Don’t Be “The Bigger Person”

black-and-white-people-bar-men.jpgYou’ve had a conflict with another person. Things may have gotten out of control and both sides are hurt. You may think the other person is at fault or at least at greater fault. At one point someone suggests you apologize and you reject that notion. That person then says to you, “be the bigger person” and you reluctantly decide to make the first move towards resolution.

Chances are that resolution wasn’t as successful as you would’ve liked. In fact, it may have even made things worse and you might be wondering why.

When you label yourself ‘bigger’, you are -by default- labeling them ‘smaller’ and it immediately sets up an energetic power struggle. “Bigger” is a relative term, which means it has no meaning without reference to something “smaller”. Energetically this is communicated through any interaction then.

You continue the conflict (power struggle) by putting the other person down energetically and with your language. You can’t help it. If being the bigger person is your motivation then all action from that place will be tainted. Can you feel the difference between these two ‘apologies’?

I’m sorry if your feelings were hurt. I’m sorry you felt that way and that you took what I said wrong.

 

I’m sorry. I never intended for your feelings to get hurt and I apologize that what I said caused you pain.

Can you feel the difference in the energy?!

The first one is passive-aggressive and is pretty typical of someone who is coming from a bigger/smaller place.

While we are not responsible for how someone else feels, we are accountable for our actions and our actions impact others whether we intend for them to or not. I think it is important to understand the intent of our actions, realize there can be miscommunication even with the best of intentions and there need not be ‘fault’ assigned, when accepting accountability. Just clear transparent communication.

If you can’t come to a conflict resolution open hearted with no power struggle strings, then you are not ready for conflict resolution. Wait until you can come to the table with an open heart.

Unless/until you can come with an open heart, the resolution won’t have a solid foundation for a conflict free future and the only point to conflict resolution, is to build a conflict free future. This can’t be done if egos are running amok and the ego is surely running amok if the only way you can think about doing the ‘right’ thing is to consider yourself the bigger person.

Conflict resolution isn’t about getting one over on another. It isn’t about proving anything to anyone. Its about clearing energy from your heart center and improving the vibration between two (or maybe more) parties. Its only about ‘winning’ if both parties are winning. It isn’t about being a better person than the other, merely a better version of your self.

Here’s the thing…

Conflict resolution isn’t necessary unless you create conflict. There is actually a way to live your life in such a way to minimize or even eliminate conflict in a healthy way.

I can hear your disbelief. “Conflict is a part of life” you think, but it isn’t. Conflict, by definition is a “serious and protracted disagreement or argument”. Not seeing eye to on a topic isn’t an automatic conflict. It’s when people believe there is one ‘right’ perspective and endeavor to impose that on others, demanding agreement, that conflict ensues. Simple seeing things differently is not conflict, its perspective.

Now, here are four steps to live your life to minimize if not eliminate conflict healthfully.

  1. Let go of winning.
  2. Disagreements are not automatic conflicts.
  3. Conflict resolution does not equal confrontation.
  4. Shift from the negative to the positive.
Let go of winning

When you are aligned you realize there is no ‘right or wrong’. There is what resonates with you and what does not. You cannot speak for another on the subject of resonating. What resonates with you may resonate with another, but you can never know if it resonates in the same way because neither of you can know the experience of the other! All you can do is trust your inner self, when you are most connected to Spirit to determine what resonates with you. The goal is not to win but to expand!

Disagreements are not automatic conflicts

Speaking to one another with respect and understanding, focusing as much on understanding another as we do on being understood by another is primary to eliminating conflict from your life. Transparency means being authentic without the fear of reprisal or harm. Approaching a problem from two different perspectives is a wonderful way to find the best solution. When you eliminate the need to win from a disagreement, you are automatically opened up to explore the limitless possibilities of outcomes and conflict isn’t even a ‘thing’.

Conflict Resolution does not equal Confrontation

If you do end up in conflict and find yourself approaching conflict resolution, it is important to understand that conflict resolution does not equal confrontation. Confrontation is hostile, conflict resolution is not. It can be uncomfortable (remember what we said about uncomfortable in the intimidation article) but it not hostile. True Conflict resolution, by its very name, will focus on the resolution not the conflict. Whereas confrontation has the aggressiveness built in, defenses are up and an implied right/wrong dynamic exists.

