Sacred Sundays

No doubt due to my Catholic upbringing, I hold Sundays as sacred even though I no longer subscribe to an organized religious dogma. In my youth, Sundays meant attending Sunday mass and getting Dunkin’ Donuts afterwards.

As a young wife and mother we made it family day and either went out for crepes or we brought them home. No matter the tradition, Sundays have always felt special. Like they were the one day of the week when All Possibilities were palpable.

Even as a college student at St. Teresa’s, in Winona, Minnesota it was a day to stay in pajamas, be cozy, and share with friends. We often took a walk around the lakes.

Sundays feel like clean slates.

Today, I reserve Sundays as Sacred Self-Care. There is no one particular tradition, other than I don’t work unless entirely inspired to do so. There’s no agenda on Sundays. What gets done, gets done. All the rest can wait until Monday.

Sundays are for resetting.

Monday through Saturday are work days. Whether it is working for your employer, your self, or keeping up with the household chores. Sundays should hold little to none of that. Sundays should be about fueling our souls. Connecting with our highest selves and recharging.

I find limiting my television watching on Sundays has spilled over into the week. Even ‘having it on in the background’ seems to take energy from the environment. Replacing that background noise with soothing new age music positively charges the air and nurtures the Spirit.

Reading books for leisure, and not work or research related, also is a nice activity for a Sunday. Especially those cold snowy Sundays, here in lower Michigan. I include in this category, pulling out old photo albums or scrapbooks and taking a stroll down memory lane. Double bonus points if you can find someone who will sit with you while you do it.

I work with Oracle Cards as well as other card decks and often do a reading for myself using one of my many decks. Journalling about each card, it’s message and how it pertains to my life is a very therapeutic use of a Sunday.

I rarely do small screens on Sundays. No computer. No internet. It is so freeing. No drama to get caught up in. No rabbit holes to go down. Just peace in my world.

I know it is Monday at the time of this posting, but perhaps you can think this week on how to make your Sundays more Sacred and let me know if it makes a difference next week!

Peace Be With You,

Jade

When People Show You Who They Are, Believe Them

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. People know themselves much better than you do. That’s why it’s important to stop expecting them to be something other than who they are. – Maya Angelou.

This short little quote helped me understand the ‘how’ of relationships. I kept expecting people to be true to their words, because I was true to mine. That’s just not how it goes with everyone. Many people mean what they say, when they say it, but give not much thought after that. So I was torn between believing what people said (because as an empath I didn’t feel they were lying) but then disheartened when they would yet again disappoint me.

I expected them to be who they wanted to be, rather than who they were.

When people show you who they are, believe them.

I have a rule of three and it applies in many areas of my life. But one I am most adamant about is giving people three chances. Sometimes mistakes are made. Anyone can have a misstep or poor judgment once. So long as it isn’t a deal breaker that gets foofed off as a “one off-er”. A freebie, so to speak. A brief conversation might be had, or it might just be dismissed.

The second time that thing shows up, it’s a deeper conversation and it’s noted, in a file, in a drawer, in a cabinet, in my brain. The third time that thing happens, I’m done. Like D O N E done. Three times? That’s a pattern my friend. You have just showed me who you are. Now, granted there are certain things that if done once they never get the chance to do a second time, but those things are big deal breakers and go without saying.

I think largely this quote is good guidance for people caught up in co-dependent relationships, with the repeating loop of “I’ll do better”, doesn’t do better, “sorry I didn’t do better.” However, sometimes this lesson isn’t about ending a relationship. It might be about ending your expectations.

People show us all the time who they are and we immediately discern whether or not they are someone we want to get to know better. Sometimes it is easy to decide, ‘no, I don’t feel compatible with that person’ and you move on. Other times though the relationship has no red flags or warning signs. It’s a perfectly good relationship. You might laugh together. Do activities or projects together, but maybe at some point you feel like you aren’t getting out of the relationship what you put into it.

Or maybe you just feel like you aren’t getting what you need from it…

That’s what I want to talk about today.

It is perfectly OK for you to know that you ‘deserve’ what you want from a relationship, be it romantic or friendship. The thing is just because YOU deserve it, doesn’t mean the person you want it from OWES it to you.

Even if you extend to them the same respect, effort or affection. Just because you give it doesn’t mean the other person is obligated to return it. That’s when you need to adjust your expectations to fit the relationship you are actually in, rather than the one you imagined yourself to be in.

People can only offer you what they have to give. No more. And if they offer you less, well then they are telling you something aren’t they? Either they are not capable or they are not willing. Either way, they are not optimal as partners in the relationship you thought you were creating. If you were intending to create a romantic or business relationship, it is probably advisable to end that versus just changing your expectations. However, if your intention was to create a friendship then you don’t have to end it, just change your expectations.

Friendships come in many shades. There are best friends who are confidantes where the bond runs deep. There are social friends who like to go out and do things socially without much deep conversation. There are work friends you never see outside of the workplace. And a hundred other kinds of friends in between. If you were going for ‘best friend’ and you aren’t getting back what you put in, don’t scrap the friendship, just adjust your expectations. Recognize what the other person is offering you and manage your expectations to that degree.

Now let’s end on a more positive note.

When people show you who they are, believe them.

I can’t count how many times I’ve heard people say, in one way or another, “I have trust issues”, or “People have to earn my trust.” I’m here to tell you that last one is backwards and the first one says more about you than anyone else.

