Let’s Talk “Spiritual Bypass”

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Have you heard this term?

It has become a new buzzword in the personal and spiritual development worlds. First of all, I find it redundant. What I understand spiritual bypass to be is nothing more than regular old denial/distraction, with a spiritual flavor. No need to call it something else.

Secondly, its really convenient for those who wish to stay stuck to have a really special name to discount the next step of growth.

Spiritual bypass: just another name for denial/distraction

Denial is ignoring that a problem exists and when we are in denial we tend to distract ourselves from the work to alleviate the problem.

If you’ve been following me you’ve probably heard me say at some time that anything can be an addiction. Anything. ANY. THING.

When we think of addiction, we think of things like recreational drugs, alcohol, and prescription drugs. Then we might think of gambling, shopping and sex. Rarely will you think of work, exercise or even relationships. Anything is an addiction if you are using it to avoid processing something.

That said, spirituality can indeed become an addiction and used to usurp the current human experience you are facing and deny yourself the experience of feelings. This, from what I understand, is spiritual bypass. But its not just a bypass, its an addiction.

Spiritual bypass is when one avoids the icky sticky messy feelings of our experiences by explaining them away as ‘meant to be’ or ‘serving our highest good’. It isn’t the philosophy (‘meant to be’ or ‘serving our highest good’), its the using of it to dismiss the experience and not engage in it in the moment.

Every event in our lives needs to be processed. This is why repressed memories reap issues many years later. Like undigested food in our gut, these memories unprocessed by our mind and spirit will infect our body. Can you imagine what would happen if we had undigested food sitting in our intestines for years?

We can’t develop shortcuts to avoid the real work. Just like you can’t eat junk food, take diet pills but work out obsessively to be healthy.

Convenient label

More than a few times I’ve had the term ‘that’s spiritual bypass’ thrown at me while discussing changing perspectives to look at something in a new way to find healing. There’s no questioning, just a venomous application of the label and attempt to incite an argument.

How convenient. How nice to have a handy little term that relieves you of your obligation to improve. Don’t like what someone says when you want your victimization validated? Just accuse them of spiritual bypass. And wait until you see how many people are ready to jump in on that ambush! WOW!

It’s easy to understand how some could see it this way. In fact, there was a time when I also had that same response (without the label) to something the Dalai Lama said about attachment or suffering. I’m not sure, because now, no matter how many quotes I read, I can find nothing that resembles what I thought I read back then. What I remember clearly is this visceral reaction to someone taking away the justification I had for experiencing more suffering than is necessary.

I remember thinking, ‘that is usurping the human experience’. But as I continued to expand spiritually, I came to realize that honest emotion is not suffering – and not to what he was referring. Honest emotion are the normal human emotions we are meant to experience as part of this human being-ness.

That’s what we can’t shortcut our way through. The other stuff though. The stuff implanted into our brains by well-meaning and not-so-well-meaning individuals that creates premises that foster unnecessary suffering.

When we understand things as ‘meant to be’ or ‘serving our highest good’ after feeling the emotion of loss (for instance), we use the painful experience to expand. Pain is not equivalent to suffering. Suffering is the unnecessary struggle between your highest self and the conditioning of society. Pain is the wound, suffering is the infection.

The wound is grief after the loss of a loved one. Suffering is, after the initial period of grieving, delving into deep depression because of a belief that we only get one true love in life and you just lost yours. Suffering sets in at the time that healing should be beginning.

A compliment

More recently the term spiritual bypass was tossed at me in response to an inspired post I made about a tough subject. I love important discussions and this one was/is super important. Not only did someone I consider a spiritual mentor suggest my thoughts were spiritual bypass, but another suggested it was ignorant.

I was taken aback, to say the least. Not about the the second one, but about my spiritual mentor. I was shocked and shock leads to shift. (Ever notice that?) I realized that the image I had created in my mind about this ‘mentor’ was entirely fabricated. It was based on ego – mine actually – my idea that this ‘mentor’ was something I wasn’t and had something I didn’t. So, I was totally shocked when she couldn’t see my point and mentioned spiritual bypass. I could see so clearly how this situation is just a further evolution of the spiritual laws and beliefs that she and I had discussed and that she teaches. Why couldn’t she?

It wasn’t until writing this that I realized being accused of spiritual bypass is a compliment if you’re living resonantly. If you are living resonantly, you can’t inadvertently slip into any addiction, let alone spiritual bypass. You can’t. You spend too much time analyzing, weighing and pondering the vibration of things to be in denial! Those vibrations don’t align! Someone telling you that you are ‘spiritual bypassing’ when you have given your idea much thought and reflection is a great compliment. It means you’ve vibrated past wherever they are and have been tasked with presenting them with an opportunity to expand! What a gift that is to both!

If you are one, quick to call ‘spiritual bypass’ make sure you aren’t the one on bypass…

 

I love you.

~Jade

PS – The June 16th event is closed. July 14th is the next available Healing Rite of Passage Me-Treat and Workshop. Make sure you register before this one closes too! If you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to feel pure joy, heal old traumas or do energy healing. We’ll be doing all that and more. If you’ve felt blocked or stifled on your journey then this is the perfect opportunity to explore alternative therapies and perspectives that will enhance your experience of life.

 

 

Keep On Rising Anyway

I was invited to share my RISING story in a global sisterhood group. When I finished with it, I decided I needed to share it even more. So here it is…in its entirety. (You might want to make a sandwich.)

Hi, my name is Jade, thank you for the invitation to share my RISING story, Kat.

