Up until age 18 I was my mother’s baby.
At the age of 18 I became my baby. I was still my mother’s baby.
At the age of 28 my daughter became my baby. I was my baby. I was still my mother’s baby.
At the age of 32 my career became my baby. My daughter was my baby. I was my baby. I was still my mother’s baby.
After the age of 40 my career was my baby. My daughter was my baby. My mother became my baby. Then my mother was no longer my baby. I was no longer my mother’s baby, either. I stopped being my baby.Survival became my baby.
After the age of 46, survival was still my baby. My daughter turned 18, but was still my baby.
After the age of 50 I became my beloved’s baby. My beloved became my baby. My dogs were my babies. My daughter was still my baby. My spiritual journey became my baby. I was my baby, once again. Survival was no longer my baby.
After the age of 54 my Life Purpose became my baby. My dogs were my babies. My beloved is still my baby. My daughter is still my baby. I am still my baby.
I wrote all this because for a moment recently -while basking in the exuberance of my new found purpose- I felt sad that it ‘took me this long’ to get here.
Why? Where did that thought come from? To whom do I need to be accountable for my imagined tardiness?
I don’t. I am not late. I am right on time. This bullshit that we need to ‘figure things out’ by any certain age is an imposed punishment for crimes that don’t exist. It starts when you turn 18, graduate high school and other adults pressure you to figure out what you intend to do with the REST of your life so you can go to college to ‘guarantee’ your success at that very thing.
That is no more reasonable then asking a toddler what they want to have for dinner on the second Tuesday of next month.
We figure out what we figure out when we figure it out and not a minute sooner. I pretty much learned this in my experiences with cooking and baking. Everything in Divine Timing. Sometimes a meatloaf takes 25 minutes, sometimes it takes 35 minutes. Depends on the temperature you set the oven, the calibration of that oven, how many times you open the door to check on it, how big the loaf is, whether there is one loaf or two loafs in the oven and if the power goes out in the middle of cooking it.
Bread isn’t bread until it is done baking. A minute before and it is still dough.
You can’t figure out what you are meant to figure out, until you are ready to figure it out.
This time of my life makes sense of ALL the moments before it. All of it, personal challenges and triumphs as well as professional challenges and triumphs. Every. Single. One. Has led to this moment, right here. Everything is crystal clear and I know I am right where I need to be, because I was right where I needed to be yesterday, last week, last year and last decade too.
I wasn’t meant to be here a decade ago. Right here wouldn’t have made sense a decade ago. Thinking any differently is a waste of energy and emotion…and precious time.
We have to stop trying to rush ourselves.
Stop trying to be anywhere than right where we are. Accepting that where we are is exactly where we need to be at the exact time we need to be is necessary to moving forward…which is almost paradoxical. The more we try to be in the next moment the more we repeat the current one. The more we accept the present moment, the more we are prepared for the next.
We don’t have to figure anything out. We just have to develop Trust. That’s it.
Trust, that this is happening for our benefit. We may not be able to see that from this moment. It may not feel that way in this moment. But nothing is random. Nothing is without benefit – even the pain.
Trust, that you are strong enough to bend with the wind. The willow tree is one of the most resilient trees we have. Why? Because its roots are deep as they journey towards water for nourishment, and their branches sway and bend and move with the winds. Their strength is not in rigid resistance, it is in flexible dance. Next time you have a great windstorm, notice which trees have been uprooted…there won’t be a single willow tree.
Too often I have ‘broken’ because I refused to bend. Shut down because I powered through when I needed to power off.
But I digress.
The purpose of this piece is purpose. And that purpose bring peace.
As the first part of this post presented itself to me, I realized that we as women need to have babies. Not just the grow in your womb or adopt kind. Not just the rent your friend’s kid kind. But the “I am responsible for this Creation” kind of baby. That’s called Purpose.
And we aren’t peace-filled unless we have one. It doesn’t matter how we birth a baby…via our physical womb, our emotional womb, our intellectual womb or our spiritual womb. We simply need to be engaged in purposeful creation of some kind.
Just as we cannot physically procreate until our bodies have developed and matured, so too other sorts of creation follow similar rules. We cannot create emotionally, intellectually or spiritually unless we are fully ready, either. It cannot be rushed. We can’t wish it into being before it’s time.
So, this is for anyone anywhere who find themselves starting the negative self-talk about wishing they had figured out something before they figured it out.
You are not late. You are right on time. It’s not just a cliché, the best truly is yet to come. Every day. Every day.
As always, I love you….
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