We don’t ‘trust’ others, we trust ourselves to put our energies into the right places. Listening for who people show themselves to be is key in that. How many times did you ‘trust’ someone, get disappointed and then look back and see the warning signs you overlooked/didn’t listen to? They were there. You know they were. You just wanted what you imagined the relationship could be so much that you chose to be deaf and blind. If you think you have trust issues, it’s because you really have imagination issues.

You imagined a future relationship and confused that with present time. You overlooked and excused behavior because you didn’t want to give up the ‘potential’ the relationship has for the future. This is imagination at its finest. You IMAGINE that the relationship will become something else in the future and therefore trade your present for it and are surprised when the results are not what you imagined. It’s kind of like wanting to bake a cake, but don’t find all the ingredients for it in your pantry, so you put together what you have, stick it in the oven and expect it to still come out like cake.

People do not earn our trust. To really be authentic in relationships you need to have the approach of trusting someone until/unless they give you a reason not to – in other words, ‘until they show you who they are’ (or who they are not.)

When people show you themselves as honest, trustworthy, attentive and understanding, believe them. Don’t make them jump through hoops to prove themselves. Enjoy the even exchange relationship and don’t overthink it. However, do pay attention when if they begin showing you themselves to NOT be those things!

Too often we get hooked into someone because they intoxicate us. Maybe they are exciting. We feel a little small sometimes but they make us feel bigger. Maybe they give us really high-highs through their antics or their humor. But with those highs or feeling big we can feel the opposite sometimes. A relationship with those kind of ‘mood swings’ is not healthy.

Oh yes, every relationship has highs and lows over time, but the highs should outweigh the lows. No one should ever try to make you feel small – ever. This is not someone to be in partnership with at all. In a healthy relationship there should be more stability than highs. You can’t be high all the time. If you are seeking highs because you feel ‘bored’ in stability then it says quite a bit about you and your interpersonal dynamics, and some internal work is in order.

Remember, you are also showing people who you – and they will believe you, too.

Peace Be With You,

Jade

The Importance of Emotional Estate Planning

True or False?

“I’m not sick. I have plenty of time to do my emotional estate planning.”

False.

While it is never too late to start emotional estate planning, it is also never too early.

Emotional estate planning should not be reserved for those suffering a terminal or chronic illness who are nearing death.

Just think back on the deaths you have experienced. How many were unexpected or were the result of a rapid decline in health?

As I reflect back on the many deaths of family and friends over my lifetime not one of them did much, if any, emotional estate planning and with the exception of my grandmother and aunt, all were rather swift and unexpected deaths.

My father succumbed to a brain aneurysm at age 46. My uncle, to an aortic aneurysm, also in his 40s. My aunt died in a car crash in her 30s. My mother died over the course of one week at the age of 74 of chemotherapy poisoning, just six months after a breast cancer diagnosis. My friend’s husband died almost instantly of a heart attack in his 50s. My friend died just a few months after a diagnosis of ovarian cancer in her 40s. My ex-husband, a non-smoker, died at age 56, six months after being diagnosed with lung cancer. While he underwent chemotherapy he developed a rare secondary cancer that spread to his brain.

This is just a sample taken from my own life, but out of eleven deaths only three were a natural result of a long well lived life. Not much time or opportunity for getting affairs in order, much less for crafting last words, goodbyes or making last memories in the last month of their lives.

My mother and my godmother were the only ones who really did any emotional estate planning and that wasn’t all that much, honestly.

My goal is to prevent as much emotional, spiritual and suffering as possible. I know how much suffering emotional estate planning can relieve. Unfortunately, most people still believe they will ‘know’ when their time is ‘about to come’ and have time to prepare.

Here’s something no one seems to remember to mention…

When you’ve received a diagnosis with a terminal prognosis, the life expectancy they give you is not a guarantee.

A prognosis is not a contract.

We’ve all heard those wonderful stories of someone being given six months to live and they went on for another five years. Those are exceptional. Emphasis on ‘exception’. The stories that are not passed along but much more common, are the ones who are given three months and only get three days.

Most importantly though, life expectancy and prognosis refers only to the state of being physically alive. It does not indicate the quality of that life. For instance, one may be given six months to live, however the last two months may be in an altered cognitive state at best, and unresponsive at worst.

The benefit of emotional estate planning is the opportunity to provide your emotional support to your loved ones before, during and even after you’re death.

How many times have you said ‘I wish I had one more…’, after you’ve lost a loved one? One more story. One more “I love you.” One more something? Emotional estate planning enables you the opportunity to set up these sorts of bonus ‘one mores’ by prompting you to make choices, take action and express yourself.

There is so much benefit to your bereaved when you do emotional estate planning, however you are the one who benefits the most!

By accepting our mortality, before it is knocking on our door, we can deepen our experiences of life, gain perspective and even change the trajectory of our lives. We gain insights not otherwise available to us when we are living in denial.

It puts things into perspective and offers us the opportunity to forgive, make amends and even repair damaged relationships. More importantly, it enhances relationships that are already awesome by strengthening our bonds in sharing profound thoughts and fears.

Taking the opportunity at any age to acknowledge death as a constant companion only brings more depth to our living. As we age however, emotional estate planning becomes increasingly necessary because death falls more into our direct line of sight rather than in our peripheral vision.

Ok, great, you now understand how important it is to do emotional estate planning, so now what?

You could begin by scouring the internet for end of life planners.

Some resources are simply books of checklists and blank lines to record where a document can be found. Others have thought provoking topics to reflect on.

