Why I Don't Help, Empower or Hustle


In my work I don’t help people. 

I don’t empower women. 

And I don’t hustle. 

Hustle: 

Here’s the thing, the word ‘hustle’ for me is a marketing buzz word intended to get you to DO MORE. I am about BEING MORE.

“You need to always be busy doing something to bring about your goals. If you are not hustling you are slacking.” 

In addition, don’t forget about the connotations of ‘hustle’ being shady, slick and underhanded. “I got hustled.” “He’s a hustler.” “The hustle and bustle.” 

Frenzied energy that does not lend to my MO. 

If you are hustling you are not allowing the flow and you know I am all about allowing the flow. If you are in alignment you are in the flow. There is no hustle to make things happen, there is just keeping up with the flow!!! You don’t make things happen you allow them to happen and dare to keep up! Some days it is all I can do to keep track of the increase in flow because SO much changes day to day that a week feels like it had to have been a month! How else could SO much be SO different? 

So I don’t ‘plan to hustle’ I ‘align to flow’. 

Empower: 

Here’s the official definition 

verb [with object and infinitive] 

give (someone) the authority or power to do something: nobody was empowered to sign checks on her behalf. 

Its a very egotistical power structure word. “I bestow upon you…” is the essence of it.

In my work I don’t see women or anyone as without authority or power. Everyone is born powerful and NO ONE can take that away, but like an illusionist, someone CAN convince you that they took it away. Therefore, if I am to open your eyes to the illusion I am not empowering you…I am not giving you something that you don’t already have within you…I am enabling you…but enabling has a stigma about it, doesn’t it? 

And here’s that definition:

give (someone or something) the authority or means to do something: [with object and infinitive] :  the evidence would enable us to arrive at firm conclusions. 

There is a very different energy about it for me. While both mention ‘authority’, empower talks of ‘giving power’  but enable speaks of ‘giving means’.

And further, enable is “ make possible: a number of courses are available to enable an understanding of a broad range of issues.” 

Rather than make (someone) stronger and more confident, especially in controlling their life and claiming their rights: movements to empower the poor.”

For me the difference is this. If I live in a house that has no electricity, I have to have the power company empower me. I don’t have electricity. I don’t have access to it at all unless it is given to me. 

BUT if I live in a house that has electricity, the power company does not empower me to flip the switch to turn it on. That is all me. 

We are born powerful. We do not get it bestowed upon us by anyone -other than perhaps our Creator, but that is a different conversation. However, the master illusionists in our lives and our society may have convinced us that those light switches on the wall are just for decoration. 

I enable people to access the power that others shamed them out of.

Help:

Oh, I saved this for last. Another very egotistical word that sets up a power structure. Why do you think it is SO hard for so many to ‘ask for help’????? It is felt as one reaching down to another. You have not fallen and need me to pull you up. You are not broken and need my help to put the pieces back together. No. I don’t help people…I assist people.

I assist people in their transformation transitions. 

That’s my magic super power. I am a transformer. I spark something in others that creates the fire of transformation. I am not their fire. I do not light their fire. I do not tend their fire. I do not set them on fire. 

I am a spark. Nothing more, nothing less. 

What one does with that spark is totally and completely up to them. If what comes next is nothing, then that is about them. If what comes next is a forest fire, that too is about them. I am a spark. Nothing more, nothing less. 

It doesn’t matter the transition you are struggling with: dying, grieving, marriage, unemployment, drug addiction, coming out, having a baby…my approach is still the same. 

I flow. 

I enable.

I assist.

I spark. 

And dare I say I might even sparkle while doing it!! 

I love you.

~Jade


Judgement

I’m not a very black and white thinker. In most cases I see 50,000 shades of grey. I am not an ‘all or nothing’ kinda chick…except when it comes to this.

It’s like being pregnant…you are either judgmental or you are accepting. There is no in between.

I have so many thoughts on this, I don’t even know where to begin. We all have opinions. We all see things from our own perspectives, and those perspectives are right for us…right now. Tomorrow they may or may not be the same. However your perspectives, no matter how strongly you believe in them, are never ever to be imposed on another.

Which means if you find yourself looking at someone else’s behavior, actions, words, or possessions and use the phrases “They should/shouldn’t…”, “That’s not right…”, “She really doesn’t need to…”, “He needs to…” “I wouldn’t do it like that…” you are being judgmental.

The ONLY exception to this is if you are discussing things regarding a relationship you are in. Then it is perfectly acceptable for you to, in essence, judge a person’s behaviors, actions, words and potentially even their possessions as they relate to you in your relationship or potential relationship.

That isn’t what I hear most often though. What I hear is people having strong opinions for themselves and using those opinions to judge the actions of another.

Right now I see this a lot regarding abortion.

I get you. You have strong feelings about abortion being the ending of a life. I support you in that. I support you in the times when you could’ve had an abortion and did not. I also support those who see it differently as well as those who chose to end their pregnancy, for whatever reason.

Because it is their life not mine. It is not mine to judge another, in any capacity, in anyone’s name, for any reason.

  • I do not dictate what others eat, though I have definite opinions on what ‘healthy’ means.
  • I do not dictate what others do for a living, though I have definite preferences for my own self.
  • I do not dictate whether someone is an organ donor, even though one person could save up to eight lives and a single tissue donor can save up to fifty lives!
  • I do not dictate how others raise their children although I feel very passionately about these lives.
  • I do not dictate the medical care of others even though I see how much modern day ‘medicine’ can be poisonous.

I feel good about the decisions I have made in my life, even though some of them I would not make now if presented with the same choices. That is because I learned from my journey…not because I judge myself for it.

I don’t want to be judged, therefore I do not judge and I do not assume others are judging me. That said, I know there are people who have judged me and who judge me today.

That’s ok. Look close…and learn.

Learn what it looks like to be

  • compassionate, even when it is challenging.
  • accepting, even when it is annoying.
  • inclusive, even when it is inconvenient.
  • honest, even when it is hard.

If you are judging me, you are missing out. You are missing out on an opportunity to expand your mind, your soul and your experience of life. If there is one thing I love hearing more than anything else is ‘Oh, I never thought of it like that’. Only good things ever follow that shift!

I have dug deep. Deep. To find a way of living that supports all the laws of love. I don’t talk the talk without walking that walk.

Judge not, lest you be judged…bet that I learned that one FIRST.

Judging others is a quick and easy junk food kind of thought diet that keeps incongruence and hypocrisy alive. It eases guilt for not being the very best version of yourself. When you feel you cannot or do not want to do better, it is easiest to alleviate the ill feelings around by pointing the finger at someone else and saying ‘look at how awful they are!! I would never do that!’

It is easy to say ‘if it were me, I would/wouldn’t…’, but it isn’t you, and that is the point. It isn’t you, therefore it is not for you to judge. It is not for you to decide anything for anyone else.

I will admit that I look at others and think, ”she could be happier if…” I’m still in debate with myself if this is judgment or assessment. I do not condemn that person as ‘bad’, or ‘less than’ in any way for not doing things the way I would, so for right now I am sticking with it being ‘assessment’.

As a Life Transitions Doula it is my job and my responsibility as well as my gift, to see things that individuals can do differently to attain a desired result. Unless they ask for my assistance though, I keep it to myself. On rare occasions I may make an observation and offer it, but am always receptive to the fact that they may not be ready to address these issues and my input ends there.

