Healing Rites of Passage

A worried daughter asks, “What do we do when my mom hallucinates? She keeps seeing her dead father.”

These are not hallucinations.

There is a reason it is called ‘crossing over’ when people die. In every way it is a crossing over to ‘the other side’. In the process of crossing over they have one foot in both worlds, thus they have eyes that see into the other dimension.

So, your loved one isn’t hallucinating seeing her dead father, he has come to visit her.

When transitioned loved ones come to visit, it’s part of what I call ‘pre-admission visits’, to prepare the one who is readying to die. Just like live visitors come to see her and offer support so too, do transitioned visitors. It’s no different. We have transitioned loved ones around us all the time, most of us just can’t see them.

This also happens in reverse, where she will visit on the other side. You might notice times when she seems so close to death, non-responsive, breathing shallow, but then will wake up out of it. You might be at her bedside thinking she is about to take her last breath and then she is clear as a bell. During the times of intermittent non-responsiveness I envision the dying take little tours around the next dimension…getting the lay of the land, if you will.

Although there is a literal moment of death, one minute when someone is alive in this world then not alive in it the next, not all death happens like a light switch. Sudden death, of course, is just like that. Traumatic events, like car accidents, or sudden events like strokes or heart attacks, can take the living to dead in the blink of an eye.

But dying is actually a transition that takes place over weeks, and sometimes months, not just days. Think of dying, like taking off your shoe. There is a process your foot takes to get out of the shoe. Your whole foot is not in the shoe one moment and then totally out of it the next. No. First your heel is released, then the arch of your foot and then lastly the ball of your foot and then your toes. At one point your foot is half in and half out of your shoe. The Soul leaving the body operates in much the same manner.

It is believed even in sudden death that our transitioned loved ones are there to escort us to whatever happens next. Some will dismiss this as a result of brain chemistry and the release of biological chemicals. Ok, but by that logic then aren’t all of our life experiences dictated by the release of chemicals like dopamine, endorphins and hormones? Does that make those experiences any less?

Now to answer the actual question of what to do…

Support her experience. Ask what they are saying to her, what they are doing, or what she thinks they want. If she says they want her to go with them, then tell her it’s ok for her to go. If she says she isn’t ready, then ask her why? What does she need to get ready?

You will find valuable information in these conversations. You might discover an underlying worry that you can help appease. You might find out she is waiting for a long distance relative to get there. You might find she has other unfinished business you can help her complete.

The time you have with someone at the end of their life’s journey is a gift. Please don’t waste it by being afraid to have conversations. There is no greater time to have heart to heart conversations, because their last words will stay with you forever.

Peace Be With You,

Jade