A checklist is fine for grocery shopping. It’s great a tool for not overlooking something. Thought provoking topics are better. They prompt you to dig deeper than the checklist so that you are more prepared emotionally than if you simply filled out a checklist.

What neither of them have though is the availability to support you in processing the emotions that come up when you are doing this kind of planning.

And the feels are real, my friends.

There are feelings of failure, disappointment, worry and fear just to name a few. There are also feelings of overwhelming gratitude, appreciation and love. What do you do with all that? How do you process it and not allow it to overpower you? How do you transform those feelings into actions and gifts that will ease the grief of you and your loved ones?

By doing it with an experienced guide.

Initial Inventory Planning Session

90 mins.

That’s all it takes to get a good portion of the basics of the necessary planning completed. Included is your copy of the Healing Rites of Passage End of Life Planner. This planner is not available anywhere else.

The session will quickly identify where you are lacking in legal, financial, social, medical and emotional preparation as well as facilitate and complete some parts of your plan.

The session serves two purposes: 1) To get the basics of emotional estate planning completed. That’s self explanatory. At the end of the 90 mins you will have your advanced directives outlined at the very least.

At most you will have had a deep conversation outlining exactly your intentions for the end of your life care, whenever it should happen to be. You will have laid the first steps to making your family’s job of memorial planning easier.

…and the second goal…

2) To build a relationship with your end of life specialist. This is less obvious. When you build a relationship with an end of life specialist by initiating your emotional estate planning, that specialist becomes an intimate part of your life. That relationship can then be drawn upon down the road when you are in crisis. Because when you are in crisis you are automatically surrounded by professional strangers (or strange professionals, I suppose).

How about a familiar professional with all the experience necessary to help you sort out the jargon and double speak? How about a familiar professional who can remind you of the things that you decided were important when you weren’t under duress? How about a familiar professional who can remind you of those things to relieve your panic? How about a familiar professional who can ‘be the strong one’ while you and your family have that much needed break down?

It starts with 90 minutes, but lasts the rest of your life.

We Aren't Immortal

So I find myself speechless, an animal unheard of…my father is now on comfort care, unexpected to live past the weekend. Who prepares you for such a calamity of events? Who prepares you for a hostile mother, wickedness and comfortable in her environment. I’m not prepared, is anyone?”

This is an actual facebook post of an acquaintance of mine.

As I read it I felt my heart break a little. Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus and you can prepare for calamities like this. In fact, preparing for them often prevents them from becoming calamities. (You can prepare, you are just never ‘ready’.)


Let me let you in on something else….that acquaintance? She’s a registered nurse with a law degree. She’s is highly educated and works WITHIN the medical system!


We can’t keep living like we are immortal! The moment we are born we have a date with death. To see that perspective as ‘morbid’ is nothing more than denial at its finest.

Emotional Estate Planning is the forethought of emotional, psychological and spiritual preparation for your transition. Emotional Estate Planning ensures that you leave nothing ‘undone’ and that your loved ones feel supported during and after your passing.

If you answer yes to any of the following questions, then it is time to start emotional estate planning now.

  1. Have you lost one or both of your parents?
  2. Have you, or anyone you love, had a life-threatening medical scare?
  3. Have you had a partner die?
  4. Have you, or anyone you love, received a life-limiting diagnosis?
  5. Have you, or anyone you love, experienced a decline in health in the past five years?
  6. Do you have a family?
  7. Do you have children?
  8. Have you experienced the sudden loss of someone dear to you and were left with the feeling of “I wish I had one more day with them”?
  9. Have you had conversations about your wishes for medical interventions or post-mortem services but haven’t documented it?
  10. Did you answer no to all of the above?

If you answered yes to any of the above -including #10, it wasn’t a trick question- then it’s appropriate to schedule an Initial Inventory Planning Session with an experienced guide.

The session is 90 minutes long and includes a copy of LIFE’S Book: Healing Rites of Passage End of Life Planner, that has everything you will need to easily create, update and maintain your emotional estate planning.

We even work nationally and internationally with the help of video. Upon receipt of payment we will send your book and conduct a video session after you receive it.

When Death Comes – An End of Life Doula Perspective

Early on Life taught me that it had a set of bookends named Birth and Death. I was not afforded the luxury of death denial. I understood clearly that death was always part of the deal.

This perspective impacted my life in a deep soulful way. A way that made me seem odd in the eyes of my peers.


When I first heard the term, ‘End of Life Doula’ I thought, “this is what my whole life has been about.” Because death has had such a prominent place in my experience of life, I organically became the ‘death guru’ in both my personal and professional lives. Intuitively I understood what someone dying was seeking and what those who were grieving required. It isn’t something that can be taught, it must be lived through.

Death in our modern society is viewed as a medical opponent meant to be thwarted at all costs, yet the reality is that we all have two book ends. At some point we must come to acceptance that our time on Earth is finite and that treating death solely as a medical event, without proper attention to the spiritual and emotional needs, leads to regret and complicated grieving.

Because of my experiences I have learned how to walk with death while in the midst of living. I have discovered the sweetness this perspective brings to living and wish to bring it to others. This is why I suggest people begin looking at end of life issues as early as age 45 or with the first hint of a medical scare, rather than just when death seems imminent.

It is off-putting to some because our society has done such a good job of hiding death away in sterile environments and labeling any reflection as ‘morbid’ or ‘negative’. To the contrary, openly embracing the inevitability of death makes us appreciate life even more. We live deeper because we are not closing our eyes and lips in denial. When our eyes and lips are open, we place more value on our relationships and experiences and less on the pursuit of material gains.

