I don’t even have enough words to tell you how much I love my life.
Three years ago, I felt debilitated. Not many know that, as I never wanted pain to get in my way of living, but everyday was a struggle. What I felt almost on a daily basis like getting the flu body aches two days after having done a super hard work out at the gym. The body aches often felt like my muscles were being ripped from my bones with each step I took. By the end of a day of work, trumping up my apartment stairs and walking the dogs took the last ounces of energy I had. So cooking was done on a large scale, twice a week, maybe three times. I cooked in large quantities and we ate leftovers all week.
I hurt everywhere all the time. The best way I can describe it is to say that on the average my pain was at a seven or eight on a daily basis, with really bad days at ten and would have me calling off work. On top of the fibromyalgia I had migraines.
Just three years ago.
To some that might seem a long time. To others that might sound like a day. What you don’t know know is that this is something I was battling for almost fifteen years before that. It started with gaining weight and not being able to sleep.
Over the course of those fifteen years I dedicated my life to healthy living. I sorted fads from fact, embraced alternative perspectives and double checked every resource to guard against bias. I combined energetic, allopathic, naturopathic, and homeopathic.
Looking back, as dedicated as I was, I can see now that despite my best efforts, I was taking two steps forward and four steps back.
Doing things like leaving my 20 year marriage and changing jobs helped me gain some ground, but it wasn’t enough. While one thing would heal, more symptoms would move to the forefront, resulting in the final diagnosis of fibromyalgia.
I never ever stopped believing though; all the Universal Laws and Principles held me fast. Just because I wasn’t seeing the results I intended, didn’t shake my faith in my understanding how this Universe works.
My faith is bigger than my experience.
However, I never got comfortable one landing place. I was always using the opportunity to learn and evolve more. Again, I separated fad from fact and in some cases from the fanatical. I took volumes of notes, digested them and pared them all down to simple no-nonsense experiential interventions. Faith doesn’t have a landing place either. One does not simply remain with the childhood structure you were spoon fed; that would be irresponsible. You must explore all other alternatives so that you know that which you hold, is the most fitting treasure.
Faith has to be bigger than your experience or it isn’t faith, its logic.
Faith is doing something you know is good for you even if it doesn’t land you the results you most wish. It keeps me eating healthy even though the scale does not move. It keeps me walking even when it sometimes hurts more for a short time. It keeps me doing QiGong even though it hurts to stand that long.
Remember when I told you I love my life? Now we are getting to the heart of it.
While three years ago I felt debilitated, I no longer do. On a daily basis my pain level is on average a one. When I stand too long or go grocery shopping it can shoot up to an eight or even as high as ten. When I allow myself to get chilled, it skyrockets as well.
But that’s not all I love about my life.
Now, this is the part where so many of my colleagues would list things like million dollar homes, five figure monthly incomes, constant client flow or about half a dozen other ‘measures of success’ they think is enviable.
That’s not me though.
I like to give the whole picture, not just the shiny parts, because it isn’t the results that are important, but I’ll go into that in a moment…
Three years ago I walked out of a traditional color by numbers life, into a life I had never even imagined. I never did a vision board about it. I didn’t visualize it.
It came to me because I aligned myself which opened up the pathway for my life to find me.
Right now, I don’t have a million dollar house. I have a house we bought as a foreclosure and we haven’t finished rehabbing it yet. For the most part we do ok. When I look back on last year though, I realize we are doing far better than we were! Oh yeah, and my beloved had a stroke this past January (2017).
How can I love my life, you ask?
Because it isn’t about the results. Results can be shaded and highlighted to give you a false picture. Like those colleagues that tell you they ‘manifested a million dollar house’ but don’t tell you they are renting it. (Not that there is anything wrong with renting it, but that part is always left out.)
Results ebb and flow. Sometimes there will be shit tons of money flowing in and sometimes it will be flowing out. I’ll always be grateful for both.
My life is amazing. I have met and married the love of my life. A love that feels like home. Our relationship is far and away beyond anything I ever dreamt possible. Honestly, even with all my powers of visualization I could not have realized that this man was what I needed. We bought a house without the help of a financial institution. He has a steady influx of business and even when he had his stroke we have all we need and quite a lot of what we want.
Since I mentioned it, let’s talk about the stroke, for a minute. I know some are inclined to look at such a thing as a failure of LOA; that what I preach isn’t working, because if it did it would’ve protected us from such an event. But that isn’t how Life (or LOA for that matter) works. It really isn’t.
This beloved man that came into my life so late (yet right on time) had a small stroke in his brainstem on January 19, 2017. In case you don’t know, a ‘small’ stroke is not indicative of how much damage is done. It has to do with where the stroke occurred; in the small or large blood vessels. That said, the damage Chris has sustained was minimal and he’s recovered most of that. He got just enough of a scare that he started taking his health seriously. The things that remain impaired are serving as daily reminders of his need to put his health first.
There’s even more. My daughter who was struggling with so very much for these same three years has come through her dark night of the soul and promises to fulfill the Source potential within her. She has more clarity, passion and inspiration than ever before in her life. I literally have never been more proud of her.
You see the Universal Laws, Life, Awakening, Enlightenment etc.. aren’t about ‘manifesting only good stuff’; they are about establishing a structure that enables us to see the ‘bad’ stuff is just as valuable.
That’s the deal. To keep doing what you know is in alignment even when it doesn’t render you the results you intended.
Three years of healing has brought me here. To this amazing moment. A moment where I am fully aware at all times of all possibilities and am excited for the next and all its possibilities.
There is SOOOOOOOOO much that goes into Life it can’t even be summed up in one post, maybe not even one book. However, I will try to cover everything in my upcoming events, starting with the Healing Rite of Passage on September 16th and 17th, 2017. If you are interested please make sure to contact us for details and to reserve your spot.