I may discuss it with another, but only with another who has a vested interest in the best outcome for that person, for the sole purpose of supporting said person in the highest possible fashion.

If your hobby is sitting around talking shit about people, you are being judgmental and you might as well own it out loud. Make no bones about it. Be honest about it and don’t pretend you are anything but.

I will tell you this though, what I observe in people who have this hobby, is an overwhelming dissatisfaction with life and underlying self-loathing.

I love you. I always will.

~Jade

Supporting Those In Transition

13 Pieces of Wisdom

If I had to bottom line my take on living your best life, it would be this list.

#1 When People Show You Who They Are Believe Them

Maya Angelou is one of my favorite authors and this is my favorite lesson from her. I used to really get caught up in what people told me. Their behavior would show me one thing, but their words would tell me another. I always believed their words. This made me easily manipulated.

When I started to put two and two together this quote really made sense to me. People can, and will, say anything to ‘keep’ you in their illusion.

#2 Rule of Three

The rule of three applies across the board for almost everything. What you put out into the world, comes back to you threefold. Third time’s the charm. But what I mean here is the pattern formula in relationships. The first time a behavior appears it can be a fluke or an error in judgement. The second time it appears is concerning and needs to be discussed. The third time is evidence of a pattern of behavior and if the behavior is a deal breaker, it is best to walk away. The pattern is difficult if not impossible to break without concentrated effort to change.

#3 Never Go Backwards

Ex’s are ex’s for a reason. What brought you together has deteriorated and you’ve grown in different ways in different directions or you wouldn’t have broken up. Don’t look back. Don’t buy into old patterns (see #2). The exception to this is time. If more than seven years have passed and you find yourself in different places at the same time, then explore! You are both different people. Give it a try. You never know what will happen. But make sure you keep #2 close to your heart because change many not have taken place after all.

#4 The Universe Is Conspiring On My Behalf

It is easy to believe this when events we deem good come our way. When in the midst of undesirable things however, this can be difficult to embrace.

You just have to look back over your life’s disappointments, heartaches and tragedies to see how they created openings for other wonderful things to enter your life. It doesn’t mean that they weren’t painful or hard. It doesn’t erase that pain or struggle, but it does help us heal from them. Life is filled with beginnings and endings; hellos and goodbyes; starts and stops.

Knowing that everything is perfectly perfect in its imperfection and all is in Divine Timing can get us through the most confusing times.

#5 Everything Happens As It Needs To

This flows perfectly from #4. Everything happens exactly as it needs to. Exactly. You can’t moan away hours whining that you ‘shoulda’ done something different. This moment of realization is brought to you courtesy of all the moments that came before it. Not everyone’s awakening/healing will happen in the same format. What is made available to you is done so when you are available to receive it and when it is most beneficial for you.

So often we lament over “I shoulda, woulda, coulda’s”. Nitpicking over every single memory inspecting where we went wrong or where we could’ve done better. It’s a waste of time. Bread is dough until it is fully finished baking. You want bread, my friend. Be bread. Embrace the bread. (Even if you choose gluten free!)

#6 Don’t Chase Anyone Who’s Walking Away From You

Rejection is a hard pill to swallow…so don’t. Rejection isn’t a thing except in your own mind. When someone is walking away from you, either at a cocktail party or after a 20 year marriage, it is not a rejection of you. It is an expression of their needs or wants. There is nothing lacking in you that you need to feel rejection over. Nothing.

And there is likely nothing lacking in that other person either. They just have indicated to you that connection lies elsewhere for both of you. A simple, ‘thank you for clarifying’, muttered under your breath is gratitude enough! You didn’t realize that lack of connection, so be grateful they did before you spent weeks, months or years figuring it out. Next!

#7 Always Follow Your Intuition

Ever say to yourself, “I KNEW it!” after something doesn’t quite go the way you expected? Or maybe it even did go as you expected. That is your intuition. It may not (and it does not) have logic or reason behind it, but it is as true as True North. You need to cultivate that. Don’t let your brain tell you that you must justify that niggle. That niggle is your built in navigation system. This is your direct line from your Source Self. It isn’t full of fallacy like the ego mind. It is pure and clean and accurate.

As we grow up though we may be surrounded by others who have ignored their intuition. They will convince you to turn yours off to, so if you are looking to turn it back on, it might take a bit to figure out the secret codes. How to decipher between your intuition and fear can be difficult. Here’s a tip: fear will move you away from something; your intuition will move you towards something.

#8 Your Life Is Created By Your Vibration

You may have heard this already – In fact, you may have heard all of these already – but you might not fully understand it. Maybe you don’t even understand vibration. Ok, let’s get personal for a moment.

Check into your body.

  1. Think of the last time you were disappointed. How did that feel in your body? Was it heavy? Dense?
  2. Now think of the last time you had an orgasm. How did that feel in your body? Not during, but after…the afterglow. Got it? How did that feel to you vibrationally? What words would you use to describe it?

How you feel after an orgasm is a moment of your highest vibration. You can feel the energy buzzing and humming throughout your body, under your skin long after the orgasm has past. You want to make choices, take actions and have beliefs that make you feel like that, rather than how you feel when you are disappointed. Being disappointed is a moment of your lowest vibration. If you can get your thoughts to a place where they make you feel your highest vibration (HV) you will attract things, people and events that match that. Then you will respond with HV which will cause more HV things to present themselves. Its an upward cycle. I don’t need to tell you there is an equal and opposite downward cycle with low vibration, do I?

Situations that bring your vibe down are inevitable, but you can switch on your highest vibration by revisiting HV thoughts and find the closest truest thought about the current situation. (If you’ve done ‘affirmations’ and they didn’t work for you, it is because you were missing this piece.)

#9 Eliminate “Should” From Your Vocabulary

As hinted at in #5 ‘should’ is a four letter word. Ok, it’s not, but it is profane in it’s manipulations. There is and never will be another you just as you are in this lifetime. Never. Not one. Therefore, these rules that surround ‘should’ are bogus. No one ‘should’ do or be or have anything specific at any given time.

Instead of shoulding yourself, “I should do this because it is the right thing to do”, say instead “I want (or need) to do this.” We all do things we don’t really want to do, for the sake of a healthy relationship. “I don’t want to go hiking, but I do want to participate in an activity that my beloved enjoys.” Should is a derivative of guilt and guilt needs to be a non-entity in your life.

#10 Let Go Of That Which No Longer Serves You

I remember the last nigh-nigh (pacifier) that my daughter had. She used them only when she went to bed, which is how they got their name. Nigh-nigh. At the point that I intuitively felt she could fall asleep without them, I stopped replacing them. By this time she understood the term ‘broken’ and that when things were broken we could not fix them and they went into the trash. So, as each nigh-nigh deteriorated I let her throw them away. One by one she let them go. They were no longer necessary. They no longer served her.

It is the same for many beliefs/thoughts/relationship/material possessions in our lives. We hold on, sometimes, just for the sake of holding on. We need to step back and see if something is serving us. We ask ourselves, ‘is this serving my highest good?’ ‘Is this taking me towards or away from my highest best life?’ And we let go of what isn’t and allow the Universe to present what is next.

#11 Fear Leads You Away From Something

I mentioned this in #7 but it is important enough to stand on it’s own as many of us cannot tell the difference between being cautious and letting fear get in our way. Now, I am not talking about the sort of fear that tells you not to go down a dark alley at midnight. I am talking about the kind that prevents you from expanding your wings and trying something new. The one that tells your heart, you can’t.