The more we integrate discussions about dying preferences into medical treatment discussions the more informed each patient’s choices can be. Subsequently, the more discussions we have the less alone we feel.

This is not easy for most though and that is where I want to be of service. I want to be one to facilitate discussions, listen actively, offer inspiration and comfort in situations where others may not know how. To this end I have compiled my experience and education into an End of Life Planner that gives structure and direction through these waters. It serves as a guide for those who wish to explore their fears, preferences and beliefs around death and dying. I call this ’emotional estate planning’.

Through tragedies we are opened up to a new level of connection with others. Why wait until then, though? Why not open up to real connection talking about something so real and inevitable as death and our wishes around our care during that time?

When death comes we may never be ready, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be prepared.

When Death Comes
by Jade Klemos

When Death comes, it is not convenient, or better, or easy.
It doesn’t come with manners, etiquette or rules to follow.
It doesn’t come bringing a gold leafed invitation you can decline,
It comes with surgical steel precision dissecting your life.

Death may come in the quiet of night with a crash
It may come at high noon with a silent breath.
It may be welcomed like a soft bed of blankets after a long journey.
It may be as disagreeable as a bed of nails.

Death comes without explanation, justification or reason.
It comes without being fair, or just or reversible.
It comes without your permission, approval or acceptance.
It comes without an undo button or an option to refuse delivery.

When Death comes, it cares not what God you do or do not believe in;
Whether you went to temple, church, mosque or Sunday brunch.
It cares not what’s in your bank account, or on your to do list.
It certainly cares not whether you are ready.

When Grief comes, it comes ripping shreds of flesh from emotional bones
Filling them with marrow of sorrow.
It cares not how many birthdays you’ve had
Nor how many degrees hang on your wall.

Grief comes bringing unbelievable pain and intolerable numbness.
It comes bringing more questions than answers.
It may come as a gentle wave on the shore Or as a tidal wave tossing you under and over.

Grief comes without respect to place, or time or status.
It wreaks havoc with equilibrium and motivation.
It causes doubt, isolation and disorientation.
It is unilaterally deaf to desperate pleas for mercy.

When Grief comes, it comes without kindness or compassion.
It cares not that you are overflowing with it and unable to breathe.
It cares not that it brands epitaphs on your heart.
It cares only that it change you forever.

Why I Don't Help, Empower or Hustle


In my work I don’t help people. 

I don’t empower women. 

And I don’t hustle. 

Hustle: 

Here’s the thing, the word ‘hustle’ for me is a marketing buzz word intended to get you to DO MORE. I am about BEING MORE.

“You need to always be busy doing something to bring about your goals. If you are not hustling you are slacking.” 

In addition, don’t forget about the connotations of ‘hustle’ being shady, slick and underhanded. “I got hustled.” “He’s a hustler.” “The hustle and bustle.” 

Frenzied energy that does not lend to my MO. 

If you are hustling you are not allowing the flow and you know I am all about allowing the flow. If you are in alignment you are in the flow. There is no hustle to make things happen, there is just keeping up with the flow!!! You don’t make things happen you allow them to happen and dare to keep up! Some days it is all I can do to keep track of the increase in flow because SO much changes day to day that a week feels like it had to have been a month! How else could SO much be SO different? 

So I don’t ‘plan to hustle’ I ‘align to flow’. 

Empower: 

Here’s the official definition 

verb [with object and infinitive] 

give (someone) the authority or power to do something: nobody was empowered to sign checks on her behalf. 

Its a very egotistical power structure word. “I bestow upon you…” is the essence of it.

In my work I don’t see women or anyone as without authority or power. Everyone is born powerful and NO ONE can take that away, but like an illusionist, someone CAN convince you that they took it away. Therefore, if I am to open your eyes to the illusion I am not empowering you…I am not giving you something that you don’t already have within you…I am enabling you…but enabling has a stigma about it, doesn’t it? 

And here’s that definition:

give (someone or something) the authority or means to do something: [with object and infinitive] :  the evidence would enable us to arrive at firm conclusions. 

There is a very different energy about it for me. While both mention ‘authority’, empower talks of ‘giving power’  but enable speaks of ‘giving means’.

And further, enable is “ make possible: a number of courses are available to enable an understanding of a broad range of issues.” 

Rather than make (someone) stronger and more confident, especially in controlling their life and claiming their rights: movements to empower the poor.”

For me the difference is this. If I live in a house that has no electricity, I have to have the power company empower me. I don’t have electricity. I don’t have access to it at all unless it is given to me. 

BUT if I live in a house that has electricity, the power company does not empower me to flip the switch to turn it on. That is all me. 

We are born powerful. We do not get it bestowed upon us by anyone -other than perhaps our Creator, but that is a different conversation. However, the master illusionists in our lives and our society may have convinced us that those light switches on the wall are just for decoration. 

I enable people to access the power that others shamed them out of.

Help:

Oh, I saved this for last. Another very egotistical word that sets up a power structure. Why do you think it is SO hard for so many to ‘ask for help’????? It is felt as one reaching down to another. You have not fallen and need me to pull you up. You are not broken and need my help to put the pieces back together. No. I don’t help people…I assist people.

I assist people in their transformation transitions. 

That’s my magic super power. I am a transformer. I spark something in others that creates the fire of transformation. I am not their fire. I do not light their fire. I do not tend their fire. I do not set them on fire. 

