Compassion

This word has been on my mind lately. Mostly because the world needs more of it. The people need more of it. The animals need more of it. The planet needs more of it.

As a part of my spiritual practice, I recite five principles every day. The one I end with is “Today, I treat myself and others with compassion.” I love the word compassion. It is a deeply moving word for me requiring me to be more than merely kind, but compassionate. So when I actually looked up the definition I was more than a little disappointed; “sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others”.

I don’t know what I expected, but that wasn’t it. “Sympathetic pity”? I KNOW what compassion feels like for me, but I never took the time to define it. But I know ‘sympathetic pity’ wasn’t part of my definition.

How would you describe Compassion?

My definition would go something like this, “deeply felt care and concern for the wellbeing of others, in times of need.”

I debated even putting that last part in there because I think we all need compassion whether we are in the midst of a crisis or not. However, I think when not ‘in need’, kindness suffices. I think when one is in need they do need something more profound than simple kindness.

When I worked a full time 9-5 job, I had paid time off and I took it when I needed it. I took vacations regularly and stayed home when I was sick. But there were other days when I needed to just take a mental health day and I did that too. Now that I work from home, for myself, there is no paid time off. In addition, some of my work requires I be on call 24/7 for my death and dying clients. Add to that I LOVE what I do, it’s hard to really comprehend that I still need time off.

Running your own business- let alone three businesses- takes discipline and I have that in spades. So much so that I had to build in a ‘day off’ each week, but I may have been too late in doing that. Last week when I was feeling some kind of way and struck with severe back/shoulder/neck/arm pain it caught me off guard. I had worked virtually nonstop to get The Foul Mouthed Woman Podcast launched, AND get started on The Death Witch Podcast. Amidst that I was writing feverishly to complete a few Oracle Cards for the deck I’m co-creating. Everything I do is on the computer and this pain rendered me computer impotent. As I took some time to tend to the physical issue, it was clear to me that something emotionally was working it’s way up and out as well.

I decided to stop looking for a work around the pain and just surrender into it. I’ve taken sick days before when I’ve caught a virus or something. I’ve taken days off when I just felt I needed to take a break. This was different. This was compassionate care. I was taking a Compassionate Care day.

It was a sick day for my soul.

I tended to the wounds of my soul that were on the mend, as well as the physical knotting in my back. I watched movies that made me sob. I took walks. I took small excursions out in public as needed. I made nourishing food.

For four days.

The most important thing I did for those days though was to not feel guilt, or shame and not ‘should’ myself. Like I said, I have tons of discipline, and it would’ve been easy for me to tell myself that disregarding my regular schedule was breaking my commitments; But my most important commitment is to myself. I can no longer do what I did before, because ‘before’ wasn’t working. ‘Before’ was breaking me.

For 27 years I pushed passed my breaking points. I was taught certain rules about being a good employee and how business works. For 27 years I felt powerless, complying with directives without voicing dissension for fear of being fired. Until it made me sick. So sick that at 46 years old I felt 75 and could not fathom how I could go on another 30 years. I didn’t even know how I’d make it another 10.

I didn’t realize it was the job/career making me sick until I quit my job, moved to another state and got married. I procrastinated getting my social work license in the new state. The thought of starting all over in a new state in the same old career felt heavy. My husband put no rush on my finding work and so I settled into taking care of myself…really taking care of myself for the first time in a long time.

Simply moving seemed to give me some relief from my suffering, and with each day I felt a little better. I found new treatments, new care providers, new ways of eating, which all helped. But mostly it was finding myself that really started to heal my body. Moving away from what I ‘should’ do, towards what I ‘want’ to do, improved my health ten fold. It will be 7 years this summer and I feel better than I did 15 years ago. I still have a few issues that are left over, due to the extreme pressure I put myself under, but I have faith I’ll find the answers to those also.

What’s important now, I realize. Is to not adapt the same mindset in this new situation. Pushing myself so hard that I bring on physical immobility in order to get my own attention is simply using the same patriarchal business model in my own business. So, I’ve switched to four work days and one self-care day per week. The weekends are sort of a hodge podge of things depending on my husband’s schedule or if I am pressing a deadline. I have always been one to take a sick day, but the truth is I don’t get sick that often. So offering myself Compassionate Care days on a more regular basis, might better suit my bottom line.

Compassionate Care days have to go above and beyond normal Self-Care days. I have self care built into everyday; at least 1/5 hours, sometimes 3. So Compassionate Care days are going to be luxury self-care days. There’s going to be more treasure hunting, spa days, walks in nature and baths in the middle of the day.

I think we are all in need of compassion regardless of our current situations. Compassion doesn’t have to be reserved for ‘justified’ times of pain and suffering! I think treating one another and ourselves with deeply felt care and concern for our/their wellbeing across the board would serve the Greater Good and mend the world’s hearts.

Peace Be With You

Don’t Deny Yourself Because Someone Else Has It Worse

Oh man. I definitely got this message growing up and that is exactly how I taught myself to get through some of the worse times of my life. I discounted my own experience by saying to myself “it isn’t as bad as this other person’s experience so what am I crying about?” And each time any feelings around it came to the surface I would dismiss them all over again with the same thought. 

A subsidiary to that is ‘it could be worse’. While that has been helpful in not letting myself fall down a rabbit hole of despair at times, it has also allowed me to dismiss critical feelings related to traumas and other events. Sure I do not want to get all caught up ‘this happened and so now that is what I am’, but I do not want to skip right over the experience with the magic of a fast forward button. No healing comes from that.

