to be higher than the creating frequency. The key is to focus on the Light, rather than the Darkness. On the wellness rather than the illness.

Think of how much glorification surrounds battling cancer. There are walks and pink ribbons to raise ‘awareness’, but what its really doing is drawing more attention to the dis-ease.  They do not focus on inviting wellness, they focus on fighting illness. In order to fight an enemy you have to continue to acknowledge the enemy. This continues to bring the dissonance back again and again. It is recalling it into our lives time and time again, rather than calling in wellness.

This is how vibration works in our lives to create our reality. We meet a challenge with a higher vibration than created it and we expand. We begin to attract things aligned with that higher vibration. We get good at it. We get comfortable in our abilities and then something happens to nudge us to expand even further. We expand to meet our highest expectations of ourselves. We are limitless and thus our expansion will be limitless also. Just when we think we have it figured out, we will be brought new insight that causes us to expand even more and we can create an even greater reality.

If there is something in your reality that is not to your liking, you have the power to change it. Change the part of you that created it. Raise your vibration. Find the next highest belief and grasp it. Then the next higher and the next higher. Each choice you make, each thought you think are building blocks to your highest life.

Create a reality worthy of you.

I love you.

~Jade

 

Jade’s work is different and we think you will find it effective and economic. It combines Jade’s knowledge and skills cultivated over three decades of psychiatry, human services, hospice, geriatrics, crystal healing, QiGong, Reiki, and Therapeutic Touch with her natural Spirit given gifts of intuition and being an empath.

Check out our Healing Rite of Passage Me-Treat & Workshops for 2018 

Join us for more conversation in our Facebook group Willow Song Firekeepers

As of now Jade is limiting the one on one work she does. For availability please email an inquiry.

To schedule services please review options here and email Jade here to make arrangements.