Integration

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What do you know about integration?

To integrate: “verb [with object] 1 combine (one thing) with another so that they become a whole: transportation planning should be integrated with energy policy. combine (two things) so that they become a whole: the problem of integrating the two approaches. [no object] (of a thing) combine with another to form a whole: the stone will blend with the environment and integrate into the landscape”

Wow. Doesn’t that sound important? How often have you integrated new information on personal and spiritual development? How often have you heard healers, mentors or advisors speak on it? I’ve never heard anyone mention it.

When we introduce something new to our bodies, environments or minds we need to allow and effort to integrate the new ways/thoughts/ideas with what remains.

My husband and I are in the process of adopting a new dog. We have two already but there are many years between them and we thought the younger one would appreciate a playmate. When you bring a new dog into a family, you have to integrate it. You don’t just toss it in and hope for the best. The dynamics change and a new order must be established. You can expect fights, bites, growls and howls. You can expect at one time or another someone is going to be ready to call it quits (this might be you). You can expect that it will take time to do all these things.

The key is to keep your expectations low and your alert status high. Keep a watchful eye and nip any aggression in the bud. Redirect and allow for time out as necessary. Eventually things will fall into their own rhythm and peace will reign in your new expanded family.

The same is true for Rolfing (any energy healing too). If you’ve read my previous stuff you know I’ve been rolfing to attempt to relieve some physical symptoms I experience. Between sessions seven and eight she allows for integration. A period of time where no new sessions are done so that the body can catch up with the work that has been done and come to a new normal. A better normal. Thus the body integrates the new ways of operating.

During this time you can experience detoxing, aching, flu-like symptoms, fatigue, irritability and general discomfort. It might even get worse before it gets better (healing crisis). In short, you can expect fights, bites, growls and howls. You might even feel like calling it quits. Once your body adjusts and settles into the new commands your connective tissue is giving your muscles though, peace will reign in your new expanded body.

Our minds are no exception. When we discover new paradigms of thoughts/beliefs and introduce them into our lives we must allow for integration. Some old outdated thoughts/beliefs will be exchanged out simultaneously without issue. Still others will be forced out as the new set in. Still others will sort of fall off, without much mention, after the new has been allowed to integrate.

During this time you can experience irritability, discomfort, fear, anxiety and restlessness. You can expect fight, bites, growls and howls. You might even feel like calling it quits and just go back to the old paradigm. But once you introduce new paradigms it is hard to go back. Once you settle into the new rhythm, peace will reign in your new expanded mind. Then your Spirit will be joyous because your experience of it will be expanded as well.

Integration is likely the most important step of all -especially in personal/spiritual development- yet it is often overlooked. We live in an instant gratification society that leaves no room for integration. Today it is seek-find-ingest-move on. Where is the integration? It’s a little like shopping-purchasing-chewing-spitting out. Where is the digestion?  What good is the food if you are not digesting it? None, that’s what.

Integration of personal and spiritual development information allows for movement, acceptance and expression of the new shift.

  • Movement – allowance for the new balance to be established by the introduction of the new and replacement/reduction of the old.
  • Acceptance – to allow the new to work in your life on purpose, not default.
  • Expression – to practice this new way whenever possible – not to just ‘think it’ and retain old bad habits associated with the old (aka walk the talk).
But How?

Sit with it.

When you are introducing a new spiritual paradigm of thought, meditate on it. Sit in silence with it. Notice where it resonates (or doesn’t) in your body. What thoughts come up around it? What feelings come up around it? What emotions come up around it? Do you feel smaller or larger consciously because of it? Does it expand you?

Stand with it.

Challenge other related thoughts and beliefs you hold against the resonance of the new. When you’ve sat with something and decided that it does indeed resonate with you then weigh it against related beliefs that you’ve long just grown accustomed to. You might find that they too have outgrown their usefulness and will be replaced or just merely drop away. How does the new fit in with the old? Look for consistency and congruence. Something that is true will be true in all scenarios (with some exceptions, perhaps), so play devil’s advocate with yourself. Challenge yourself to think bigger with this new paradigm. See what else it shakes loose.

Walk with it.

Take it out for a spin around the block. Start conversations with others about it. If you don’t have any friends who get into this sort of thing there are many people on the internet exploring just these subjects (hint hint). Reach out. Conversations about such things are free. While asking for free advice on specific personal issues is not appropriate, opening up exploratory conversations is generally welcomed by all. Share your process, your conclusions and your expectations of what this new paradigm could do for you. Entertain whatever questions or doubts they might share with you. This is your chance to see if what you’re integrating has merit.

Then wear it.

Don’t be ashamed of your new shift. Wear it proudly. While it may be tempting to ‘shout it from the rooftops’ that can be obnoxious. So shout if you must, but expect you’ll turn a lot of people off. If that helps you integrate, then by all means don’t let putting people off deter you. I however, prefer to just wear it into a room. What that means is that I let the Universe determine when the information needs to be shared. When a subject comes up that relates to my belief I share it. I do it in the best possible way for it to be heard. Sharing things in certain ways will guarantee rejection before that other person really even hears it. Wording things in a non-threatening manner allows for the maximum amount of people to hear it and expand with it.