I am a spark. Nothing more, nothing less. 

What one does with that spark is totally and completely up to them. If what comes next is nothing, then that is about them. If what comes next is a forest fire, that too is about them. I am a spark. Nothing more, nothing less. 

It doesn’t matter the transition you are struggling with: dying, grieving, marriage, unemployment, drug addiction, coming out, having a baby…my approach is still the same. 

I flow. 

I enable.

I assist.

I spark. 

And dare I say I might even sparkle while doing it!! 

I love you.

~Jade


Life After The Dark

It is slowly all at once, Life after the Dark.

Like the sun, rising on an overcast day, is imperceptible until you suddenly realize it has indeed cleared the horizon and your world once again illuminated…even if through a dull ceiling of clouds.

Yeah, that’s about it.

When I resided in the darkness within the darkness, I had no faith left. That was the scary part. If you are interested, my dark night https://willowsongmedicine.wordpress.com/2019/02/19/dark-night-of-the-soul/

Just as the Light has returned so has my faith, but it is not the same.

It has morphed and transformed into something more solid than before (and it was pretty solid before.) I find myself taking inventory of things “I still believe” and things that no longer seem valid with a whole bunch of things in between.

The first thing to show up in the newly risen sun is that the “Universe is always conspiring on our behalf.” What that meant to me before was that the Universe always took care of me. At the last second everything would fall into place and I could see clearly how I was loved and protected because things ‘worked out’. I had believed that so much that I rarely, if ever, worried about anything. Just trusting that the Universe would take care of it as long as I did everything right.

I no longer see it that way.

Now I understand it as “the Universe is always conspiring on behalf of our development“. ‘Development’ might mean a huge loss, or challenge, or disappointment just as easily as it might mean a crisis averted, amazing opportunity or wish fulfilled. It is my development that is the focal point, not the desired outcome.

“The Universe is always conspiring on behalf of our development”, that doesn’t mean it will conspire for things to work out like you think they should.

The Universe is neutral. It is neither positive nor negative. It just is. It has it’s cogs and wheels and churns out experiences based on it’s Algorithm. Efforts to raise your vibe, use positive thinking, repeat affirmations, etc. in order to bring about desired results are actually efforts to manipulate. You cannot manipulate the Universe. There is an underlying driving belief that ‘if I do it right, then everything will turn out in ways I like.” The Universe cannot be manipulated.

The Universe fills what is empty and empties what is full. This is something I knew before, but it was way back in my consciousness. I believe now that this needs to be brought to my forefront.

There is simply the process of evolution which requires ebb and flow, receiving and giving, highs and lows, back and forth…empty and fill. It has nothing to do with us at all. Things will be emptied even if we maintain the highest of vibes. Things will be filled even if we maintain low vibes. This is part of the formula of the Universe.

There is evidence of this everywhere. The sun comes up and goes down, as the moon goes down and comes up. This is not affected by anything anyone on Earth does or does not do. Does it make sense that this would be unique to the sun and moon? Doesn’t it make more sense that we would see this pattern in every aspect of life?

There is no good or bad. It’s easy to label rewards as ‘good’ and consequences as ‘bad’, but that is inaccurate. Who is to say what is bad? Yes, there are things that bring pain and most would agree those are bad, but what if something good comes of it? Does that change the value at all? How do you adjust accordingly?

If we toss the labels of good and bad then we are forced to look beyond feels good = good, feels bad = bad, to find a new way to define our experiences. If something doesn’t work out the way we intend, the way we dreamed, the way we hoped, but it works out in a different way that brings different rewards is that good because it brought rewards or is it bad because it didn’t bring what was wanted?

The Universal Laws for me now also have a different tone.

I still believe and understand that we are all one. Like the fingers on my hand are part of the One that is me, so too am I (and you) a part of the One that is the Universe. There have been no alterations to this one for me.

Everything is/has a vibration. Each one of us vibrates at our own special frequency. From that I have never wavered. Every thing has a vibration. Every thing. Not just people, plants and animals, but food, thoughts, words, choices and relationships as well.

When something feels comfortable/uncomfortable it is resonating with our vibration. “Comfortable” is not the same as “familiar”. When something feels comfortable it may not be familiar, but it intuitively feels right. We experience excitement, anticipation and maybe a little bit of nervousness. When something feels uncomfortable it is stretching us outside our comfort zone and challenging us. It is unfamiliar but still intuitively feels right…scary maybe, but right. When something brings discomfort it does not resonate with our vibration. When something brings discomfort it feels intuitively wrong, for reasons we may not even be able to verbalize.

Raising our vibration does not mean we magically attract/manifest all the things we want, but I think it does magically bring us the things we need. The things we want, may not be of high vibration. Or the things we want may be contraindicated to what we need. Or this thing we want now and this thing we want long term may be mutually exclusive. Also, things that are of higher vibration than we, can feel quite uncomfortable. So, how can we ever be sure that ‘this’, whatever ‘this’ is, isn’t actually high vibe after all? What we need may not feel good to us in the moment, but feel very good as events unfold. Raising our vibe does not mean that we will never be uncomfortable again; indeed it may mean that we will experience great uncomfortableness at times.

But raising our vibe is important in creating our experience of whatever comes our way. What happens, happens but how we experience that happening depends on our vibration and our vibration depends on our beliefs. So while raising our vibration does not mean our bank account magically rises, it does mean that we will feel more abundant with the amount that is currently in there.

I believe even more strongly after the Dark Night that it is not what happens to us but who we become through those experiences that matters. The events of our lives can be influenced by a myriad of variables.