Intuition, says “meh, no not this, but maybe this”, while fear says, “oh no I can’t! That’s foolish! I could lose everything!” Intuition will always end with an alternate possibility and feeling elated, while fear will leave you in the exact same spot feeling defeated.

#12 Never Let Them Change Who You Are

Do you remember when someone first told you, ‘don’t sink to their level’? I do and I must confess it felt binding as well as vague. Internally, I wanted to hit them low when they hit me low. I wanted to impart pain in equal measure to what I’d experienced. When I did that though, it didn’t make me feel any better. The pain was still there and something else sat like sludge over the top of it.

Why? Because I was changing my nature to match someone else’s vibration. My higher self was conflicting with the lower expression of who I was. In short, I was letting them change who I was. That’s when you have lost…when you’ve lost who you are.

#13 Strive To Understand Before You Strive To Be Understood

I left this for last, because I want it to be the last taste in your mouth. I want it to hang off your lips and be the first to fall out. This is the key to successful relationships, no matter the relationship. Too many individuals are caught up in the power struggle to be ‘heard and understood’, because they feel like they have been voiceless. In a world where no one is listening that isn’t surprising.

I was raised Catholic and one of my very favorite songs is St. Francis’ prayer. It is filled with good advice that I have tried my best to live my life by. If you don’t know it, these are the words. And you can hear it here.

Prayer of St. Francis
Lord make me an instrument of your peace
Where there is hatred let me sow love
Where there is injury, pardon
Where there is doubt, faith
Where there is despair, hope
Where there is darkness, light
And where there is sadness, joy
O divine master grant that I may
not so much seek to be consoled as to console
to be understood as to understand
To be loved as to love
For it is in giving that we receive
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned
And it’s in dying that we are born to eternal life
Amen

 

I have long left my organized religious roots behind me. Or maybe they are just at the very root of who I became. I have taken the very best of what I’ve been taught and combined it with other teachings that resonated with Truth for me.

This, ‘to understand as to be understood’ is but one.

I leave you here, with this because there is no better way to leave you.

I understand, but I will never stop seeking to do so.

I love you,

~Jade

“Empowering Women”

“Empowering Women” is big business right now. Or at least it is in my circles. I can’t scroll through Facebook without an add or a post from someone who describes their work as ’empowering women’.

These people seem to have successful businesses doing it. I say seem because who knows what is real. Anyone can say anything in their own advertising. Damn, you can even write your own testimonials. People are notorious for test driving fancy cars through fancy neighborhoods, taking a photo and presenting it as if it were their own manifestation. Yes, if you are paying attention, I am a little jaded – pun intended – on my own industry right about now. Because I don’t like tactics, or facades. I like real and authentic. But that’s another topic.

I do not and will not ever say I empower women. Women -actually, everyone – are born empowered. That Light that makes you alive is power. You always have it. You can’t lose it and I can’t give it to you. I can’t even do a ceremonial ritual to activate it in you. The very best I can do is ENABLE you to access it, because someone else DISABLED your access to it, prior. Honestly, all that disabling was an illusion anyway, so I’m really just pulling back the curtain. Its easier when you have the right tools, and I’ve been collecting them for a long time now.

What I’ve noticed lately in this empowerment culture, is a call to Sisterhood. What I’ve also noticed is that it is Sisterhoods run like The Boy’s Club. It is sisterhood as long as some one is doing poorly and those in power (hierarchy) can feel good about themselves lending a hand up.

Have you noticed that in a group of women when one puts herself down, makes herself small and criticizes herself, all the other women rally around and tell her how beautiful she is, how amazing she is, how much she has to offer and that she needs to find her voice to speak her truth?

Have you also noticed that, in that same group of women, when one who’s found her voice, speaks her truth compassionately, lends her educated opinion intelligently and offers to share her gifts generously, that same group of women put her ‘in her place’ and tear her down – telling her she is full of herself, opinionated, self-promoting and self-serving? “Polite” people will call her intimidating. (I’m not talking about those who practice the ‘fake it til you make it’ protocol. That is overcompensation, not authentic and not at all what I’m referencing here.)

I’ve watched it now, specifically for 6 months in various formats. So often I see women eager to raise up others they perceive to be beneath them, and tear down other women they perceive to be above them. Even more so, I see women aggressively tear down those they might feel are equal to them, because they see them as direct competition.

This is the Old Boy’s Club paradigm at work. They have divided us first from men, then from each other by race, religion and socioeconomic status. How smart that Boy’s Club is! We do all their dirty work for them! We take each other out for the smallest crumbs at the table. All they have to do then is take out the few that rise above the culling of the herd.

We have become our own worst enemy at exactly the worst time.

This world needs the Divine Feminine more than ever, but we have disabled ourselves. We have turned on each other and made it so we would each prefer to side with men, because at least there we know where we stand. We know what to expect. We know that we will be insulted to our face, not stabbed in the back. (And I think subconsciously, we think that is the path to power.)

Ever wonder why a woman would side with a man against all reason? Why when he treats her so poorly, she will stand with him against other women? Because of the Boy’s Club mentality. It is what has women support someone who openly admits that his power allows him to grab women by the pussy, and that those women think they are special because of it. It is why we immediately question a female victim’s motives, rather than supporting her in telling her story.

Like I said, the Boys did their jobs well.

It starts early and never seems to end. I experienced sexual harassment from a gang of girls in the sixth grade. My own mother threw me out of the house when she found out I’d reported my college teacher for sexual harassment. I experienced a gang of women chiding and making fun of me after I reported having been trapped in an office by a male co-worker unknown to me who made sexual references.

Have you seen this video circulating on Facebook?

You.

Must.

Watch.

We have too much been told we are too much. We have too much been dimmed. We have too much wounded one another in the race to the top of the pyramid. Enough!

Enough of the school yard bullying. Enough of the board room bullying. Enough! If you are a woman than your first inclination towards another woman needs to be kindness not competition. Boys have pit us against one another for far too long…since grade school for many of us. Enough.

I see so many women calling themselves warriors, boss bitches and even some who call themselves ‘spiritual gangsters’. This is not the way to embrace and honor the Divine Feminine! These are all men’s pants that women are putting on! We need to be the gentler strength. We need to be Queens and Goddesses! We need to be Maids, Mothers and Crones!! We need to embrace the strong woman archetypes of all variations, not just the ones that exhibit Divine Masculine.

We need to ‘beat’ them at our game, not try to play theirs. I just watched the most heart wrenching video of one of the most heroic women I have ever heard of. She isn’t a politician. She isn’t telling her ‘me too’ story. She hasn’t gone to the board room and declared war.

She was held captive and beaten for two days by her boyfriend, before she convinced him to take her and her dog to the veterinarian’s clinic. She then got out of eyesight of her boyfriend, wrote a note and slipped it to a tech behind the desk. In the note she states that she’s being threatened and her boyfriend has a gun. The staff went into action, put them in an isolated room and called the police without alerting anyone. The arrest was made smoothly without incident to her. Then she broke down while she displayed her bruises.

If you haven’t seen it, watch it here

It’s heart breaking but makes me so proud to be a woman. Never give up.

One woman had told her story in front of the nation and faced her accused abuser. I believe 100% of women need to support her, but I am shocked to find that not so. I do not understand.