Two years ago I wrote a poem entitled “Keep On Rising Anyway”. To date it is still one of my favorites.

Hard lessons in Rising came early in my life.

It started at the age of three, my very first memory, when I woke in the middle of the night and went to my parent’s room. There lying on the floor, tangled in the sheets and blanket, my father lay motionless. I tried to wake him, but he just wouldn’t wake up. I loved my mother and my grandmother, but my father and I had a special bond.

Neighborhood kids taunted me with the notion that my father was in a deep dark hole.

My mother would later remarry and they adopted a little girl. I was so excited to have this baby sister! We were a family. A year later, tragedy struck again, when my mother and favorite aunt were in a head on car collision with a drunk driver.

My aunt was thrown through the windshield and died four days later. My mother, having hit the windshield and cracked it, survived but was forever changed.

My mother suffered with fear, anxiety, depression and survivor’s guilt and she painted my childhood with those colors. She turned to alcohol as a coping mechanism.

She taught me to be afraid, to never question authority and that seeking my own happiness was selfish. She did this because she thought it would keep me safe. She didn’t do it to harm me, yet harm me it did.

I didn’t know I had the right to say ‘no’. I didn’t know how to say ‘yes’ to myself. And I didn’t know happiness.

I suffered all the things she thought she was protecting me from. Sexual assault, molestation, date rape (before it had a name), sexual harassment and exploitation. Because of all the things I thought were true, I believed I had already failed at life and I found myself standing on the railroad tracks staring at the engine light in the darkness.

The next thing I remember is being swayed by the momentum of the train as it passed me by. I don’t remember stepping off those tracks.

Something in my changed that day. Something that enabled me to stand up against the professor who was sexually harassing me. Something that enabled me to see that I had more than sex to offer men.

Something that enabled me to start saying ‘yes’ to me, but I still had a hard time saying ‘no’ to anything less than everything I deserved.

So, I married a man I would later discover was narcissistic, pathological and mentally/emotionally abusive.

I struggled with suicidal thoughts until the birth of my 5 lb 10.5 oz little girl. She changed my whole perspective on life and living. 

She was 6 weeks early and had health challenges. At three months old we discovered she had a mass in her abdomen. The only option was surgery, the doctors just wanted to watch it for a month to see how fast it was growing before deciding when to operate.

While working in Hospice I learned something called ‘Therapeutic Touch’, a Western adaptation of the ancient Eastern energy healings of Reiki. During the month we waited to return to the hospital I did this energy healing on my daughter as often as I could. When we returned to the hospital there was no evidence of the mass. None. The doctors were speechless, offering no explanation. I, of course, needed no explanation. I knew.

From then on, energy healing was my obsession. All forms of it. I researched and taught myself multiple modalities and blended them all over the decades into something eclectic and totally unique to me. I incorporated crystals as well as essential oils as well. Starting at the age of four, my daughter often worked side by side with me on my hospice clients.

I spent 23 years with that man, while I raised our daughter alone within the walls of that marriage.

I eventually found the strength and clarity to leave that marriage and forge a new life for she and I. She was angry. I was angry. But we moved through that anger and landed on better shores.

Three years after leaving with only half our possessions, I found a man who understood my value and treats me (and my daughter) accordingly. A man who set such a fine example of a partner that my daughter now has a good relationship model to work from.

A man who supported me when I walked away from a 28 year career to follow my passion – my heart – my calling – as a healing facilitator.

A man who understood our complicated grief when my daughter’s father died two years ago.

A man who survived a brainstem stroke last year.

A man who says ‘I can’t explain why what you do works, but I know it does’ when referencing my healing abilities and credits the same for his miraculous recovery.

Now, I serve at the pleasure of Spirit in whatever way I am needed. I provide counsel, hold space and facilitate energy healing to people all over the world. I have a home and a family that allow me to invite people in for healing retreats, workshops and seminars. I am refining my craft of writing as well, expressing my voice through my blog.

All sorts of things will happen on our journey’s to rise. On your journey you may encounter high jackers, hitch hikers, thieves, speed bumps, potholes, detours and maybe even road closures…keep on rising anyway!

Keep On Rising Anyway

In raising your vibration you are likely to shake off some dirt.

Keep on rising anyway.

“Dirt” can be anything from friends, family, co-workers to jobs or marriages. Its never really that enjoyable, but its unavoidable. Sometimes the dirt you shake off will be welcomed to leave. Others will be a loss.

Keep on rising anyway.

You might have face to face stand offs or you might experience drifting apart. You might get fired, you might quit.

Keep on rising anyway.

You might lose lifelong friends or family members. You might suddenly find yourself the center of a witch hunt or town gossip (so to speak).

Keep on rising anyway.

You might find yourself on a very lonely path. You might find yourself the target of much animosity.

Keep on rising anyway.

You might find yourself in a leadership position unwittingly. You might find yourself surrounded by others seeking guidance and solace on their own paths of rising vibrations.

Keep on rising anyway.

You might find yourself on the edge of all your dreams come true. You might find yourself in a very new group of friends in the middle of some really amazing experiences.

Keep on rising anyway.

You might find yourself afraid of the change and the changes to come. You might find yourself afraid of failure, but more importantly afraid of success.

Keep on rising anyway.

Let the dirt fall away. Leave behind what no longer serves you. Walk away from those who do not understand you. Send peace to those who would wish you harm. You might find yourself higher and lighter than you’ve ever been.

Keep on rising anyway.

 I love you.

~Jade