We don’t want thinking to keep us down and make us believe we are an eternal victim, but discounting that we have been victimized is not the remedy. In fact, I believe it complicates trauma recovery. There are three places to be in recovery…

1) The place where you talk about it all the time. 

2) The place where you don’t want to talk about it. 

3) The place where you don’t need to talk about it. 

I have known survivors who make sure everyone knows that they are a survivor. Everyone knows their story and many have heard it more than once. 

Telling your story is VITAL in recovery!!! Let me make that clear. In the first stages of recovery you need to tell your story to whomever will listen. It is imperative that you tell your story. But that is the first stage of recovery, you shouldn’t still be feeling you need to share your story all the time if you are 5, 10, 15, and 20 years past it. That’s a complication.

“I don’t want to talk about it” is never a healthy place to be. Not on day one. Not on day 10,999. Now, on day one, it is understandable and normal…and actually, maybe it is healthy in that the mind and body and spirit all need some time to process and maybe you aren’t a verbal processor usually. However, the longer you go without speaking about it, the more difficult it becomes. 

It is much like receiving a traumatic wound. There it is, fresh, gaping, bleeding and painful. The first thing you do is cover it. And you want to keep it covered. You don’t want the lose more blood. You don’t want anything to aggravate it. You don’t want to see it. But then you have to assess the damage. You have to give it attention before infection sets it. You need to maybe have stitches to bring the edges together so it can heal cleaner. 

Same with an emotional trauma wound. You might need to tell your story to the police. To the medical team. To loved ones. To your employer. They will all need to understand the changes that are now in place. Because that is what traumas do. They change us on a cellular level. 

But when you get stuck in ‘I don’t want to talk about it’ you are not processing through the pain to get to the healing part. Instead of hitting ‘fast forward’ you are actually hitting ‘pause’. 

Lastly, there is ‘I don’t need to talk about it’ anymore. You’ve told the story during the early healing phase. You’ve shared it openly with anyone who needed to hear for their own healing process or with whom you are in an intimate relationship. But you aren’t bringing it up at cocktail parties. You aren’t putting it on job applications. And you aren’t, 15 years later telling all the new people you meet. 

In the later stages of recovery and after recovery, you talk about it when it is relevant, when it is helpful or when you are building new intimate relationships. There is a difference between ‘I don’t want to talk about it’ and ‘I don’t need to talk about it’. Initially, those who don’t want to talk about it, might say they don’t need to talk about it, but that is a lie. I know it sounds counterintuitive, but telling your story in the beginning is imperative to getting to the place where you don’t need to tell it anymore.

Those who don’t need to talk about it are in that place because they have already talked about it. They have taken back their power from the experience and now that event has no more power than that day back in high school when they tripped and fell on the stairs.

If you’ve healed, trauma becomes just another event that helped shape you, not define you.

I love you

~Jade

The Beauty Within

It’s winter here in Michigan and I’m missing the snow. (Oddly enough now that I am ready to publish we are in the middle of a snowstorm!) We’ve had only two worthy snows this thus far and its sorely disappointing. Everyone else complains about the snow, but for me it is filled with magic. To see the surface of the snow sparkle under the morning sunlight after a great storm is inspiring. I can easily find the beauty within winter, whereas most of my friends, cannot.

But what about finding the beauty in a drought? Or a hurricane? Would that be as easy?

To see the beauty within came to me this week with a depth I’ve never known before. Or maybe it just came to me for the first time ever.

At first I thought it meant something along the lines of ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’, but that isn’t even close.

The Beauty Within refers to seeing the beauty in anyone, anything or any situation exactly as it is.  Not to try to see what it could become. Not to try to cultivate pearls from oysters. And not trying to change it into something else, or hoping it will be different. But to absolutely love the thing for the thing the thing is…as it is.

It might be difficult to find the beauty in a traffic jam, or a car accident or even being stopped by a train. But if you let your mind settle a bit and you can see it. The time you get to be with your own thoughts in stalled traffic. The lesson from the car accident can change your life and fill you with more gratitude and remind you to stay in the present moment. You find yourself lulled into a relaxed state by the rhythmic trains sounds.

Finding the beauty within ourselves, can be a bigger challenge at times for even the best of us. While we want to be ever evolving, it is vital that we appreciate who we are and where we are at any given moment. With practice, we move from looking at ourselves in the mirror and tearing apart the image nitpicking at our perceived flaws, to understanding that beauty is more than skin deep.

Finding our beauty within encompasses not just the things we are proud of but those things we tend to judge as deficient in some way. Understanding the beauty we are exactly as-is. Not excluding those ‘other parts’ but finding them beautiful too!

It goes beyond ‘seeing the good in others‘ too. Seeing the good in them is not the same as seeing their beauty. Beauty goes deeper than ‘good’. Seeing good in someone is shallow and dismissive. We can even be condescending and patronizing in that. Think of that southern retort, ‘bless your heart’, that is so condescending at times.

Sitting with the memory of someone who pushes our buttons and finding them beautiful exacts far more effort on our part. How can I see the beauty within someone whom I think is hateful?

And what of a situation that has you nervous, worried, anxious or downright fearful? Can you find that beautiful?