And then today I see a video of a white woman who, without cause, barred a black gentleman from entering his own apartment building. And then I saw a post by a black woman who was reported to security and the police by a white man as she was going through her own trunk.

Underlying premise…people of color cannot have nice things.

What does that have to do with empowering women? 1) What if the roles had been reversed?  What if he had done that to her? And if she truly thought he didn’t belong why did she willingly lock herself into a confined space with him? 2) That white male…would he have called the police if he’d seen that black woman being raped instead of rummaging in her trunk? Or would he have chosen ‘not to get involved’?

I do not understand the society mindset today.

Women. We need to have each other’s backs and we need to not become douchebags and call it ‘asserting ourselves’.

Let’s be better.

I love you. I do. But some days…..

~Jade

 

 

Keto WOE vs Keto DIET

Let me first start out by saying this was supposed to be a private thing. This was written for two Facebook support groups. One called “Push For Your Better” and the other “Ketogenic Diet – motivation group”. It was denied approval by both groups. I am disgusted and will be leaving them both. Or maybe not, maybe when you are done reading you can explain to me why this would not be approved. *edit So, it appears that the link to my blog is the problem with the post and why it was not approved. In fact, it got me essentially kicked out of a third group. 

My Keto Friends,

I have been watching, mostly from the sidelines, as I traversed my own Keto journey. Lately I have been feeling overwhelmed by the emotions behind the posts ‘I’ve been doing Keto since _______ and have only lost ___ pounds’. Some are super heartbreaking, in that they have been doing it a long time with proportionately little loss. While others seem to be skewed, being on the protocol a few weeks with what I would deem a proportionately significant weight loss.

This has been haunting me.

Why? Well, let me share a bit about myself so you can get the clearest picture. I am a Life Enhancement Specialist. I am an energy healer with a 30 year career of social work to go with it. What that means is I’ve taken all the experience from my years working with humans in their worst moments and combined it with my equally as long career of metaphysical healing work (sacred work) to facilitate opportunities of growth and healing for others. I help people connect what is going on with their bodies to what is going on in their mind and heart.

I have struggled with weight issues since I was 24 and started on birth control. I’ve struggled with body image issues though since I was 15, 5’2” and 115# when the doctor said, before even looking at me, “So, I see you’re carrying a little extra weight.” Though not particularly athletic, I had an athletic build. He changed his tune after examining me, but the seed was planted and took root.

I am a hippie-dippie, gypsy, tree-hugging, lie naked under the moon, health conscious, holistic, naturpathic and homeopathic woman of 53 years. I know that the physical body is only mirroring the emotional and energetic bodies. I have worked on my internal stuff religiously and openly, while assisting others on their path of healing. None of this work helped me lose weight, though. Not that I intended it to, but do you remember the time when the big tag line was ‘it’s not what you’re eating, it’s what’s eating you’?

Well, sometimes it’s not.

Sometimes it is the food you are eating. Which is where I am now. Learning how the ‘healthy’ way of eating that we were taught, and that I’ve been following religiously, has made me sick. It started in January 2018, when I learned about the Whole30 protocol. I went 42 days. I only lost 10 pounds, but I also lost ‘Fibromyalgia’. Since day 21 I have not had a single Fibro symptom! FOOD! Food was the cause, but no doctor ever even suggested that could be an issue. They just offered me pills.

I stayed true to Whole30 for the next three months. I added back what I really wanted to, and what didn’t seem to affect me. Despite this by June I had only lost two more pounds. Something was still not right. Then I found Ketogenic. I was grateful for the Whole30 start because switching to Keto was a breeze. I had rid myself of most of the carbs and addictions by then. It was just a matter of letting go of the sweet potatoes and the high amount of veggies I was eating. Plus I got to add back in dairy, which I had missed. Easy.

Still the weight loss has been slow. It even prompted me to write about it in my blog, finally. The scale is not my friend. Everyone is different but the stories of rapid weight loss were weighing on me (pun intended). I didn’t get on the scale often but that almost made it worse, because I would think ‘after this long the scale must have moved a lot!’ It hadn’t, yet I was fitting into clothes that I was originally wearing at a lower weight. I found myself disappointed, de-motivated and ready to give up. But I don’t allow giving up, so that caused me to once again look inside.

Why was an arbitrary number holding so much value for me? I delved into it and wrote about that, here https://willowsongmedicine.wordpress.com/2018/09/08/its-not-about-the-diet-its-about-life/

What I realized is that I put more value in the number on that scale than the myriads of other evidence showing me that this is a resonant path for me. It revealed my dependence on external validation. It was a huge breakthrough for me. If you have the time, read the post. It was really powerful for me.

So, that brings me back to today and why I think so many of your ‘I’ve only lost____pounds….’ posts are haunting me.

This is a way of eating (WOE). It is not a diet. I see a lot of you saying that, but you aren’t living it. If you are relying on the scale for validation of a job well done, then regardless of what you say, you are looking at this as a diet. If you are looking at your life and seeing validation of a job well done in many places, then you are truly seeing it as a way of eating. Does that make sense?

It isn’t the scale or the protocol that is in question, its your perspective (which is developed from your programming.)

Our bodies, our minds and our spirits are intertwined. You can’t fix one and expect the others to magically align. You have to work on them all simultaneously. If you are looking for a scale ‘high’ to replace the ‘high’ from carbs/sugar you aren’t addressing the real issue…your need for a ‘high’. That’s addictive behavior. The need to see fast results (whatever ‘fast’ means to you) instead of realizing you are just doing something good for yourself. That’s a dependence on immediate gratification; the underlying premise of addiction.

When you are accepting a new way of eating you are changing your whole lifestyle to a more mindful experience. Without that awareness you are just doing a fad diet.

You are doing yourself a disservice if you are not doing your inside work along with the Keto WOE. I believe that it is those who do not do both sides of the work that gain the weight back or struggle the most (going off and on, can’t get back on etc.)

So there it is. My thoughts today. I hope they help.

*end

So, now this becomes a full on blog post rather than a little group post. Which is me being extremely transparent and breathing big. 

I love you. 

~Jade

 

Lessons From The Water

I recently started swimming again. Who knew you could join the fitness center and pool at the local high school? I certainly didn’t! What a gift!!

barefoot beach blur break
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

I have always loved to swim. In pools. In lakes. It never mattered. I love being in the water. With my new found pain free existance and my physical alignment, I am moving better and realized how amazing my body feels after swimming now.

What I didn’t realize is the emotional stuff it would impact as well.

Water represents emotions and I knew that going in (to the pool.) I wasn’t surprised that it gave me inspiration, but I didn’t expect it to stir up my emotions. Which is kinda funny, because why wouldn’t I? Why didn’t I?

Movement does that. And movement in water would do that more. I have been paralyzed to some extent for a long long time because of the inflammatory effects of the foods I was eating. This storage system was a perfect keeping place for my body to hold the energy of past events. So, as my body has come into alignment with my spiritual alignment things are being released and experienced as they move up and out of my body. Movement in water, would only enhance the emotional releases.

So, quite literally I’ve been swimming in old memories and the emotions related to them. One after another rises up to my conscious without warning – like they tend to. At first I was stunned. “Why would this come up, now?” “Where is this coming from?” It was a quick minute to realize that this was resurfacing and I did not allow myself to get stuck in the current revisitation of it.

There is a point where you can get caught up in that resurfacing and begin to relive it rather than release it. Its a choice you make. Or maybe its a habit (though a habit is indeed a choice.) It just takes a simple thought to keep us on track, “This isn’t current. This is making its way up and out.”