They can be pre-destined, by us; orchestrated core events intended to give us the experiences we planned to explore before incarnated. They can be created by us in the moment by our choices and vibrations; a result of our thoughts, beliefs and actions that draw to us vibrations of the same frequency. They can be the result of someone else’s pre-destiny or choices and vibrations. Or possibly something called coincidence (which I don’t believe in.) Or something else entirely, I can’t even fathom right now.

And lastly, maybe even most importantly, I believe ‘reality’ is not validation of our Truth. I used to look at what was in my current reality as a reflection of my truth. After all, how many times have you heard ‘your outer world is a reflection of your inner world’? I believed that with my whole heart and so I would put great energy into adjusting my inner world according to what I was experiencing in my outer reality.

But based on the previous belief I outlined, that just isn’t so. This required a lot of recalibration on my part. I didn’t realize how deeply this belief went. That if I do all the right things, I will be rewarded. That things will come out right…and I had a very clear picture of what ‘right’ looked like and what it didn’t.

This caused me great suffering. Then I realized this was very much the same suffering I experienced when I believed in an all-powerful chess-playing God. The God that had a Plan, a Reason, a Will. I tried to appease Him, just as I had been trying to appease the Universe. It is all just manipulation. It has no merit in the System that We As The Creator have developed.

What does have merit is maintaining your Light when all about you is Dark.

Yes, that is the basis of my Faith now. The belief that no matter what comes to me, I maintain my Light. The belief that no matter what leaves me, I maintain my Light. It is not to bring to me all sorts of manifestations. Not to bring to me good jobs, wealth, health and opportunities. No. But to bring me Peace. Peace that is not dependent on circumstances. Peace that is not dependent on relationships. Peace that is not dependent on any thing of this world.

Peace that is reliant on only my Self.

That Peace will never again be contingent upon my external circumstances, but rather my internal experience to those circumstances, only. Only. ONLY. ONLY.

Therein lies power. The power to overcome any Dark Night of the Soul. Any, trying circumstance. In the movie Miracle On 34th Street, Doris Walker says, “Faith is believing in things when common sense tells you not to.” Never have these words had more meaning for me than they do now. Common sense is an earthly attempt to navigate earthly events. Faith is an unearthly attempt to navigate earthly events.

There is Light after the Dark, my friends.

And like my friend, Glenda the Good Witch says, “You’ve always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself.” I did…and I’m sure I will again.

I love you.

~Jade

The Woman In The Red Shoes

A woman stated that when she sees a pretty woman, she compares herself and finds herself lacking. Her thoughts then spiral down from there.


I know she is not the only one. I remember being like this. And in fact, while I no longer do this regarding looks, I was catching myself doing this with my business when I would see someone who does what I do, being ‘more’ successful.


Because I am always my first client of the day, I take every opportunity to explore these types of things.


A scarcity base or lack base is reflected when we compare ourselves to others and find ourselves lacking. Whether it is how pretty someone is, or how much money they have, or how well their business is going. There is enough for everyone, but somehow when we see others doing well we are interpreting that to mean we are ‘less’.


“Their success is not my failure.” This became my mantra every time I caught myself feeling inadequate because someone else *seemed* to be doing ‘better’ than I.


That was the first thing I did. The next thing I did was understand that I was externally referencing. Which means, that I was basing my value on something/someone outside myself.


We are precious unique gems that only a few people will have the heart to value. Therefore it is up to us to establish our own value independent of others.


I recall in my younger dating life that I somehow had the notion that I needed to prove my value to someone. If they did not recognize it I saw it as my job to convince them of it.


It is not for us to convince people of our value. WE need recognize it and act accordingly, accepting only those who value it. The catch is, until WE believe it, we will not be able to value those who value us.


I believe it is here, where lack and scarcity are rooted. When we see ourselves as the truly rare, unique and priceless gems we are, then the notion that “I am not worthy” becomes extinct. We no longer beg for the attention of those who do not attend to us. We no longer run after those who are walking away from us. We no longer have impoverished thoughts that keep us impoverished.


Poverty is not just about money. Our relationship with money is merely a reflection of our relationship with ourselves. Poverty is about energy.

The idea of ’empowering’ women is trending nowadays. Empowerment is about energy, is it not? Our thoughts & beliefs add to or take away from that energy. THIS is how one becomes empowered or disempowered. No one can do it for someone else. It is all ‘the man behind the curtain’ type facade.


Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain, the woman in the red shoes has all the power.

I love you,

~Jade

Making Your Life A Masterpiece

Today I saw a meme that had this to say:

The past is your lesson.

The present is your gift.

The future is your motivation.

As I read it, I heard loudly these words in response:

The past is your portfolio.

The future is your inspiration.

The present is your canvas;

Paint the shit out of it.

I am now spending the day reflecting on this. I love it. We cannot allow ourselves to be burdened with our past. We cannot allow ourselves to be defined by our past. However, in reality our past is the journey we took to get to who we are now. That deserves to be honored. It deserves a place of reverence and accommodation because without it you would be someone completely different and that is unacceptable because who you are right now, is simply amazing.

Today will be tomorrow’s Past. Can you stand to just let that be discarded? I mean what is the point of bettering ourselves if we completely discount who we used to be?

This might shock you, but I have a past. Some might call it sordid. Some might call it tragic. Some might find inspiration in it. Others might find it boring. But its mine and with it’s colors I have painted my life.