That’s what this phrase suggests. Find the beauty within. It’s there. In everything. If you can find it, you can change the person or situation…or yourself. At the very least you change your experience and really when you do that, you change everything anyway.

So, that’s what I’ve been practicing this week. When something has me feeling small and afraid, I am consciously reaching for the feelings of expansion and love. I embrace this awful feeling as beautiful. I revel in this.

I suppose the best way to describe this is if you have ever been really really sick and when you felt better you felt like you had never ever felt that good before in your whole life. I think that’s what this phrase means. This moment of ick? It’s going to lead to a moment of bliss like you’ve never known. There’s beauty in that contrast.

The beauty within…you.

I love you.

~Jade

Apologies, Forgiveness and Misconceptions

Let’s start with definitions from the dictionary…

apology | əˈpäləjē | noun (plural apologies) 1 a regretful acknowledgment of an offense or failure: we owe you an apology | I make no apologies for supporting that policy. • (apologies) used to express formally one’s regret at being unable to attend a meeting or social function: apologies for absence were received from Miss Brown | my apologies for the delay. 2 (an apology for) a very poor or inadequate example of: we were shown into an apology for a bedroom. 3 a reasoned argument or writing in justification of something, typically a theory or religious doctrine: a specious apology for capitalism

forgive | fərˈɡiv | verb (past forgave; past participle forgiven) [with object] stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake: I don’t think I’ll ever forgive David for the way he treated her. • (usually be forgiven) stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for (an offense, flaw, or mistake): [no object] :  he was not a man who found it easy to forgive and forget | they are not going to pat my head and say all is forgiven. • cancel (a debt): he proposed that their debts should be forgiven. • used in polite expressions as a request to excuse or regard indulgently one’s foibles, ignorance, or impoliteness: you will have to forgive my suspicious mind.

Did you learn something new about apologies? The common understanding of “apology” usually stops at the first definition: ‘a regretful acknowledgement’. I personally had no clue about the third one!

Now, in forgive, did you notice it is all about how you feel? It does not speak of wiping them of their sins. It is all about how we feel!!

For a long time I saw apologies and forgiveness as a packaged deal. One could not exist without the other. If someone apologized to you, you forgave them. And that is genuinely how it went for me in my life. When someone apologized to me, my feelings of anger and resentment went away as if by magic.

In fact, the two are not related at all.

Photo by Pete Johnson on Pexels.com

Both have to do with the givers, only. Someone wronged is not ‘owed’ an apology; and no one who apologizes is owed forgiveness, either. The two are separate and distinct. If one apologizes because they have to, then it lacks sincerity and what is the point? If one has to wait to receive an apology before they can forgive (no longer feel anger or resentment) then they are still at the mercy of the person whom they perceive wronged them. If someone apologizes then you might feel obligated to forgive them (or at least say you have) but then what have you done with your anger and resentment?

If we feel we have harmed someone, intentionally or not, and feel regret, it makes us feel better – absolved – of our remorse in the matter to apologize. So what then when we apologize and someone refuses to ‘accept it’??!! Our release of remorse does not depend on the other’s forgiveness. It cannot. If we do this, then we are giving away the power over our emotions. I may always wish I had not done something, but if I’ve apologized I need to lay the baggage of remorse down with it. No one can absolve me of remorse but me.

If we feel we have been harmed by someone, intentionally or not, it is not the wrong doers responsibility to apologize to make us feel better. That is giving power over our emotions to another. We can’t do that. That’s no way to live!

“Let it go” is a very common suggestion from others: “Just let it go. It’s not worth it.” While entirely true, if it were that easy we wouldn’t even be having this conversation. That doesn’t mean we need to disregard this piece of advice. It just means it needs to come with instructions.

Let it go is an energetic happening. You can’t do it by ruminating on the events. What you do is replace it with something higher in vibration. Sometimes it is just another phrase that helps things along.

I recently let go of something that has been plaguing me for a couple of years. Someone misappropriated something very sentimental in value to me. “Losing those items” haunted me. Until the other day when I settled on this, “I hope that the energy of my belongings is transforming the one that needs it.” If I can’t have it then let it still carry on it’s healing where it is more needed. Because that’s what I was missing in its absence…the healing properties I ascribed it. Then I visualized where this pain was being held in my energy field and I released it (let it go) by pushing it out of my energy field and then I recalled my energy that was attached to it to fill that hole! It worked the first time I did it! But I keep doing it to make sure to continue the healing.

We each have to find the way of healing that works for us. You can’t put your healing in someone else’s hands by waiting for either an apology or forgiveness.

Apologies and forgiveness are not for receiving.

They are actions we take for our own growth and benefit. When we apologize we accept culpability and are transparent. We express ourselves in an authentic way and grow from the experience. We have decided that is not behavior we wish to represent us and we make amends.

When we forgive we free up space in our energetic body. We experience lightness and relief. Anger and resentment are toxic when they remain in the energetic body. We cause ourselves great ill by holding on to them. We might wish to blame the wrongdoer but it is we who are doing self harm.

There is the Ho’oponopono Hawaiian forgiveness practice that is popular right now: “I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.” I found the story behind it interesting. This is an unusual custom that does not ring as healthy for everyone. But I see it like this:

I am sorry = I have remorse; Please forgive me = please do not hold onto your anger and resentment; Thank you = thank Universe for this experience; I love you = I am love.