 

Shift from negative to positive

I’ve saved the first for last. Yes, you read that right. The very first thing you need to do to eliminate conflict from your life is to shift from the negative to the positive. Why did I save it for last? Because if you remember nothing else from this post, I want you to remember this…it is the single most important and powerful thing you can do for the betterment of your life. I have many people confess to me that they wish to be more positive but find themselves stuck in the negative. That is understandable. You were taught to be negative, you weren’t born that way. So, you have to unlearn it in a matter of speaking and relearn to be positive. There is one simple two step trick to making the switch.

The first step is to be aware of your negativity. Pay attention to your thoughts and your words. When you find yourself focusing on the negative, even if it is simply how something didn’t live up to your expectations, notice it. Be aware that you are focusing on the ‘lack’ of something rather than the ‘gift’ of something.

Once you have gotten used to noticing your negativity, the second step is to double up on the positive. What does this mean? For every negative thing you think or say, you counter with two positives. Say you are out to dinner with friends and the waiter forgets the tea you ordered. You find yourself feeling irritated and make a snide remark to your dinner companions. You hear it. Now you find two positive things to say about the waiter. Yes, say them out loud, after all you complained out loud, didn’t you? Maybe the waiter brought you extra rolls or had a pleasant demeanor.

Making this change is conscious, which means it will take effort to 1) notice the negative and 2) double up the positive. However, the shift you will be making will cascade out to all parts of your life. You will be more conscious of how your mind works and whether or not your attention is on the negative of life or the positive (aka the lack or the gifts). Remember that life will bring you whatever you purchase with your attention. (It’s a little like Amazon.com that way!)

All right, this has been sitting in my drafts folder for too long now, so I’m going to hit publish and know that it is on it’s way to those who need to hear this message the most.

As always, remember…

I love you!

~Jade

Jade’s work is different and we think you will find it effective and economic. It combines Jade’s knowledge and skills cultivated over three decades of psychiatry, human services, hospice, geriatrics, crystal healing, QiGong, Reiki, and Therapeutic Touch with her natural Spirit given gifts of intuition and being an empath.

Check out our Healing Rite of Passage Me-Treat & Workshops for 2018 

Join us for more conversation in our Facebook group Willow Song Firekeepers

As of now Jade is limiting the one on one work she does. For availability please email an inquiry.

To schedule services please review options here and email Jade here to make arrangements.

 

 

 

 

Healing Rite of Passage Me-Treat Workshop

A facilitated transformational event designed for those feeling disconnected, discontented, depressed, anxious, melancholy, directionless or in some way dissatisfied and seeking a deeper experience of life.

Whether you choose the one day or the two day event, you will experience the Ritual of Joy and the Five Responsibilities of conscious living.

The Healing Rite of Passage Retreat/Workshop promises to be one of the most important things you will ever do for your body, mind AND spirit. Depending on whether you choose the one day or two day event…

  • You will learn how to access your energetic body and clear out blockages and heal wounds. 
  • You will learn to recall your energy from past events and relationships.
  • You will learn new communication techniques that allow you to speak from your spirit and not your ego. 
  • You will develop new relationships with like-minded journeyers. 
  • You will have the experience of living from your spirit. 
  • You will experience shamanic healing.
  • You will experience facilitating healing for others.
  • You will experience a lightness of body, mind and spirit as you release what no longer serves you. 
  • …and so so SO much more.

After the closing ceremony your life will never be the same (unless you choose it to be so).

Next One Day Events:

June 9, 2018

July 14, 2018

Aug 11, 2018

Sept 8, 2018

 

https://www.facebook.com/events/309106519557719/

Touchy-Feely Never Killed Anyone

The news of the mass shooting in Las Vegas at the Country Fest struck me deep in my empathic center this morning. It has brought to mind a lot of thoughts and I need to get them out.

As I was growing up I often heard, “you’re too sensitive” and “you’re too emotional”. They meant it like there was something wrong with me, and I should change to be more like them. I had feelings and I talked about those feelings. It was no wonder that my dream then was to become a therapist. I wanted to help others talk about their feelings in a safe environment.

While I stopped talking about my feelings to those people, I did not stop expressing my feelings. I expressed them in poems, in short stories and to others who would listen. But along the way, I can’t tell you how many people I came across who said, ”I don’t believe in that touchy-feely shit.” Or claim “I’m not one for touchy-feely stuff.” Or just plain “I’m not a touchy-feely kind of person.” Or “Should we all just hold hands and sing kumbaya?!”

People think touchy-feely-kumbaya people are weak. But they aren’t the ones who break, are they?