Though these memories catch me off guard, I have decided I like them. I like that they are resurfacing and leaving my body. I love it, actually. Its new for me, and I welcome it. I do. I feel like this is just another Healing Rite of Passage! Sort of like going through my house and purging out all that no longer resonates and the satisfaction I get at each bag of trash or donation items I take out.

How do I know these are resurfacing to be released? Well, the curious thing is that these are memories I haven’t thought about in years…decades even. They just popped into my mind in relation to a thought about a body part, ie: the throat, for instance. When the memory picture popped up there was only a shadow of the emotions felt at the time. I could’ve easily fallen back into them with my thoughts, but did not. Then, lastly, after that the memory is gone and I cannot at this moment remember anything other than it occurring. No memory of the specific memories that resurfaced.

How cool is that? But that’s not all…

Swimming is more than exercise for the body, it is exercise for the mind (meditation) and for the Spirit (metaphor for the Universe) and for the energetic body (aura cleansing). Water is the elemental representation of the Universe. All the things that are true in water are true in Life.

  1. If you struggle, you drown. (Struggle indicates misalignment aka suffering)
  2. To float you must surrender. (Go with the flow)
  3. When you float you are fully supported by the Universe with no effort on your part. (The Universe is conspiring on your behalf)
  4. It is never good to hold your breath, but rather to breathe fully, efficiently and at the right time. (The breath of life is an even in and out, receive and release motion.)

We are Spiritual beings in an Elemental vehicle. It is a mistake to choose one over the other as more important. You cannot attend to one and neglect the other. And when you attend to the elemental vehicle, using as many of the the elements as possible is important: air, water, fire and earth. Find ways to incorporate all of these into your physical care of your physical vehicle.

Suggestions:

  1. Swimming
  2. Bonfires
  3. Sunbathing
  4. Boating
  5. Hiking
  6. Picnic on the ground
  7. Meditation on the ground
  8. Moonbathing
  9. Brisk walking
  10. Sauna
  11. Hot baths
  12. Floating (in a float room)
  13. Hot yoga

Anything that uses at least two of the four elements will be more beneficially charged. Swimming outdoors on a sunny day in a lake would be the optimum as it incorporates all four elements of air, fire, water and earth.

Too many of us are locked inside concrete walls and have time outdoors marked as superfluous or for special occasions. We need the elements in our daily lives, even if in just small doses at first. In the midwest, this is almost automatic in summer with yard work or #lakelife, but we need to make it a priority in the winter as well. A good ole snowball fight is just as beneficial as time spent swimming in a lake. And out in a snowstorm?! Even better!!!

Let me know what miraculous things happen for you when you use the elements like this!

I love you.

~Jade

 

It Always Comes Down To Choice

There are only two ways to live your life: as though nothing is a miracle, or as though everything is a miracle. ~Albert Einstein

This simple quote affected me in quite a magnanimous way. Suddenly, everything made sense. It all comes down to what we choose to see.

Today I was in Meijer, grocery shopping. I’ve had a stress-filled couple of days including 9 hours in the car. I didn’t feel like showering or putting on make-up but we needed food. So, I threw on a tank top, some yoga pants and ran a brush through my hair.

As I walked through the store, I noticed how my body is moving differently. With all the foods I’ve eliminated, the inflammation in my body is also being eliminated. I notice muscles that seem to have been too paralyzed to move before. I notice how I walk differently, using different muscles, standing straighter…feeling straighter.

As I gathered the items needed I was also creating a recipe in my head. A roasted garlic cheese dip, to be exact. I hadn’t found a recipe that sounded quite right, so I’m creating it in my head as I shop, hoping it will be finished so I can gather all the ingredients.

One of the things I love about Michigan is the people are so nice here. More noticeably so than anywhere else I’ve been. I love making eye contact, smiling and exchanging greetings. Everyone this morning seemed to be particularly engaging.

I was walking through the store, with my recipe creating in my head and also thinking how really awesome Life is, and how the Universal Laws are always in effect…even if you don’t believe they exist. I had such deep gratitude and admiration for how things have shown up at my life, at just the right time as I’ve become more in alignment. All pieces have to be in place in just the right order for them to be most effective. But the beautiful thing is, you don’t have to know what that order is, you just have to work on your alignment and they fall into place!

Everything in Divine Timing. You might want to work on one thing, not realizing that something else, or multiple things, need to be aligned before that original thing.  It might be months or even years before that thing sees results, which can be disheartening if you aren’t paying attention to all the other issues coming into alignment.

The past 4 years I’ve been on a roll, even though it hasn’t felt like it. This year though it is quite evident, and I can see exactly why events needed to take place exactly as they have. Exactly.

Back to Meijer…as I was standing in the baking aisle, attempting to find sugar free chocolate chips with no artificial sweeteners, it happened. One of those crystal clear revelations. I was standing, staring at the shelves of baking chips, when this woman interrupts me to tell me about this great mixed nut find she uses as an alternative to other nuts for baking crusts.

She just started talking to me. She didn’t ask me a question about what I was looking for or what I was baking. She just offered her expertise. I found myself wondering why she chose me to reveal this secret to. I have no interest in this information at this point. I’m not even looking at the nuts.

And then I thought, “I’m really glad that I am someone with whom others want to share their experience. I’m glad she felt comfortable sharing this with me.” She was brief, didn’t take up much of my time (though time surely slowed down for all this awareness to happen.)

And in that moment, I realized I had made a choice.

I could have been annoyed or I could be grateful.

I was crystal clear on that moment when someone makes that choice. It was as if I was out of my body watching the whole encounter.

Is this one of the surprising side effects to being in alignment? It’s so strong that others are compelled to engage with you? As an empath I’ve always been someone with whom others share personal stuff rather easily, but it hasn’t always been healthy. I remember once, being trapped by a woman in a Kohl’s bathroom because she had positioned herself between me and the door and wouldn’t stop telling me about her life problems. My friend actually came to find me and pull me out after a half hour of waiting for me. But this doesn’t feel like that. This feels like something else altogether. This feels magical. It feels like a reward; sweet, kind and without boundary violations.

Life is an illusion of our own creation. That’s it. In a nutshell. You can either paint with all the colors of the pallet or stick with brown and black. It’s completely up to you. Everyone gets the same pallet, but a different canvas; it’s up to you to choose what colors go on that canvas.

monochrome photography of frames
Photo by Jimmy Chan on Pexels.com

My friends used to call me the Queen of Reframing…and I am, I suppose. Have you ever picked out a piece of unframed art? You fall in love with this piece on canvas and then begin looking for the right frame to really bring out the parts you love about the piece. The frame changes your experience of that painting. The right frame can turn a simple insignificant piece of art into a masterpiece. Of course, the opposite is also true. It can completely ruin a piece and make it undesirable. 

Framing is an art.

So (as it so often is in my writings) it is in life. At any point we have the choice of which frame to put on a particular painting.

When I get up every morning I choose the types of frame at my disposal. So when that lady approached me in the grocery store, it wasn’t random. That frame is in my energy field which communicated a resonance with her. This is how she knew it was safe to share with me. I walk through my life with that energy following me, preceding me and surrounding me.

