Acceptance

I recently published a piece called ‘Acceptance or Judgement’ and then I realized that it was all about judgement and not so much about acceptance. An imbalance I am compelled to remedy.

I find many people have issue understanding the difference between accepting and sanctioning. Let me say this about that.

I accept that you are an alcoholic. It is none of my business how you live your life. How you treat your body. How you deal with things. How your relationships do or don’t work. It is not my place to lecture you, judge you or punish you.

I accept that you have an addiction, but I don’t sanction your addiction. I don’t buy your liquor, but I also do not count your drinks. If I don’t like your behavior when you are drinking then I don’t make plans with you that include alcohol. If I am with you and you begin to drink and act in a certain way that makes me uncomfortable, I remove myself.

I accept it. I accept you. I support you. If you call me intoxicated and need a ride home, I’m coming for you. I got you. That’s acceptance of your right to do with your body, your life, what you choose.

I accept that your path is different than mine. That you don’t see the value of living in high vibration. That you don’t see the Light in everyone. That you don’t believe in magic. That you don’t see messages in every single event of life. I accept it and I don’t judge you for it.

I accept you where you are. Even when I am not there. Even when I can no longer stay with you in that place. Even when I think you’d be happier a few steps ahead. Even when you take a few steps back. I accept you.

I can honestly say that has not been the case in reverse. The most personal decisions I have made have been the most judged by others; even by others who are supposed to accept and support me. I have been demonized by those who should’ve known better and by those who didn’t know me at all. Yet, I did not judge them in return.

I never let them change who I am at my core. I cannot preach about living a higher vibe life, wanting to be free to make my own choices and then turn around and not extend the same courtesy to others – even if they are ‘drawing first blood’. That’s not my style and it never will be.

Accepting others starts with accepting ourselves.

Read that again, for good measure. No, wait. I’ll write it again, for good measure…

Accepting others starts with accepting ourselves.

I find those who’s first inclination is to find something to criticize in someone else, is only externally exhibiting an internal dialogue. I don’t believe you can be judgmental of others unless your internal landscape is filled with landmines of negative self-talk and harsh criticisms. The more you talk about someone else’s flaws the more flaws I know you see in yourself. And right now, your mindset, is in survival mode and you are thrashing about in waters of despair over your head because you can’t see the ocean is of your own making.

If I believe I am tall and someone tells me I am short and I like being short, then I am not offended by their perception of me. I am not affected at all. However, if I don’t like being short and someone comments on how short I am, I would be offended because I want to be seen as taller than I appear. I do not accept that part of myself and want to be something I am not. This creates dissonance and dissonance shows up clearly as attitude and, if not addressed, as illness.

Many do not know that I had malignant melanoma almost 20 years ago. I had not yet begun to understand how our internal world manifests our external world. I did not yet understand how that which was afflicting my energetic and emotional bodies would show up as illness and injury in our physical body.

But this experience launched me into that exploration and I see clearly now, that my lack of healthy boundaries caused my melanoma. Do you see how that correlates? Our skin is our physical boundary. It is what keeps our insides, in and the outside, outside. Our skin protects our insides from the pollutants of the outside world we live in. When we do not honor our emotional and energetic bodies we create dissonance and that dissonance then shows up in our skin.

There are other ways, besides skin cancer, that this sort of dissonance could show up. I don’t want you walking away thinking that our lack of boundaries only shows up as skin cancer. Lack of boundaries could also manifest as weight issues – over or under. It all really depends on the underlying belief that is causing the dissonance.

I could go on forever about all the ways dissonance shows up as illness or injury, but this post is not about that.

The more we learn to see ourselves with kind eyes, the more we will look upon others with kind eyes. I think kind eyes are more powerful than even gratitude, because I think gratitude can be faked. Or maybe just mimicked but not truly gratitude. Kind eyes cannot be mimicked and kind eyes move us away from dissonance.

What are kind eyes? Kind eyes are looking into the mirror, not to check to see what needs to be fixed, but to appreciate our beautiful uniqueness. Kind eyes are looking at others and immediately finding something to love about them.

Kind eyes are the heart’s eyes. They are the Soul’s eyes. They are the Creator’s eyes.

I see you. Like it or not, I see you…and I love you.

~Jade

I Love You

My understanding of these three little words have transformed proportionately to my own evolution.

As a child I had the most open concept of love. I loved everything around me. Every person. Every animal. Every tree. Every plant. Every space. Every rock. Every stuffed animal. Every fairy.

I even loved myself…until my mother told me ‘vanity was a sin.’