I have no shame in my game.

I am so much wiser for the experiences I’ve had. I have empirical knowledge of so many challenges that plague other people which gives me the advantage when asked for assistance.

I paint my canvas of today with the palette of colors I’ve collected along my journey. I choose to use some more than others, but I’m not afraid to color with any of them. I cherish each one for the depth it brings to my life.

beautiful calm clouds dark
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

The concept of our Past as a portfolio is delicious to me. I love that notion of a living breathing scrapbook to flip through creating no more shame than that of a third grade hairstyle in a school picture.

The notion that our Future is our inspiration is also very delicious to me. Each tomorrow is created from the vibration of the days before it. So it stands to reason that the future offers inspiration to create a Masterpiece of each and every day. The future is filled with the new colors of possibility and hope.

The Present is the only one of the three we hold in our hands – once a day for just 24 hours. The act of being present is the stroke with which we swipe the colors of our palette across the canvas. With it we create magnificence or mundanity.

We cannot create magnificence with blindfolds on. We cannot create magnificence with blinders on. We cannot create magnificence with dark colored sunglasses on. We can only create magnificence with our eyes wide, glasses off and hearts open. This is how we make the most of every canvas.

Paint the shit out of it! My most favorite part. What good is it if you are so careful that you miss the part of passion? The part that lies in the mess. The part that lies in between your fingers as the paint oozes through them. The part that lies in the unexpectedness of each moment and the subsequent color strewn across the blank canvas.

Take all the colors and make them sing! Use them sparingly or commandingly as you see fit. You and you alone are the Creator of this Masterpiece. You and you alone choose the colors. You and you alone choose the breadth, width and pressure of your stroke. You and you alone.

Paint the shit out of it, my friends.

Paint. The. Shit. Out of it.

I love you.

~Jade

 

 

13 Pieces of Wisdom

If I had to bottom line my take on living your best life, it would be this list.

#1 When People Show You Who They Are Believe Them

Maya Angelou is one of my favorite authors and this is my favorite lesson from her. I used to really get caught up in what people told me. Their behavior would show me one thing, but their words would tell me another. I always believed their words. This made me easily manipulated.

When I started to put two and two together this quote really made sense to me. People can, and will, say anything to ‘keep’ you in their illusion.

#2 Rule of Three

The rule of three applies across the board for almost everything. What you put out into the world, comes back to you threefold. Third time’s the charm. But what I mean here is the pattern formula in relationships. The first time a behavior appears it can be a fluke or an error in judgement. The second time it appears is concerning and needs to be discussed. The third time is evidence of a pattern of behavior and if the behavior is a deal breaker, it is best to walk away. The pattern is difficult if not impossible to break without concentrated effort to change.

#3 Never Go Backwards

Ex’s are ex’s for a reason. What brought you together has deteriorated and you’ve grown in different ways in different directions or you wouldn’t have broken up. Don’t look back. Don’t buy into old patterns (see #2). The exception to this is time. If more than seven years have passed and you find yourself in different places at the same time, then explore! You are both different people. Give it a try. You never know what will happen. But make sure you keep #2 close to your heart because change many not have taken place after all.

#4 The Universe Is Conspiring On My Behalf

It is easy to believe this when events we deem good come our way. When in the midst of undesirable things however, this can be difficult to embrace.

You just have to look back over your life’s disappointments, heartaches and tragedies to see how they created openings for other wonderful things to enter your life. It doesn’t mean that they weren’t painful or hard. It doesn’t erase that pain or struggle, but it does help us heal from them. Life is filled with beginnings and endings; hellos and goodbyes; starts and stops.

Knowing that everything is perfectly perfect in its imperfection and all is in Divine Timing can get us through the most confusing times.

#5 Everything Happens As It Needs To

This flows perfectly from #4. Everything happens exactly as it needs to. Exactly. You can’t moan away hours whining that you ‘shoulda’ done something different. This moment of realization is brought to you courtesy of all the moments that came before it. Not everyone’s awakening/healing will happen in the same format. What is made available to you is done so when you are available to receive it and when it is most beneficial for you.

So often we lament over “I shoulda, woulda, coulda’s”. Nitpicking over every single memory inspecting where we went wrong or where we could’ve done better. It’s a waste of time. Bread is dough until it is fully finished baking. You want bread, my friend. Be bread. Embrace the bread. (Even if you choose gluten free!)

#6 Don’t Chase Anyone Who’s Walking Away From You

Rejection is a hard pill to swallow…so don’t. Rejection isn’t a thing except in your own mind. When someone is walking away from you, either at a cocktail party or after a 20 year marriage, it is not a rejection of you. It is an expression of their needs or wants. There is nothing lacking in you that you need to feel rejection over. Nothing.

And there is likely nothing lacking in that other person either. They just have indicated to you that connection lies elsewhere for both of you. A simple, ‘thank you for clarifying’, muttered under your breath is gratitude enough! You didn’t realize that lack of connection, so be grateful they did before you spent weeks, months or years figuring it out. Next!

#7 Always Follow Your Intuition

Ever say to yourself, “I KNEW it!” after something doesn’t quite go the way you expected? Or maybe it even did go as you expected. That is your intuition. It may not (and it does not) have logic or reason behind it, but it is as true as True North. You need to cultivate that. Don’t let your brain tell you that you must justify that niggle. That niggle is your built in navigation system. This is your direct line from your Source Self. It isn’t full of fallacy like the ego mind. It is pure and clean and accurate.