In truth, if I understand it correctly, you say these words to yourself. This makes a HUGE difference to me and makes it all make sense without the interpretation above. The belief is that if you heal yourself, you heal your world.

Now that is the real purpose of apologizing and forgiving.

I love you.

~Jade

Shortcuts, Direct Routes and Detours

UGH!! This quick-fix, magic-pill, jump-start, turbo-boost mindset is destroying the very essence of life. Every single aspect of this world seems to have it’s own shortcuts.

sliced of citrus lemons
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Wanna lose weight? There’s a pill, formula, diet, supplement, surgery for that.

Wanna grow your business? There’s a program, Master Mind, secret tip, marketing plan, advertising ploy for that.

Wanna get rich? There’s an MLM, real estate flip, investment for that.

Wanna get an erection? There’s a million pills for that.

I. Can’t. Even.

There’s no shortcuts to your highest best life. There’s no shortcut to being a great partner, parent or person, for that matter. Why? Because of the unwritten Universal Law that your results are directly related to the energy you put in. Plain and simple. You get out what you put in. You put in short cuts, you get short results. This is why the weight loss industry is worth $66 Billion. And why, at least this country, is still overweight.

Finding what works for you, no matter what the situation, is a game of trial and error. Some people do fine being vegan, but others suffer on a diet like that. And I mean ‘suffer’, like their body doesn’t operate correctly. Others work best eating meats and fats and very little veggies. While we all have similarities, we are all quite unique. You gain specific information about yourself with each new trial.

The longest lasting results are the ones that come from digging deep and getting your hands dirty. In my line of work -spiritual healer- there are plenty of ‘short cuts’ people use. I have come across many clients who have a long history of paying for ‘immediate results’ type healing and yet they are minimally better off than they were. Why? Because no one can do the work for you. That’s the part no one seems to be paying attention to. And its true in every other line of thought…weight loss, your business, your money, your sex. The solution lies within you. You can’t short cut that or you’ll short circuit it.

I personally do not want to lose weight only to gain it back (and maybe more). I don’t want to make money, only to have it stop flowing in after the initial surge. I don’t want to have business success followed by business fail. And I’ll leave the erection one alone for now…

What I want is to make changes that are life changing and last a lifetime. I want to know the why behind a what. This is the only way to effect true change. No one wants that. No one wants to do the work. The easy way that’s sexy. That’s what sells. But that’s isn’t what is most effective. How did we get to the point where expedience overrides efficacy? Where the illusion of something is equal to or greater than the reality of something?

Oh my. That’s good.

When did we become a people who valued illusions over reality? If I look at the history of advertising, I’d say its been quite some time. Illusions sell products. So who’s selling reality?

The healers. They provide in many different professions, and they are the ones selling reality, but they are also the ones not making the sales. And even some of the short-cutters have edged their way into the healing field, promising results in one session. Which, you will get results in one session but you are the one who must maintain it. They always leave that part out.

This begs the question…

Is anyone really interested in self-improvement or is this an outdated past-time? A fled trend? Are we far too down the quick fix past to ever want genuine healing at all? 

Or have we come full circle and ready to finally give ourselves the time, attention and quality that we need?

I love you. 

~Jade 

The Ethical Healer

Do you remember the motivational aphorism, “fake it ’til you make it” that came about in the 70’s? I never could wrap my mind around that and when I did finally understand what it meant, it didn’t resonate with my spirit. I’ve spent much of my healing practice undoing the repercussions of that misguided notion in many ways in many different individuals. 

I ask you, when has faking something ever brought about the real thing for you? Why did anyone think faking something like confidence would actually cultivate confidence, inspiration or anything else? 

You can’t pretend your way into or out of anything. You have to do the real work to get the real payoff. You can’t half ass stuff and hope the rest falls into place. What you put out or in comes right back to you, so if you don’t like what you are seeing then you might just need to take a look at what you are actually putting out rather than what you believe you are putting out.

I also think there is intrinsic value in being authentic. If you are nervous or unsure I think it is powerful to admit that, to own that. I think pretending is foul.

I had a conversation with a friend and business partner today about holistic healers who hang up their shingles too early and this falls in line with that. 

It is a great responsibility and honor to work in the holistic healing world. So, ethically speaking, you need to be leading a holistic life if you want to provide holistic support to others. After all would you patronize a dentist who didn’t take care of his own teeth? A weight loss clinic who’s staff was all overweight? A pulmonologist who smoked? A therapist who self-medicates? Would you go to a General Surgeon who was faking it ’til he made it?

If you are a healer – any kind of healer – I believe you need to be on the road of self-mastery before you hang up your shingle. We never fully master ourselves because we are ever evolving, ever growing, there is always new ground to cover if we are doing it ‘right’, so I’m not talking about perfection here. I am talking about self-awareness though. If you haven’t used your formulas, techniques, programs, tools and interventions on yourself, in your own life, for a significant period of time then how can you, in good conscience, say you are prepared to assist others in using them in theirs? How can you look them in the eye, with confidence and say ‘trust me…I know this is hard…but trust me’?

You have to have a fair amount of practical application under your belt in order to fully develop as a practitioner and to attain credibility. A person who graduates medical school isn’t automatically a doctor! No. After the four years of medical school, they need to complete 3-7 years of residency training before they are even eligible for medical licensing. 

Why? Because practical application of learned information is needed for the student to develop into the healer. I believe the same goes for holistic healers, even though there is no regulating body to establish such a protocol. 

