Raise your hand if you have ever been told that what you don’t like in someone else is a reflection of something in you that you don’t like.
Keep your hand up if you then interpreted or were told that this meant that the behavior you see in the other is what you don’t like in yourself?
Keep your hand up again if you struggled with understanding this. Two hands up if you even had this used against you by a narcissist trying to cover her tracks.
Well, while it isn’t inaccurate, it also isn’t the truth.
So, let’s clear this up a little. Someone who is incongruent will most definitely see in others the same things they do not like in themselves. For instance, if someone has external reference orientation and they present as one who seeks to be the center of attention they will most assuredly not like others who are attention seekers and ‘hogging’ up the spotlight.
If someone is congruent, however and has done their inner work then they are not externally referenced and would not be seeking attention, but might be irritated by one who seeks the center spotlight. So, what then? Is there something hiding? No.
There are two parts to looking into a mirror. There is the image in the surface of it and then there is the response to it. So, we look into the mirror and we respond to the image we see. We have a reaction to it. That reaction can be anything from ‘I look super cute, today’ to ‘I am fat and ugly’ or ‘I need a haircut’ to ‘I need plastic surgery’. The image is the same, it is only our response to that reflection that differs.
So, in the case of people as mirrors and reflecting back to us it works the same way. There is the image (what in them that has our attention) and there is our response/interpretation of that image (what is triggered in us). When we are triggered by something, we first check ourselves to see if we have the offensive behavior as in case of the one who seeks the spotlight.
For instance, we encounter someone with a negative attitude, highly critical and tends to be passive-aggressive. We react negatively. Is it that we are projecting and do not see how we too are negative, highly critical and passive-aggressive? If it is not the image in the mirror that is the issue, then it must be something within us that is being triggered and the mirror is meant to show us our response is out of alignment with our Light.
Why have we responded negatively? What is being reflected back to us in this mirror? How do we feel about the way we are being treated? When was the last time we felt like this?
Where in our history did we encounter negative, highly critical and passive-aggressive people? If we happened to have history with others like them then likely we feel diminished by this other person’s behavior…and that is what is being reflected back to us in the situation. What we are meant to see and heal is our response to this kind of stimulus.
It is our misalignment, our disconnect with our inner Light, in response to the situation that needs the healing. It is the recreation of our past that we are playing out and that is in need of healing. This is how people serve as mirrors for our evolution.
If there was nothing for us to learn, then we would have a neutral response to someone, not a negative one. In healing we decommission those triggers. We no longer leave our emotions in other’s hands. We reclaim the power that has before eluded us when their behavior triggers us.
The process of decommissioning our triggers is unique and independent. There is no magic formula. No formatted spell to say. No special ritual to perform that reprograms it. We must just dig into it, feel it, understand it and develop a strategy. If you examine the situation for the common denominators to the original situation then you can desensitize yourself, by understanding you are no longer in that original situation. You are no longer that same person. Then you move on to develop your strategy.
This is where you might need help to develop phrases, tools and tactics to handle the next situation that comes along. What can I do when this comes up again? And you practice different set ups in your mind. You become comfortable with the scenarios and gain confidence.
You must remember that a trigger is not a wound. It is a signal that your wound has not healed properly, but that’s not the same thing. You are not re-experiencing your trauma you are reviewing it. From our deepest wounds come our greatest growth. We cannot leave them untouched. We cannot find ourselves victim of them over and over. We need to jump on those occasions when we are triggered, realizing we are ready to release our attachment to that issue.
We are empowered, but on occasion we forget that. We can even be conditioned to believe that we have lost our power. It is false though. We are power, therefore never un-empowered and merely need to flip the switch again to return the power. Triggers mark places where in history we had been convinced we were powerless. To become whole again we must reclaim those parts of ourselves.
It is not enough to just release the trauma stored in our energetic body and mind, we must also recall the energy we left attached to the situation or event. Those triggers are embedded and when they were installed they displaced pieces of our Life Force Energy, so it is necessary to recall it back to make us whole. Indigenous people call this soul retrieval as they believe we lose pieces of our soul in traumatic experiences.
Our interactions with one another are key in our exploration, understanding ourselves and healing ourselves. The power lies in our hands, but the tools often lie in others.
Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest one of all?
You. It’s always you.
I love you.