My mother, with good intentions, taught me fear. She taught me that to love so openly would only bring heartbreak when those I loved, loved me not. Or that those I loved would use that love to manipulate and diminish me (I’m sure she didn’t realize that is exactly what she was doing).

She learned this fear from my Grandmother, who taught it to me too, when she taught me about ‘rape’ after I shared with her that I’d had my first kiss. And my mother reinforced that when she cautioned me on ‘all things male’ well into my twenties.

In my youth and young adulthood I sought love everywhere, in search of that childhood feeling of freedom, not realizing I had cut myself off from it. I believed love was selective. That in order to be loved you needed to be perfect and that in order to love you needed to find perfection.

I remember the first time I heard someone say “I love you” in a non-intimate circumstance. I don’t remember what it was exactly, some motivational/inspirational setting, and all I could think was “What a crock. You can’t love me, you don’t know me – you don’t know all the unlovable things I’ve done, been and said”.

I distrusted “I love you”.

In many ways I felt I needed to prove my love to others and thus needed others to prove their love to me. I started every relationship from a point of ‘no love’ with the understanding that if one did enough, well enough, then it would move to ‘love’.

This is not how we are meant to live. What this did was make me vulnerable (correct use of the word) to all the horrible things my mother and grandmother cautioned me about. In fact, it served to make me vulnerable to date rape, molestation, sexual harassment, bullying, intimidation, self-sabotage, poverty and prime to suffer at the hands of multiple narcissists.

I was searching for something I didn’t even believe could be mine. This became the foundation for self-sabotage in my life.

Then along came Emma. Giving birth to my daughter opened my heart and gave me a glimpse of the unconditional love I had in my childhood. It felt familiar, heavenly and ‘right’. There was no struggle. There was no “let me get to know you before I decide if I love you.”

I began to realize that we are meant to come from a place to love, right off the bat. 

The healing started with the love for my child, but it was my love for myself that was needed. I had to get back to that place and overcome the counterproductive programming that had me believe that we needed to earn love and that loving oneself was vanity.

As I began to accept myself for every imagined flaw, I began to see beauty in them. Just like the crystals I collected, with their inclusions – each ‘flaw’ a beauty mark. What made me different did not make me weird, ‘less than’ or a disgrace, it made me amazing, unique and priceless. It made me stand out as I was meant to, rather than blend in which is what I had tried to do – and failed miserably.

I ‘failed’ because I wasn’t being authentic. I was always using my energy to be something I wasn’t, in order to gain love and acceptance. There was so much incongruence between who I was being vs who I was born to be that it created a breeding ground for illness (recurring acute illnesses) and disease/disorder (cancer) to set in.

As I loved myself more, I awakened to all the people I loved that I hadn’t credited. Specifically my friends, and I started telling them “I love you”. At first it was uncomfortable – not for me, but for them. I scared a few people away with it, because they were operating with the same limited definitions I had been. Explaining what you mean to people isn’t easy, either. Especially when they are of the opposite sex. A woman only tells a man she loves him if she wants to marry him. NOT! Thus I was labeled ‘clingy’ by a few.

So, here I was telling these people I loved, that I loved them and stirring up all sorts of stuff for them, all the while experiencing more and more love! It was wonderful! The more I loved others, the more love I found for myself as well.

The truth is until and unless we accept and love ourselves, we will always find the love and acceptance of others suspect.

Meaning we will discount it as often as we can. As well, we will always give out our own love and acceptance sparingly, even when we think we are being nonjudgemental and unconditional.

Not so long ago I became overwhelmed with the realization of the love I have for my fellow humankind: people over the internet, people I witness briefly in passing and even people whose struggles have merely been relayed to me.

Spontaneously, my posts began to end themselves with “I love you”. I never even questioned it.

*in a whisper* Ok, that’s a lie. My lower self totally questioned if others would think it disingenuous – only for like a second, though.

I never thought to change it. And then the next one ended that same way. Then it became clear that I’d reached a new relationship with ‘I love you’. The one I’d had all those many years ago as a child.

Whether this is the highest evolution of “I love you” or not, it is my highest evolution to date and it boils down to this…

I love you because I love me and I see me, in you.

 

I love you, truly.

~Jade

 

Jade’s work is different and we think you will find it effective and economic. It combines Jade’s knowledge and skills cultivated over three decades of psychiatry, human services, hospice, geriatrics, crystal healing, QiGong, Reiki, and Therapeutic Touch with her natural Spirit given gifts of intuition and being an empath.

Check out our Healing Rite of Passage Me-Treat & Workshops for 2018 

As of now Jade is limiting the one on one work she does. For availability please email an inquiry.

To schedule services please review options here and email Jade here to make arrangements.