Maybe it is because I started in energy healing before it became mainstream, when education and certifications were not as readily available as they are today. In fact, the internet did not even exist then! Let that sink in for a minute.

I learned energy healing modalities at the side of my mentors, in classrooms with live teachers, I read every book I could get my hands on and worked on friends, family and strangers. I lived in metaphysical stores and picked the brains of everyone I met. I did it in conjunction with my duties as a hospice and medical social worker. Clients came to me by word of mouth or they were my co-workers in my mainstream job. 

I love Hippocrates’ quote above and I think it can be applied to the healer as well. “Before you heal someone, you need to be willing to give up the things that make you sick.”

If you have a healing practice – not just learning as a student – then healing should be active in your vibration. What does that mean? It means that you do your due diligence in your own self-development. That you are looking at every aspect of yourself and making higher vibration choices every chance you get. It means that you have at least 75% of your shit together, the majority of the time.

Does it mean you heal yourself overnight? That you can’t practice until you are perfect? No. It means that you have healing and health in your forefront. It means you make yourself a priority.

It means -at the very least- that you are stellar at taking care of yourself.

You need to be your first client. In theory, you should take no better care of any patient than you care for yourself. You serve as a prime example of the fine work you do.

As an ethical healer, you walk the walk, not just talk the talk. It means you have an active healing plan in place for your optimum holistic health and that is your priority everyday; even though it might take weeks, months or years to accomplish your longterm goals. On the daily though you are working towards your optimum holistic health. No matter your situation, there is always something you can do every single day that is moving you towards your longterm goals. Even if it’s as simple as visualizing.

When you take on the role of a healer, you are saying to the world that you are going to make it better…one person at a time. The first person should be you.

When you do not have healing active in your vibration then you can do more harm than good. You don’t have the perspective or experience to handle the situations you may be faced with. This is not memorizing remedies and interventions and spitting out the facts. This is very personalized interaction and if you haven’t done your own work it will show up as inauthenticity for some of your clients.

The bottomline is how would you assess a client who showed up the way you show up? Would you let your client get away with the excuses you are making and the amount of effort you are putting in? Would you consider them doing ‘good enough’ or ‘the best they can’? 

Would you? 

Or would you call them on their shit? So do that to yourself! Look, the world needs more healers. I am not out to talk anyone out of being a healer. I just need you to be your best. You need to be honest with yourself if you are going to be honest with anyone else. 

Have big dreams of healing? Great. Start out small. Start with what you know, what you have done and could do in your sleep. What do you have the most experience with? What have you failed at, then succeeded in? That’s where you excel. That’s where you need to start building your business. Then as you acquire more experience in other areas you can add to your services, but make sure you own them first. That you have failed and succeeded many times over, so you know that technique and it’s relevant issues inside out. 

No one is going to come to you with textbook anything. There will always be some unique glitch in their experience and the more experience you have the better you will be able to put all your knowledge together to heal that client. 

And remember that healers need healers too. We never do anything alone! 

I love you! 

~Jade

Don’t Be “The Bigger Person”

black-and-white-people-bar-men.jpgYou’ve had a conflict with another person. Things may have gotten out of control and both sides are hurt. You may think the other person is at fault or at least at greater fault. At one point someone suggests you apologize and you reject that notion. That person then says to you, “be the bigger person” and you reluctantly decide to make the first move towards resolution.

Chances are that resolution wasn’t as successful as you would’ve liked. In fact, it may have even made things worse and you might be wondering why.

When you label yourself ‘bigger’, you are -by default- labeling them ‘smaller’ and it immediately sets up an energetic power struggle. “Bigger” is a relative term, which means it has no meaning without reference to something “smaller”. Energetically this is communicated through any interaction then.

You continue the conflict (power struggle) by putting the other person down energetically and with your language. You can’t help it. If being the bigger person is your motivation then all action from that place will be tainted. Can you feel the difference between these two ‘apologies’?

I’m sorry if your feelings were hurt. I’m sorry you felt that way and that you took what I said wrong.

 

I’m sorry. I never intended for your feelings to get hurt and I apologize that what I said caused you pain.

Can you feel the difference in the energy?!

The first one is passive-aggressive and is pretty typical of someone who is coming from a bigger/smaller place.

While we are not responsible for how someone else feels, we are accountable for our actions and our actions impact others whether we intend for them to or not. I think it is important to understand the intent of our actions, realize there can be miscommunication even with the best of intentions and there need not be ‘fault’ assigned, when accepting accountability. Just clear transparent communication.

If you can’t come to a conflict resolution open hearted with no power struggle strings, then you are not ready for conflict resolution. Wait until you can come to the table with an open heart.

Unless/until you can come with an open heart, the resolution won’t have a solid foundation for a conflict free future and the only point to conflict resolution, is to build a conflict free future. This can’t be done if egos are running amok and the ego is surely running amok if the only way you can think about doing the ‘right’ thing is to consider yourself the bigger person.

Conflict resolution isn’t about getting one over on another. It isn’t about proving anything to anyone. Its about clearing energy from your heart center and improving the vibration between two (or maybe more) parties. Its only about ‘winning’ if both parties are winning. It isn’t about being a better person than the other, merely a better version of your self.

Here’s the thing…

Conflict resolution isn’t necessary unless you create conflict. There is actually a way to live your life in such a way to minimize or even eliminate conflict in a healthy way.