The really beautiful thing is that it has a blossoming effect. You start with the mindset…that choice of frame. That leads to an improved vibration which feels good. This goes out into your energy field and resonates with other like-vibing things (people and events), which draws them to you. These improved experiences resonate with you on a higher vibe which feels good and improves your mindset. You then respond with an even higher vibration and the cycle starts all over again.

This is how it works. Life. It’s what people mean when they say you get back what you give out. It isn’t about usurping the natural process of life that ebbs and flows. It is about maximizing those flows and managing those ebbs, though.

It is how you make the most of life.

And that is where I shall leave you for today. In the very magical place of choice.

I love you.

~Jade

 

 

To A Facebook Acquaintance

I know you are angry.
I know that below that anger is hurt.
And I know that below that hurt is fear.
 
I know.
 
Don’t tell me I don’t know, because I’m not you. It makes no sense. Because you see, you are not me, therefore by your own formula you can’t know, whether or not I know, because you don’t know, because you’re not me.
 
See, the thing is I can’t hear you when you are angry. I can’t hear you when you are screaming. The louder and angrier you get the more I shut down. The more I don’t want to hear you. I cannot focus on your words or your wounds, because all I hear and see is your behavior. Its frightening. As frightening to me as that which you are yelling about.
 
It doesn’t mean I don’t care. It doesn’t even mean I don’t agree, I just can’t be with that energy you see. I can’t align with you there, in that place.
 
Everything is anger with you. Your anger is so loud you cannot even hear those who support you. Your anger is so big it blinds you to those who stand with you. It prevents you from seeing that you are part of the problem. That anger is part of the problem. That anger can never be part of the solution.
 
Solutions live where anger can’t. Anger is not of the heart, it is of the mind. You convince yourself that anger is passion, it is not. It is fear and where fear is, passion cannot breathe. Passion lives where there is Peace, because Peace has no limits. There it can live and breathe unfettered. It can have life and solutions can come forth.
 
But they will not come while you are angry. They will not come while you are screaming. They will not come while you flail your arms.
 
They will not come until your mouth quiets and your mind opens.
Until your heart opens.
Until your arms open.
 
I know there is pain and fear. I know there is hurt. I’m not asking you to put that aside. I’m asking you to let go of the anger that created the problem to find the solution.
 
I’m asking you to BE the solution.
 
I love you.
~Jade

It’s Not About The Diet, It’s About Life

I’ve had the shiftiest week.

It started with swimmer’s ear. Look, I walk the walk. I’m not just going to point out that your left knee pain is connected to your ability to easily move in your Femininity; Or that your relationship with your brother is causing the pain in your right shoulder, only to then totally ignore (or hide) my own right sided ear ache! I walk my talk, my friends.

After nearly 6 years of living with and trying to manage Fibromyalgia, my persistence paid off and I have been asymptomatic since doing the Whole30 protocol (January 2018) and discovering precisely how my body reacts to certain foods. Through that process I relieved myself of every single ‘fibromyalgia’ symptom, additional hip pain, migraines, daily headaches and wheezing. Oh yeah, I lost a few pounds too. I did not get the ‘energy’ that most people talked about, though.

Five more months of living fairly close to the guidelines, yielded no more weight loss and no energy surge. It was then I was introduced to the Ketogenic diet. Now, normally I stay away from anything at all with the word ‘diet’ in it. I am not a quick fix girl. Clearly. Or I would’ve opted for the Lyrica that the doctors wanted me on for my fibromyalgia (although I did try it and it was no ‘fix’ at all.)

Backstory note: One of the basic premises of my life is, and has always been, ‘there is no problem without a solution’. I may not always like the solution, but there is always a solution. So, no matter how long a problem goes on, I never ever give up on finding that solution. I know that when I am in the right vibration, that solution will present itself. 

So, that said, I am not into quick fix diets, but I am also one to listen to the Universe when it speaks to me. It spoke to me about Whole30 and look how that turned out! So, time and time again I was running into this ‘Keto’ thing. Finally, a woman friend I respect a great deal told me of her struggles and her resulting triumph with Keto. She referred me to a Netflix documentary called, “The Magic Pill”. (I honestly resisted watching it based on the title alone!) But since the Universe had gone out of its way to put all these pieces together for me, I opted to watch. I’m really glad I did. If you haven’t watched it, take some time and do so. It was well done and informative. It makes a lot of sense, to me.

And so I began my Keto journey.

But this isn’t about the diet, its about life, so just hang with me here while I get there. I have struggled with weight issues since I was 24, when I got the Depo Provera shot for birth control. If you learn nothing else from this piece, let it be to never mess with your hormones! I would spend the next 29 years paying the price, until a solution (perhaps not thee solution) would show up.

The ever supportive medical community literally told me to ‘eat more veggies and push away from the table‘, while my friends empathized with me because they knew how ‘healthy‘ I ate. I say ‘healthy’ because as it turns out, what has been deemed healthy eating in the dietary guidelines by the Office of Disease Prevention and Health Promotion, isn’t actually healthy for me.

Now, I am heading to my third month on Keto. I have not been perfect. However, those slips have given me vital information that now fuel my drive for success. I can see with my eyes, in photos, what foods are doing to me almost immediately. I don’t need to rely on a scale for feedback. Which brings me to one point of this piece: External Validation.

While I focus primarily on NSV (non-scale victories) I still wished very much for the number on the scale to go down. I’m not doing this for the weight loss. I am doing this because the weight gain is a symptom of some imbalance that was created nearly 3 decades ago. Losing weight would be super awesome, but until I get that inner balance achieved it won’t mean a thing, even if the scale moves downward.

After the period of slippage from the Keto path, I weighed myself and despite doing really well before that slippage, the scale had not moved at all. I don’t weigh myself regularly, so it isn’t like I had a weekly weight to gage by. No, I weighed myself, then started Keto, then weighed one week later, then two weeks of ‘good’, then three weeks of ‘bad’ and then one week of ‘good’ and then weighed again. So, you see, it was super not helpful at all. Too bad I didn’t figure that out before I stepped on the scale. It was exactly where it had been after that first week. And I was so disappointed.

Not ‘give up’ disappointed. Just the opposite, I was fueled by it. More determined to ‘do this perfectly’ (which has its own set of land mines, to be sure). I was really hard on myself for not being stronger of will during that period of time.

Then it hit me. This is the ultimate experience of contrast. This shows me exactly what isn’t working for me, therefore narrowing down what does. Ok, good. That’s point two of this article (yes, I’m still working on disclosing point one, you haven’t missed it.) We can’t know what doesn’t work for us, unless we feel how it doesn’t work for us. We need to internalize the experience to really ‘get it’. I was gaining valuable information specific to me, not a diet, about how food reacts in my system. Ok, so I stopped being hard on myself, but remain fueled to use this information to continue to narrow in on what is healthy for me.

I made a vow not to get on the scale again until January 1, 2019 because every once in awhile I noticed the feeling of disappointment still lingering regarding the scale not moving downward.

I didn’t know how powerful that vow would become.

I stayed focused and re-experienced all the original NSVs; increased energy, better sleep, faster healing from scrapes, less bruising, clothes fitting better and even some too big and most visible of all, less bloating and puffiness. I was getting really really excited by it all. I even began swimming again daily, which is not something I’ve done in forever. I was feeling downright magical! In fact, I was feeling so good I wanted to see what the scale said!

But I made a vow. And I always keep my vows.