As we grow up though we may be surrounded by others who have ignored their intuition. They will convince you to turn yours off to, so if you are looking to turn it back on, it might take a bit to figure out the secret codes. How to decipher between your intuition and fear can be difficult. Here’s a tip: fear will move you away from something; your intuition will move you towards something.

#8 Your Life Is Created By Your Vibration

You may have heard this already – In fact, you may have heard all of these already – but you might not fully understand it. Maybe you don’t even understand vibration. Ok, let’s get personal for a moment.

Check into your body.

  1. Think of the last time you were disappointed. How did that feel in your body? Was it heavy? Dense?
  2. Now think of the last time you had an orgasm. How did that feel in your body? Not during, but after…the afterglow. Got it? How did that feel to you vibrationally? What words would you use to describe it?

How you feel after an orgasm is a moment of your highest vibration. You can feel the energy buzzing and humming throughout your body, under your skin long after the orgasm has past. You want to make choices, take actions and have beliefs that make you feel like that, rather than how you feel when you are disappointed. Being disappointed is a moment of your lowest vibration. If you can get your thoughts to a place where they make you feel your highest vibration (HV) you will attract things, people and events that match that. Then you will respond with HV which will cause more HV things to present themselves. Its an upward cycle. I don’t need to tell you there is an equal and opposite downward cycle with low vibration, do I?

Situations that bring your vibe down are inevitable, but you can switch on your highest vibration by revisiting HV thoughts and find the closest truest thought about the current situation. (If you’ve done ‘affirmations’ and they didn’t work for you, it is because you were missing this piece.)

#9 Eliminate “Should” From Your Vocabulary

As hinted at in #5 ‘should’ is a four letter word. Ok, it’s not, but it is profane in it’s manipulations. There is and never will be another you just as you are in this lifetime. Never. Not one. Therefore, these rules that surround ‘should’ are bogus. No one ‘should’ do or be or have anything specific at any given time.

Instead of shoulding yourself, “I should do this because it is the right thing to do”, say instead “I want (or need) to do this.” We all do things we don’t really want to do, for the sake of a healthy relationship. “I don’t want to go hiking, but I do want to participate in an activity that my beloved enjoys.” Should is a derivative of guilt and guilt needs to be a non-entity in your life.

#10 Let Go Of That Which No Longer Serves You

I remember the last nigh-nigh (pacifier) that my daughter had. She used them only when she went to bed, which is how they got their name. Nigh-nigh. At the point that I intuitively felt she could fall asleep without them, I stopped replacing them. By this time she understood the term ‘broken’ and that when things were broken we could not fix them and they went into the trash. So, as each nigh-nigh deteriorated I let her throw them away. One by one she let them go. They were no longer necessary. They no longer served her.

It is the same for many beliefs/thoughts/relationship/material possessions in our lives. We hold on, sometimes, just for the sake of holding on. We need to step back and see if something is serving us. We ask ourselves, ‘is this serving my highest good?’ ‘Is this taking me towards or away from my highest best life?’ And we let go of what isn’t and allow the Universe to present what is next.

#11 Fear Leads You Away From Something

I mentioned this in #7 but it is important enough to stand on it’s own as many of us cannot tell the difference between being cautious and letting fear get in our way. Now, I am not talking about the sort of fear that tells you not to go down a dark alley at midnight. I am talking about the kind that prevents you from expanding your wings and trying something new. The one that tells your heart, you can’t.

Intuition, says “meh, no not this, but maybe this”, while fear says, “oh no I can’t! That’s foolish! I could lose everything!” Intuition will always end with an alternate possibility and feeling elated, while fear will leave you in the exact same spot feeling defeated.

#12 Never Let Them Change Who You Are

Do you remember when someone first told you, ‘don’t sink to their level’? I do and I must confess it felt binding as well as vague. Internally, I wanted to hit them low when they hit me low. I wanted to impart pain in equal measure to what I’d experienced. When I did that though, it didn’t make me feel any better. The pain was still there and something else sat like sludge over the top of it.

Why? Because I was changing my nature to match someone else’s vibration. My higher self was conflicting with the lower expression of who I was. In short, I was letting them change who I was. That’s when you have lost…when you’ve lost who you are.

#13 Strive To Understand Before You Strive To Be Understood

I left this for last, because I want it to be the last taste in your mouth. I want it to hang off your lips and be the first to fall out. This is the key to successful relationships, no matter the relationship. Too many individuals are caught up in the power struggle to be ‘heard and understood’, because they feel like they have been voiceless. In a world where no one is listening that isn’t surprising.

I was raised Catholic and one of my very favorite songs is St. Francis’ prayer. It is filled with good advice that I have tried my best to live my life by. If you don’t know it, these are the words. And you can hear it here.

Prayer of St. Francis
Lord make me an instrument of your peace
Where there is hatred let me sow love
Where there is injury, pardon
Where there is doubt, faith
Where there is despair, hope
Where there is darkness, light
And where there is sadness, joy
O divine master grant that I may
not so much seek to be consoled as to console
to be understood as to understand
To be loved as to love
For it is in giving that we receive
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned
And it’s in dying that we are born to eternal life
Amen

 

I have long left my organized religious roots behind me. Or maybe they are just at the very root of who I became. I have taken the very best of what I’ve been taught and combined it with other teachings that resonated with Truth for me.

This, ‘to understand as to be understood’ is but one.

I leave you here, with this because there is no better way to leave you.

I understand, but I will never stop seeking to do so.

I love you,

~Jade