I can hear your disbelief. “Conflict is a part of life” you think, but it isn’t. Conflict, by definition is a “serious and protracted disagreement or argument”. Not seeing eye to on a topic isn’t an automatic conflict. It’s when people believe there is one ‘right’ perspective and endeavor to impose that on others, demanding agreement, that conflict ensues. Simple seeing things differently is not conflict, its perspective.

Now, here are four steps to live your life to minimize if not eliminate conflict healthfully.

  1. Let go of winning.
  2. Disagreements are not automatic conflicts.
  3. Conflict resolution does not equal confrontation.
  4. Shift from the negative to the positive.
Let go of winning

When you are aligned you realize there is no ‘right or wrong’. There is what resonates with you and what does not. You cannot speak for another on the subject of resonating. What resonates with you may resonate with another, but you can never know if it resonates in the same way because neither of you can know the experience of the other! All you can do is trust your inner self, when you are most connected to Spirit to determine what resonates with you. The goal is not to win but to expand!

Disagreements are not automatic conflicts

Speaking to one another with respect and understanding, focusing as much on understanding another as we do on being understood by another is primary to eliminating conflict from your life. Transparency means being authentic without the fear of reprisal or harm. Approaching a problem from two different perspectives is a wonderful way to find the best solution. When you eliminate the need to win from a disagreement, you are automatically opened up to explore the limitless possibilities of outcomes and conflict isn’t even a ‘thing’.

Conflict Resolution does not equal Confrontation

If you do end up in conflict and find yourself approaching conflict resolution, it is important to understand that conflict resolution does not equal confrontation. Confrontation is hostile, conflict resolution is not. It can be uncomfortable (remember what we said about uncomfortable in the intimidation article) but it not hostile. True Conflict resolution, by its very name, will focus on the resolution not the conflict. Whereas confrontation has the aggressiveness built in, defenses are up and an implied right/wrong dynamic exists.

 

Shift from negative to positive

I’ve saved the first for last. Yes, you read that right. The very first thing you need to do to eliminate conflict from your life is to shift from the negative to the positive. Why did I save it for last? Because if you remember nothing else from this post, I want you to remember this…it is the single most important and powerful thing you can do for the betterment of your life. I have many people confess to me that they wish to be more positive but find themselves stuck in the negative. That is understandable. You were taught to be negative, you weren’t born that way. So, you have to unlearn it in a matter of speaking and relearn to be positive. There is one simple two step trick to making the switch.

The first step is to be aware of your negativity. Pay attention to your thoughts and your words. When you find yourself focusing on the negative, even if it is simply how something didn’t live up to your expectations, notice it. Be aware that you are focusing on the ‘lack’ of something rather than the ‘gift’ of something.

Once you have gotten used to noticing your negativity, the second step is to double up on the positive. What does this mean? For every negative thing you think or say, you counter with two positives. Say you are out to dinner with friends and the waiter forgets the tea you ordered. You find yourself feeling irritated and make a snide remark to your dinner companions. You hear it. Now you find two positive things to say about the waiter. Yes, say them out loud, after all you complained out loud, didn’t you? Maybe the waiter brought you extra rolls or had a pleasant demeanor.

Making this change is conscious, which means it will take effort to 1) notice the negative and 2) double up the positive. However, the shift you will be making will cascade out to all parts of your life. You will be more conscious of how your mind works and whether or not your attention is on the negative of life or the positive (aka the lack or the gifts). Remember that life will bring you whatever you purchase with your attention. (It’s a little like Amazon.com that way!)

All right, this has been sitting in my drafts folder for too long now, so I’m going to hit publish and know that it is on it’s way to those who need to hear this message the most.

As always, remember…

I love you!

~Jade

Jade’s work is different and we think you will find it effective and economic. It combines Jade’s knowledge and skills cultivated over three decades of psychiatry, human services, hospice, geriatrics, crystal healing, QiGong, Reiki, and Therapeutic Touch with her natural Spirit given gifts of intuition and being an empath.

Check out our Healing Rite of Passage Me-Treat & Workshops for 2018 

Join us for more conversation in our Facebook group Willow Song Firekeepers

As of now Jade is limiting the one on one work she does. For availability please email an inquiry.

To schedule services please review options here and email Jade here to make arrangements.

 

 

 

 

A Universal Energy Healing Meditation

Look, I get it.

You are sitting there, desiring a better life, but your financial resources are already stretched to the max. You are making ends meet, barely – or maybe they aren’t even meeting. You desire to pursue a healing path, but you just can’t afford it.

Bullshit.

You can. You are just going to have to be a bit more resourceful at it. Sure, maybe you can’t hire a full time coach to be there every time you pick up the phone. But that doesn’t mean you need to stay stuck where you are. There are many many other options that don’t pinch your pocket like a one on one coach can.

If you are serious about improving your outlook and experience of life, then you can find my free resources and the free resources many of my fellow healers/coaches have available to you.

If you are constantly saying, “I would but I can’t afford it” and not taking advantage of the free or low cost resources then your financial resources is not the factor. Your motivation is.

Self-development is the most natural thing in the world. In fact, it is what we were put in this world to do!! That doesn’t mean that its easy, though. Truthfully, societal conditioning makes what should be simple, only that much more complicated. In fact, its been working against you this whole time.

But I digress.