So, I stayed off the scale. Still that lingering disappointment niggle would find its way into my thoughts. I found myself eager for vindication! While it was easy enough to tell it to shove off because I made a vow, the curious part of me – the part that walks my talk – wanted to explore this persistent niggle. (How long will it take to get to point one, I wonder?) Why with all the other evidence of benefit that this way of eating was showing me, did I feel the need to see the scale?

And then it hit me…external validation (oh there’s that point one!) So the question became, ‘why with all the other evidence of benefit did I need the scale to validate my success?’

Man that hit me head on. Why did I need any other validation than what I’d already received? The weight was and is only one small symptom, yet it is the one I feel most judged by, I suppose. So, I guess it’s the one I’d like to see remedied the quickest so that I can be validated -or rather- my efforts can be validated.

Now, to drive home that point one!

Then I realized this wasn’t about the diet at all. It’s about Life. This is how it is throughout Life, with self-development. Often the changes we make on the inside aren’t enough for us. We want to see external results of them quickly. We want empirical evidence of how we are feeling. In addition, we often cycle…we make changes internally and we recognize their benefits immediately, we feel better, then slide back into old habits, realize how truly terrible that feels within us, get back on track and then still look for external validation of our efforts.

Isn’t that the foundation of ‘The Secret’ and all other ‘manifesting’ programs? That you make a change inside to solicit a change on the outside. Yet, my research, experience and teachings all reflect that to make a change inside with the purpose to achieve a specific desired outcome, is a mutually exclusive construct because you are actually efforting to change something outside yourself, which is impossible. This is manipulation. “I will change myself so that someone/thing else will be different” with the unspoken end to that being “and then I’ll be happy.”

Instead, the motivation for change must be for the change you are making itself. “I will change myself because that change resonates with me.” Everything else then is a side effect. It could be a pleasurable side effect like increased health or wealth. Or it could be an unpleasant side effect like a break up or job loss. Yet even those unpleasant side effects usually end up revealing very pleasant pay offs (isn’t it ‘wealth’ to be rid of soul sucking relationships and jobs?)

So, my needing the scale to validate my health efforts is like looking at my bank account to validate my abundance mindset. Its not healthy. Its a need for external validation. Remember when I said up there that until that inner balance is achieved it won’t mean a thing, even if the scale went down?  Well, the same is true here. Until that inner balance is achieved it won’t mean a thing, even if my bank account went up. The need for an external validation, is a need to use a measure deemed valid by society to measure myself against. Which means that there is programming within me, still running, that says ‘my own experience isn’t enough validation’.

Oh, how fucking powerful that one is. (Pardon my language, Aunt Dorothy!)

Really, I had to sit down for that one. The shift was so powerful and immediate that I was light-headed for a couple of minutes! Those are life changing moments, you know? When something hits you that hard, you know you hit a root. I knew immediately, precisely when that premise was sealed for me too.

I have always been empathic, intuitive and ‘touchy feely’. However, my father was not wired that way and demanded logic to everything. I remember distinctly when I finally ‘got’ that my way wasn’t the ‘right’ way, in his eyes. We were in Minnesota visiting two College campuses. I had spent the first night on the College of St. Teresa campus where I was given a room and a Big Sister, a full tour, dinner with Big Sister and her friends, invitation to partake in activities, etc. I was really made to feel at home and loved it. I didn’t really want to visit St. Mary’s after that, but my parents thought it pertinent to keep our plans.

I had an awful experience at St. Mary’s. I was given a brief tour after which I was left on my own for the rest of the night…dinner in the cafeteria, tv in the lounge and sit in the empty room with pipes that banged mercilessly. It was ghastly. I never felt so disregarded in my life. Talk about an experience of contrast! In a span of 48 hours I had the experience of exactly what I wanted and exactly what I didn’t!

In the morning when my parents picked me up and asked how it was I told them I hated it. I gave them a detailed description of my night, at the end of which my father asked which school I would prefer. I would’ve thought it would be obvious. CST hands down. “Why?” he asked. Had he not listened to a word I said? “I just told you. It was a horrible experience. They don’t seem to care about me.” To which he replied, “That’s not a reason.”

He continued to grill me for reasons that satisfied him. He pushed me to the point of hysterical crying.

Yup. That right there was the cement that sealed the deal on the premise ‘my own experience is not enough validation’. Basically what went down was I said ‘it doesn’t resonate with me‘ and he said ‘that’s not valid‘.

When in fact, it turns out, it is the only validation that matters!!!

And of course, every premise has a counter balance that is automatically instilled as well. Which means, if  ‘it doesn’t resonate with me‘ isn’t valid then neither is ‘it resonates with me‘. So the whole thing boils down to this ‘my feelings are not valid’ which leaves one vulnerable to a whole lot of exploitation.

See, I told ya…its been a shifty week!

So that’s why I was negating all the benefits I felt from my change in eating and looking to validate them with reason (aka the scale).

And then I realized how often this same premise shows up in my self-development work. How often I am looking to validate my success with a big client roster, my expertise with references, my effectiveness with financial gain.

All external references. Reasons to prove that the risks I’ve taken and the choices I’ve made are valid. Internally, I have all the empirical evidence I need to know that living by resonance rather than reason works and that I have the skills to help others apply it to their lives too.

Just like I don’t need a scale to tell me I am doing right by my body…

So it is on the Spiritual journey as well.

I kept looking at where I still wasn’t (instead of where I’d been) for validation, devaluing all the gains because they were not what I had planned. That’s when I realized the similarity between how we feed our bodies and how we feed our souls.

It works the same way. When we feed the body junk food (junk to our own body, not necessarily junk by dietary guidelines) it weighs us down; and when we feed the Soul junk food it too weighs us down in the form of depression, addiction, sadness etc. Can you feel how ‘heavy’ those energies are?

Then when we seek to make a change, those changes motivated by resonance rather than specific desired outcome (reason) will have lasting results rather than quick fix schemes that are short lived. For example, a mindset shift rather than simply thinking positive thoughts. A new way of eating rather than a weight loss diet.

Do you see the correlation? Everything in nature is laid out for us as a sort of guide map of how to get the most out of this life. There are hints everywhere in nature. From the rivers flowing into the oceans to the bears hibernation. There are messages and hints like one giant scavenger hunt, with each of us having our own set of instructions that lead to the same place, Heaven (but not the colloquial type of Heaven).

The state of Heaven on Earth that resides in us all (but that’s for another post).

Now, back to the third point of this lengthy writing, that I actually mentioned first; the right-sided ear ache. Not only are there examples in nature to give us clues on how things work in the Universe, we also receive very specific-to-us messages by way of events, dis-ease and dis-orders. In short, our bodies are also telling us what is up and giving us validation, or invalidation to be more accurate.

Since resolving the fibromyalgia, I have had back to back underlying issues to resolve that I believe were caused by the constant state of inflammation I was in. The inflammation causing other damage. So, I’ve been patient with my body attending to its every communication. These past two months it had been a left hip and left shoulder issue that ran me to try Rolfing for the first time. This actually exacerbated the hip pain as things were put back into place and one last piece remained woefully out of place. This was fixed with one visit to the chiropractor and one session with my beloved energy healing group.

I had begun swimming because it initially seemed to relieve some of that hip pain before the chiropractor visit. I absolutely adore swimming and after so many years of not moving so freely, being in the water again was like being reborn a mermaid. The activity is active meditation for me and the benefits are so numerous. Far above ‘just good exercise’, but that’s another post.