Mass shooters, serial killers and mass murderers aren’t the touchy-feely ones. You never hear of a ‘flower child’ suddenly snapping and using a gun against another. Those who commit violent crimes, especially of mass proportions, are the ones who have gone out of their way to avoid touchy-feely. They are the ones who stopped when someone said they were too sensitive or emotional. They were the ones who had no outlet for the organic touchy-feely parts of us.

And you wonder why they pop?

This is a pressure cooker situation we’ve created, of course there will be mounting explosions…

…unless people start getting touchy-feely.

Lately I had been feeling as if the ‘Life Coach’ genre was becoming a bit over saturated and I pondered whether it is just another fad (yes, in part). I will be the first to tell you that half the life coaches I run across, have no business being “Life Coaches”. I use the umbrella term “Life Coaches”, but it includes many other titles, including Spiritual Advisors. Many of these people are carefully camouflaging themselves with touchy-feely leaves whilst not actually dealing with their own stuff in a healthy manner.

There is another breed out there though. Those people who truly are looking to facilitate transformation for others but doing their own touchy-feely stuff as well. People like Kyle Cease who gets on stage and says “hey can you help me process this?” And goes on to stand naked on the square as he works through an issue with an audience member. Him facing his own shit, was the ONLY way that guy from the audience was able to hear the message that was meant for him. Kyle didn’t PRETEND to work through his shit, he authentically did it.

This new breed does deep down dirty touchy-feely work. Its not life coaching and its not therapy. Mystic Midwifery is what I call it, because it is the birth of your authentic self. The one that got put back into the box little by little with phrases like “you can’t do that, you’ll never succeed” or “you need security” or “you’re not good enough” etc…ad nauseam.

There is a plethora of transformational facilitators who are truly motivated and authentic in their practices to assist others in their journey though the rough parts. They do this by demonstrating on a daily basis how they apply certain practices and philosophies in their own life. They don’t take a template and place it over your life, but instead assist you in making your own template. Its about giving you the tools once to use over and over again. Their goal is not about growing a ‘list.’ It’s about being authentic and real, then spreading that.

The numbers of these “Authenticity Coaches” is growing. I don’t think this is a fad, I think it is needed. I think the world is ready for a change and here are the change-makers! Here are the people ready to hold space for others to relieve the pressure in that pressure cooker. Here are the people ready to say “you are sensitive, here’s how we manage that”, “here are the tools to express your emotions”, people ready to throw touchy-feely life preservers.

We don’t need gun control, we need emotion control. We need cohesion. We need community. We NEED transformation.

As I sat at a bonfire this weekend, it occurred to me that sitting around a campfire was a part of everyday life for our ancestors. It was around the fire that feelings were shared, stories of experiences were shared and bonds were built. It was built in touchy-feely time. Silence was not uncomfortable as everyone gazed into the hypnotic flames of the fire. This was meditation for our many of our Western ancestors.

Then came the radio which provided a more entertaining form of gathering. People gathered around the radio listening to the news and shows, but then talked about it. It wasn’t a diversionary tactic, it was a tool. It was used purposely and then put away.

With the inventions of whole house furnaces, making fireplaces a luxury and TV providing distraction (and becoming addictive), the organic ways our families and communities bonded, decompressed and meditated disappeared. As a result our society is disintegrating. Literally dis-integrating. Even weekend bonfire are an excuse to party, not to be bond and connect. With of course the exception of certain religious sects where it fire has retained it’s sacred purpose. And again, it is not those people who end up in the headlines as murderers.

Its time to get back to touchy-feely.

Its time to embrace the transformation movement, because if EVER we needed a transformation it is NOW. I don’t want to see how far things can get. I don’t want to the worst humans can do to one another. I’ve seen enough.

I’ll close with this, only because I didn’t know where else to put it. I’ve heard so many people make statements around how they were raised ‘tough’ or how they avoid expressing emotion and then they end that statement with “…and I turned out just fine.”

It never ever fails. My only thought in response to that is, “did ya, though?”

I love you.

~Jade

If you are looking for a L(i)fe Force Energy Healing Session please email me at jadewillowsong@gmail.com. I work with all budgets so please do not let temporary financial resource blockages stop you from taking this step.

Beautiful – It’s Not What You Think

IMG_20170904_104700I love to do a good face mask. My favorite is Aztec Secret Indian Healing Clay mask made from Calcium Bentonite Clay. I love it because I feel like it actually digs deep down and pulls stuff out of my pores and afterwards my skin glows. I find it an analogy for so many things. Digging the crap out of your internal psychoemotional pores and sloughing off the dead surface layer to allow the deeper radiance to shine through.