As a woman who worked on her self-development when I didn’t have two nickels to rub together, I make it a point to offer valuable resources for low to no cost. I offer these tools as an opportunity to get to your goal of fulfillment regardless of finances.

So, in the spirit of that….

I offer a Universal Energy Healing Meditation in this link Please feel free to browse the other videos for your betterment.

I love you,

~Jade

Healing Crisis or Negative Consequence?

There are signs everywhere.

Interpreting the messages of Life can be tricky at best, overwhelming at worst. Its something I pride myself on having figured out. I have been called the “Queen of Reframing” and a “Mystic Midwife” because I’ve developed the skill of interpreting Life’s Language.

It wasn’t always this easy for me, not when I was using an outdated and corrupt ‘Life to English’ dictionary. I had to ferret out the false leads and influences to find out what messages Life was really sending me, rather than the propaganda I was being fed.

With time and attention I cracked the code and became affluent in Life Language. Now, I gladly share my knowledge, experience and expertise with others looking to gain a new understanding of Life and its messages.

Navigating Life without understanding its language feels a lot like stumbling around in the dark searching for your glasses. (Even if you find them, how will they help?)

How many times have you wondered if you are doing the ‘right’ thing to get what you want? Or maybe, you did the ‘right’ thing, but it brought you undesired results? Or maybe it brought you no results at all?

How many times have you tried a new exercise routine, diet, self-help formula or mindset shift only to find yourself saying ‘it didn’t work’ or ‘it only made things worse.’

If you are serious about improving your experience of life and pursuing the path of self-development then one of the foremost keys to decoding Life (and it’s language) is to discern between a Negative Consequence and a Healing Crisis. This is a very specific message with which most people on the self-development journey have trouble.

Example

You discover my Release Resistance program and enroll. You diligently do your work for a week or so and you feel great while you do it, but then ‘something’ happens to distract you. Its usually something moderate, sometimes something HUGE, but it distracts you from your work. It can be anything; illness, family emergency, money issues (credits or deficits), work etc. 

You forget about the program and settle back into your old patterns of behavior. You do what you’ve always done, and experienced what you’ve always experienced. Then an undesired experience comes along and you decide ‘nothing’s changed.’ 

A few months or maybe even a few years later you are reminded of the program and declaring ‘nothing’s changed’, you think to yourself  “Eh, that Jade and her stuff didn’t work for me.” 

Oh, didn’t it?

If you knew how to discern between Healing Crisis and Negative Consequence you could see that the program did work, but you stopped working it. (This goes for not only any service of mine but any other Shaman, Medicine Person, Mindset Manager, Healer etc. as well.)

Negative Consequence

When something – a program, a technique, an action or a belief – brings a negative consequence; it separates you from your highest self. It breaks down the healthy relationships you have and supports the pathological ones.

It is a result of making a choice that goes against what your Soul has planned for you. It brings you pain, but it also brings you another opportunity to make a different choice.

Negative Consequences show up as (not an all inclusive list):

  • dating the same type of person over and over and having the same negative endings
  • jobs that do not feed your passion
  • losing consecutive jobs
  • never getting ahead financially
  • never feeling fulfilled or happy
  • chronic feelings of isolation

Healing Crisis

When something – a program, a technique, an action or a belief – causes a Healing Crisis; it brings you face to face with your highest self. It breaks down the pathological relationships you have and supports the healthy ones.

It is a direct result of actions you have taken that bring you more into alignment with your Soul’s purpose.

Healing Crises show up as (not an all inclusive list):

  • break up in a pathological relationship
  • getting fired from a job that makes you ill
  • getting acutely sick (flu, cold, bronchitis, broken appendage…)
  • losing friends/relationships where the giving is one-sided
  • losing opportunities that reflect old patterns (safe options)
  • experiences outside your comfort zone

 

Now let’s revisit the example and label it.

Example Revisited

You discover my Release Resistance program and enroll. You diligently do your work for a week or so and you feel good while you do it, but then ‘something’ happens to distract you. (healing crisis) Its usually something moderate, sometimes something HUGE, but it distracts you from your work. It can be anything; illness, family emergency, money issues (credits or deficits), work etc. 

You forget about the program and settle back into your old patterns of behavior. You do what you’ve always done, and experienced what you’ve always experienced. Then an undesired experience comes along and you decide ‘nothing’s changed.’ (negative consequence)

A few months or maybe even a few years later you are reminded of the program and declaring ‘nothing’s changed’, you think to yourself  “Eh, that Jade and her stuff didn’t work for me.” 

Analysis

When you employ new strategies in self-development it is a LOT like creating a garden. You stir stuff up. Your job is to clear the field and make the ground ready to receive healthy new seeds, to provide an environment that is optimal for growth.

First you clear the field of rocks, branches, dead trees etc, then you dig up the surface and uproot weeds and wayward grasses. In this process you will find things you never expected to…things like hornet’s nests, ant colonies, buried trash, broken glass and sometimes even buried treasure.

In this process if you take a step back it will seem as if you’ve made more of a mess of things than anything else. Those who decided they are only making things worse will back out of the project at this point and let the weeds and grass takeover again. They will continue to experience negative consequences. Others, who see this as the healing crisis it is, will hike up their sleeves and begin to dig even deeper.

 

Buried Treasure

What’s super tricky is when the healing crisis doesn’t look like a crisis at all.