I was so excited to be feeling this good that I neglected to consider swimmer’s ear. I’d had it a couple of times and it was quite easily remediable, so perhaps that’s why. I had been swimming almost 5 times a week for three weeks with no issue, until last week when I ‘had to swim’ as a coping mechanism because I was confronted with a current situation that is tied to my past marriage. I knew swimming would make me feel better, so I dove right in (see what I did there?)

In the meantime, I was processing this current event with a friend of mine who suggested that I needed to allow the assistance of the masculine energy in this situation. This required some thought from me. Yes, I could feel my reluctance at accepting this help. This goes back to the days when I was taught that it was weak to ask for help. But I was over that wasn’t I? Apparently not. Accepting masculine assistance. Ah, yes, I can see how there is resistance there…

The very next day I began to feel fatigued and a slight pain in the ear. The following day when it became a little worse, I used the stand-by alcohol/vinegar mix. Getting worse. Then the garlic olive oil mix. Worse. Tea tree oil. Worse. On and on this went. I made trips to the health food store for ear candling and homeopathic drops. Not worse but only better for a short time.

I delved right into analyzing the ear situation. What had made this right ear vulnerable to such attack? Right ear = masculine. Ok, gotcha. We talked about this masculine energy, right? Ear = hearing. What am I not listening to? Good lord! When I am I not listening??!! I can’t possibly listen to anything else or I quite simply will not be able to function in society! That cannot be it. It can’t be anything I am not hearing, either, because that is another way to look at it. I mean really, I have made myself annoying to others going on about listening and hearing etc.

So, I dug deeper into the actual way the ear works, to find my answer. Since this is already the longest post I’ve ever made, you can find a half hour video with those details, on Facebook

Simply put, the ear symbolized, not hearing or listening so much as, receiving vibration. And in this case inflammation was blocking my ability to receive vibrations and inhibit the translation of sound. Since this came on the day after the revelation of my resistance to receiving masculine assistance, it is a side effect of growth (inflammation is expansion, is it not?) Sometimes inflammation is a sign of infection, sometimes expansion…in the metaphysical realm that is. This would explain perfectly, why the more healthy I became emotionally and spiritually, the more I sick I became physically. (Because I was becoming more and more physically sensitive, as I became spiritually and emotionally sensitive.)

It takes a lot of self-knowledge and living by resonance, not reason, to figure these things out.

So there ya go. There’s my shifty week.

It’s not about a diet, or how much you weigh, or how much is in your bank account, or how many likes you get on Facebook. It’s about living by resonance and not by reason. You can be logical, that’s a great quality to have, but never ever let logic rule you. You are equipped with a system that tells you when you are doing right by you and when you are not. This is your resonance. Never ever let anyone convince you that you need to justify those feelings with reason. Sometimes there are no words to explain it if you wanted to.

Know that the most important changes you ever make, may be ones that no one ever notices. And that’s ok. You’ll know and that is all that matters.

I love you.

~Jade

 

 

Grief

If there is something I feel overly qualified to speak on it is grief.  I have had more than my fair share of loss due to death, both traumatic and natural.  I lost my father suddenly of a brain aneurysm, my sister committed suicide, my mother died of chemotherapy poisoning and I had to turn off life support, my aunt died at the hands of a drunk driver (which left my mother with a brain injury), my uncle died in our home of an aortic aneurysm, my grandmother transitioned peacefully at the age of 89.  These are not all my losses due to death, just the most significant ones.

Grief is not limited to death of course, and I’ve had many of those experiences as well.  I’ve been fired. I’m divorced.  I’ve had significant friendships end abruptly and badly.  I have estranged family members.

I experienced all but my mother’s death by the time I was 25.  I then lost my mother when I was 40. My early exposure to death led me to become a hospice social worker.  I felt that Life had given me this experience so that I could help others in their journeys of dying, death and grief. I did that for 10 years, which is extremely unheard of because of the high burnout rate.  I walked with more people than I can count in those 10 years. I continued to walk with their grieving loved ones for a year after the death.

candlelight candles
Photo by Irina Anastasiu on Pexels.com

So I know grief intimately.

I don’t tell you this to toot my horn, elicit sympathy or diminish anyone else’s experience.  I tell you this because I don’t take this subject lightly.  There are few who have as much experience as I in this arena and if it’s put in front of me (the topic came up in another blog) then I feel it is the Universe’s way of telling me to speak to it.  At least that’s how I look at it.

It is a common misnomer that time heals all wounds.  Time has nothing to do with it. Attention is the one and only thing that affects grief and sets about the healing process.  That attention will vary not only mourner by mourner, but also loss by loss. You may be surprised by your varying expressions of grief for different losses. You cannot have the expectation that you will grieve each loss similarly. Grief is kept in a box in our hearts and every time we experience a loss we open that box and all the losses we keep in the box come flooding out. The grief gets all mixed up together.  It is very difficult if not impossible to grieve one loss and not all the others that came before it.  This happens in the very best of circumstances, in the healthiest coping.  We never “get over” a loss; we learn to live with it.  Complicated grief is what it’s called when we don’t learn to live with it.

A loss changes you forever, but you decide how it changes you.

That is what grief is about, the more significant the loss the more significant the change. It doesn’t matter what you lost.  Society seems to think that there are certain relationships that are more significant and more worthy of grief and sympathy than other losses.  The reality is that what that relationship meant to you makes the difference in grief.  While you may have one parent with whom you have an ideal relationship and one from whom you are estranged, you may find you grieve both equally hard in different ways.  While you will grieve the loss of the now and future presence of your ideal parent, it is the loss of the potential of a better future you will grieve regarding your estranged parent.  We all have expectations of the future in all relationships and they factor into grief more than anyone considers.  When we lose an estranged parent we lose the hope that one day that relationship will improve.  This is something that often takes people off guard.  In addition you may experience more profound grief over a family friend who was more like a mother to you than your own mother. Don’t let relationship labels dictate “how much grief” you should be experiencing.

Paying attention to your grief will ensure you get through it to the point that you live with the loss but without the active grief.  Ignore the grief and no matter how much time goes by you will not heal it one bit.  Using alcohol, activity or anything else to “keep busy”, “keep your mind off it”, or any other platitude will only stifle your grief at exactly the point you began to ignore it.  I’m NOT saying that it isn’t good to resume activity or engage in things that get you out of the house, re-engage you with your life, or give your mind a reprieve.  I am also NOT saying that you should sit home and wallow in the loss.  I AM saying that these phrases are misleading and as misinterpreted as “time heals all wounds”.

Paying attention to your grief means take care of yourself like you would after a major surgery.  Sleep when you are tired.  Eat healthy meals, even if they are just small ones. Make no major decisions.  Take on no new responsibilities.  Let others help you in whatever way they can.  Your grief will touch their grief and not everyone will be able to walk with you the way you want them too.  Feel free to say no if you are not ready or up for something.  Don’t let others pressure you into something you are not ready for…like getting rid of personal items, selling a home, going back to work and “getting over it”.

General guidelines to determine complicated grief:  3 months after the loss you should feel as though you have moved slightly in a better direction.  6 months you should recognize that you are in a significantly better place than you were the day of the loss.  After the first anniversary you should recognize that your grief is no longer intense.

If you don’t recognize these improvements by these benchmarks then you are in complicated grief and may need someone else’s assistance in moving through.

I’ve reprinted this article from another blog I had in 2015. It seemed a good time to share it here. 

As always…I love you.

~Jade