Its also an analogy for something else. As I endeavor to do more videos, I am more aware of my appearance and notice myself weighing this feature against another when setting things up. I often opt out of doing a video because I don’t feel like showering and putting on make up. As I looked into the mirror while putting on the mask and cherishing this moment of indulgence, it hit me.

Not all moments of beauty are beautiful.

To prove it, I took this picture. (This face never fails to make my hubby laugh.) Aside from that though it caused me to think about other non-beautiful moments of beauty. Pictures like that fireman carrying the child on 9/11, or childbirth, or a mother’s face just after giving birth as she holds her newborn all sweaty and fatigued.

But there are many many MANY more non-beautiful moments of beauty that we can’t take pictures of and might not even recognize as such. Moments of ferreting out those thoughts, beliefs and emotional patterns that don’t serve our spiritual destiny. Ugly stuff. It feels uncomfortable, awkward and sometimes seemingly painful, but in the end the beauty it creates in our lives is limitless. Without these non-beautiful moments of beauty we could not explore our true beauty.

Right now, I guarantee there are non-beautiful moments going on right now in your life that you can’t embrace for their hidden beauty. I know I have a shit-ton of them right now and I was completely overlooking them.

As a Intuitive Spiritual Transformation Facilitator I fall into the trap often of thinking I need to present a ‘perfect package’, like so many others do, to prove I’ve ‘made it’ and therefore worthy of getting paid to walk with others on their journey. Pfft, as if there were a landing space called ‘success’ in life! There are no landing places. This is a journey and there are hills, valleys, mountains, curves and steep grades, but no landing places. We stop to catch our breath then we keep moving. The only landing place is the present moment we are in. In each present moment there are gifts…some are beauties and some are uglies.

Instead of hiding mine, I’m going to share and I hope you will too. Getting the uglies out into the daylight can help us see their hidden beauty. Here we go…

These are the Uglies I can get caught up in: My husband had a brainstem stroke in January of this year. He is the bread winner of the family currently as I struggle to get my business going. My daughter has been in a dark place since her father died a year ago. I’m in court fighting his deathbed widow over my own retirement funds. As a result of a kylego I created, envisioned and organized an amazing two day transformational retreat/workshop. Despite my excitement and  forward feeling of achievement not one person has registered. My husband is in construction and we got stiffed just under $7,000 on a tiling job this month. Subsequently, our mortgage automatic payment bounced. I broke a tooth about a month ago and made arrangements to pay half at the first visit and half at the second visit to get it fixed. Because of being stiffed we didn’t have the resources to go back for the second visit.

Now here are the beauties that have shown up as a result: My husband’s recovery has been amazing. With a combination of mindset work and energy healing work he was the shortest stay in the rehab unit they have ever had. He went back to work the Monday after he was released, with caution. He was back to driving within months. The lasting effects are minimal and isolated mostly to short term memory loss and expressive communication. My daughter has moved back home to heal from her loss and has turned a corner in the darkness that grief can be. I just won an important appeal in my court case. Although right now no one else will experience my amazing retreat I have done some really phenomenal work creating interactive, reflective and transformative individual, paired and group exercises all ready and waiting to go for future retreats/workshops and client work. The best part is that I got to do that creating. The only thing I love more than creating transformative experiences is facilitating them for people. Despite getting stiffed on $7,000 worth of work, we kept the lights on. We didn’t miss the mortgage payment, because although the one contractor failed to pay, my hubby had secured another job. It was enough to cover that mortgage payment (the deposit was made hours after the automatic payment was kicked) as well as some other necessities.  My temporary crown is holding nicely and we shall soon have enough money for me to go back for the permanent one because work is lined up.

I can even go back further to three years ago when I quit my 28 year career to move across two states where we bought a house with no money and no credit; and when I had fibromyalgia and was living with an average daily pain of 7-8, to now when my average daily experience is a pain level 1 with no meds.

I could go back even further because at 53 I’ve come a long long way baby…but I won’t. 🙂

The point is we have a tendency at times to define our journeys by the distance we have yet to go, and by lamenting things that don’t show up the way we think they need to and thus overlooking the multitude of ways we manifest abundance and miracles. When you are stuck in “what am I doing wrong that I can’t manifest what I want” remember your ‘success’ is about the distance travelled not the distance yet to go…

*Please share your ‘uglies’ either in words or pictures below! Let’s all be real and share our non-beautiful moments of beauty with each other!