If we go back to the example…

You discover my Release Resistance program and enroll. You diligently do your work for a week or so and you feel good while you do it, but then ‘something’ happens to distract you. (healing crisis) Its usually something moderate, sometimes something HUGE, but it distracts you from your work. It can be anything; illness, family emergency, money issues (credits or deficits), work promotion or demotion etc. 

You are going along, working the program and complete, say 7 of the 23 lessons and an amazing opportunity comes along. Maybe its a new job, a windfall, an answer to a prayer or any sort of positive experience. This event is a direct result of your work, but it will draw attention away from your work if you let it.

And if you let that happen you are at risk of returning to old patterns because your ego will tell you that the event is not related to the work you were doing. Your ego will tell you it is coincidence, unless you already understand that there is no such thing.

And despite the positive event, you will end up incurring more negative consequences.

I’ve seen individuals drop out of their work midstream as soon as they experience a little of what they see as ‘success’.

Things I’ve seen happen (not an all inclusive list):

  • getting your dream job, then losing it
  • finding a good relationship and sabotaging it
  • experiencing a windfall and making bad financial decisions
  • buying a house and not being able to afford to keep it
  • being offered a publishing deal and having it rescinded

Commitment

When you are on the self-development path, commitment is your most powerful tool. It keeps you from backsliding, sabotaging and just plain giving up. It powers you to move forward no matter what illusion is shattering in front of you.

So, how can you tell that a program/action/belief/mindset shift etc… is actually working for you???? If something happens after you begin using it. There is no such thing as coincidence.

If something –anything– happens after you’ve signed up for a new regime (yes, that’s right, you don’t even have to actually begin the work for the benefits to come forth), then its a safe bet that it is working for you and you need to keep going. Don’t have expectations of how you think something will work, or what the results ‘should’ be (remember we eliminated the word ‘should’ from our vocabulary!) And if ‘something’ happens for Pete’s sake stick with it!!! Its working! Keep going at it! Leave your old patterns behind you and stride confidently into your new future!

“But what if I don’t think the program is for me?” 

That’s a fair question and my answer is, ‘you’ll know’. What I mean to say is it will feel like it isn’t a good fit from the beginning…down in your soul. It will not resonate. I use that word specifically because ‘resonate’ is different than ‘comfortable’. We aim for discomfort on our journeys of self-discovery. We also aim to live by our intuition.

If you went your whole life wearing your shoes on the wrong feet, you’d be accustomed to it and it would feel comfortable (aka familiar). And if someone came along and told you to switch your shoes and you did, it would feel uncomfortable (aka unfamiliar) but it would feel right somehow and you would instinctively know this was good for you. If, on the other hand, someone came along and told you to switch your shoes, but wear a size smaller, it would be both uncomfortable and not feel good (notice there is a difference between uncomfortable and not feeling good). And what if someone else came along and encouraged you to continue to wear your shoes on the wrong feet, just wear a larger size?

What do you think your experience of that would be??

See, if you are truly tapping into your intuition (which good self-discovery programs do) then you will know what resonates with you and what doesn’t.

Stay committed to yourself. When you find something that resonates with you, don’t turn your back on it. Don’t let yourself get distracted. Don’t stop yourself short at the buried treasure. And for your own sake don’t stop just because you dug up a hornet’s nest! Keep going. You are SO worth it!

Here’s to having more healing crises!!!

I love you.

~Jade

If you are so inclined, check out my services page to find the service that fits you and your wallet. 

 

 

My Magick Medicine

I was tasked by a mentor to write about my medicine in an exercise. 

I have the capability to see what isn’t seen and hear what hasn’t been said, to heal what hasn’t been healed. The magic to make the scariest moment totally surmountable.

From the moment someone contacts me, if we are a good match the healing energy begins to flow. I don’t even know if I’m ‘supposed’ to manage that or if that is just what is meant to be. It no longer drains me, I manage that, so perhaps this is how I know when we are in sync? This healing can be so powerful -even before commitments are made- that often that is all people need from me.

I create a space of pure self-empowerment. I empower no one. I only remove the layers of density in place that have convinced my clients of their powerlessness; like Michelangelo released David from the Marble.

I support, assist and facilitate. I facilitate opportunities for experiential exploration, assist is looking/interpreting them and support finding one’s own answers. This is the true Medicine Woman way. Not to fix things, but to allow the Self to realize there is no brokenness to fix.

Having a Medicine Woman support you is rather like the difference between using GPS and a map. GPS will tell you exactly how to get there, with (hopefully) no missteps. It tells you exactly how long it will take there and will suggest detours when delays occur. But with GPS you don’t learn how to navigate your own path.

But a Medicine Woman is like a map. She is a tool that presents  ALL the possible routes to get you where you want to go, which route do YOU want to travel? Which one suits you? If you get caught in a relationship/job/mindset, what way do YOU think is best to continue your journey? You learn how to navigate your own path which is a lifelong beneficial skill.

As always….

I love you.

 

~Jade

 

Jade’s work is different and we think you will find it effective and economic. It combines Jade’s knowledge and skills cultivated over three decades of psychiatry, human services, hospice, geriatrics, crystal healing, QiGong, Reiki, and Therapeutic Touch with her natural Spirit given gifts of intuition and being an empath.

Check out our Healing Rite of Passage Me-Treat & Workshops for 2018 

To schedule services please review options here and email Jade here to make arrangements.