Is This You Or Someone You Know?

Does anyone ever feel like they’re just not meant for this life? I know how blessed I am. I live in a developed country, I have a family, friends, a house, animals who I adore and a job. Everything people who are less fortunate would die for. But I’m still not happy. I feel so forced. I just want to be running wild and free, a natural woman, with animals and living off the land. I don’t want the troubles of money, the social media, the modern life. Is that really even natural for humans? Is anyone really comfortable living like this or is it just something we have to accept because everyone else does. My head hurts because it just can’t cope with what society wants from me  ☹️” ~Woman A
“Im with you! Feels so pointless and empty at times. On my good days [I’m trying to] work towards a more fulfilling life but am not really sure how to get there or if its worth it etc etc. Its is society not us thats wrong, take each day as it comes is all you can do. Stay strong we will get there…x Woman B in response to woman A
“Can I ask for guidance again? My mother wasn’t the warmest individual growing up. She’s someone multiple therapists have told me to cut out of my life, even if it’s just until I’m stronger. I’ve gone through much of my adult life in an off and on relationship with her because of her controlling nature. When I was a child I was often compared to other children and asked why I can’t be like someone else’s kid or why their kid, who’s “slow” (her words, not mine) would be doing better than me. I was locked in closets, kicked out of the house at night, told she wished I wasn’t hers, which didn’t end until 7th grade…”~Woman C

Is this you or someone you know? This is just a sampling of what I’ve been hearing lately. We as woman have suffered under patriarchy. That is not a feminist or anti-masculine thing. We can only survive in a balanced society and this is NOT that!

This feeling, THIS longing, THIS UNSETTLING is why the Healing Rite of Passage was created. Men and woman are invited to join in the Feminine Rising that this will be. Its not male bashing and it isn’t ‘woman stuff’ it is just a connecting to the feminine yin energies that have been ignored for centuries now. We need to connect to Mother Earth AND Father Sky. To Grandmother Moon AND Grandfather Sun. We can ONLY be our highest selves, live the highest version of our lives and have the grandest experiences when we are balanced in masculine and feminine energies.

We HAVE to heal the wounds of the past that keep harming us. You don’t know how to ‘get there’ because no one taught you to look inside yourself. And you can’t do it with the eyes that society has taught you to look through. It has set you up to fail.

There is SO much you can do to get so much more out of life! I can help you unlearn everything you’ve learned that is actually getting in your way. You have to go deeper than just meditating and gratitude journalling. You have to unravel all the manipulative programming EGOS set in play. You have learn the truth about how the Universe works by understanding and working WITH (not against) the three Universal Laws and their seven principles.

Universal Laws

Take a step today and reserve your spot or contact Jade Willow Song for more information, right now!

When: September 16 & 17, 2017
Where: Waterford, Michigan
Early Bird Registration: $500*
Registration after September 1, 2017: $675*

For Tickets: https://squareup.com/store/judy-klemos

Recommended affordable nearby accommodations: http://www.oldemillinnofclarkston.com/

*Introductory prices only- 2018 prices are $675 and $800

Healing Rite of Passage Me-treat & Workshop

As I allow the creation of the HRP to unfold, I am gaining more and more excitement at meeting the people this unique experience is drawing. I am excited to see what relationships will develop. Who are they? What do they wish to become? What threshold are they standing on hesitant to step over? What next adventure can be vastly changed and affected by their time spent in this cocoon I am making? And what butterfly will emerge as a result?

Everyday something new is revealing itself to me and I add more and more spices to the recipe of the workshop. Will you be one of them? I wonder that too.

Who is this workshop for?

Anyone who is newly single or in relationship, new moms, those looking for a career change, those exploring spirituality, those looking for a new perspective.

Anyone feeling…discontent in their personal or professional life; that they have everything they could want but still aren’t ‘happy’; that there ‘should be more’; that they want to be more positive.

Five things you are guaranteed in this workshop:

~the ability to distinguish between your intuition and fear

~opportunities to develop deep relationships

~communication techniques to improve your relationships

~to learn how to live by your heart and still use logic

~to understand the difference between respond and react

 

I promise you will not be the same…neither will I.

 

When: September 16 & 17, 2017

Where: Waterford, Michigan

Early Bird Registration: $500

Registration after September 1, 2017: $675

For Tickets: https://squareup.com/store/judy-klemos

Recommended affordable nearby accommodations: http://www.oldemillinnofclarkston.com/