That’s integration – in a nutshell.

Questions? Start a conversation with me at jadewillowsong@gmail.com or in my too quiet facebook group https://www.facebook.com/groups/willowsongfirekeepers/

And as always remember…

I love you.

~Jade

 

 

Feeling Victimized

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Looking back on my journey of awareness/consciousness/living resonantly, or whatever you want to call it, I find it interesting to note that when I have felt most victimized, I wasn’t being victimized at all and when I was actually being victimized I didn’t realize it!

When I believed in victimization, I felt victimized often when I was actually experiencing someone enforcing their own healthy boundaries. Thusly, when I was being exploited I had no idea. 

I felt I was being victimized even when I wasn’t, because I had a victim mentality. When emanating from a victim mentality only stories of victimization will be found. When asking for something and the answer is no, it feels personal. It hurts our feelings and we feel rejection. It feels personal. 

Its all an illusion though.

“No one can victimize you without your permission.” Have you heard that? I ask you this then…if you give your permission then how is it victimization?

*Let me insert here that I am not talking about being the victim of a violent crime.

Victimization is a mindset and as long as you live in it, you will continue to be victimized. How? Why? Simply by thinking so. The victim mindset has the negative origination that everything happens TO you. This leaves no room but for the perception that events are thrust upon us and therefore at life’s whim. We feel out of control and desperate. When things don’t go our way we can only understand that things are unfair and that we are being punished.

The simplest stumbling block can seem catastrophic. The most catastrophic event can make you feel broken. Everything is lose-lose, you see. When we operate from a negative orientation we see things only as comparisons. We can only be happy when things go as we plan, thus missing out on amazing gifts along the way.

On the other hand, when we release the victim mentality and embrace the hero’s mindset we experience life quite differently. We understand that while we may desire or even expect a certain outcome, we know we will receive it only if it is in our best interest. We recognize the healthy boundaries of others might require them to tell us no or do something we wish they hadn’t. Saying yes to oneself, sometimes means disappointing another. Disappointment is the responsibility of the owner.

When we become disappointed we gather important information. Disappointment tells us we are in the right neighborhood, wrong house. Sometimes what we want is correct, but we are off about how it is meant to arrive. Without disappointment we couldn’t know!!

And when our actions cause disappointment in another it is best to remember that we do not own the responsibility for it, but the duty to be understanding about it.

The hero’s mentality understands that in every situation lies an opportunity. An opportunity to define ourselves. It is not always pleasant. Iron is forged in fire, after all. We grow the most when we are challenged. Challenges don’t come with bouquets of flowers. They come in darkness to push you to find the Light. And they push hard.

They are not however, tests.

We don’t get tested. There is no pass or fail. There is only growth or no growth and you are free to choose either. You are not punished or rewarded for either. However, growth feels rewarding; lack of growth, feels punishing. The feeling of growing into your highest self is a high that cannot be replicated. The feeling of not growing into your highest self is called suffering.

Do not seek peace in a place without chaos. Instead seek peace inside you despite the chaos in any place.

Side note: the challenges don’t get easier as you grow. Nope. They will come fewer and further apart, however they will be whoppers. It’s tempting to slide back into ‘what did I do wrong?”

Think of it this way…

If you’ve become a spiritual badass, then the only things that will present any challenge to you at all, will have to be equally as badass. Don’t be tempted to fall into self-pity during these times. Our growth is not linear and we do not ascend to such a level that ‘bad things’ don’t happen to us. We merely do not see as many things as ‘bad’. We recover faster from these occasions as well. Where once something less impactful might have had us spiral into depression, now we might experience a deep sadness that we allow and move through.

With this I say goodnight and

I love you.

~Jade

 

Jade’s work is different and we think you will find it effective and economic. It combines Jade’s knowledge and skills cultivated over three decades of psychiatry, human services, hospice, geriatrics, crystal healing, QiGong, Reiki, and Therapeutic Touch with her natural Spirit given gifts of intuition and being an empath.

Check out our Healing Rite of Passage Me-Treat & Workshops for 2018 

Join us for more conversation in our Facebook group Willow Song Firekeepers

As of now Jade is limiting the one on one work she does. For availability please email an inquiry.

To schedule services please review options here and email Jade here to make arrangements.

 

 

 

The Inter-Dependent Relationship Model

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You’ve heard of independence, right? Dependence? And co-dependence?  But how often do you hear of interdependence? This is not surprising in a society that uses fear as a tactic to motivate us.

Imagine making a journey across the country, before the industrial age, in a horse drawn wagon traveling dirt roads.  You are driving your horse to pull your wagon full of precious cargo through undiscovered terrain to an uncertain destination.  Upon this journey you meet with another and decide to travel together.  But how do you proceed?

To travel independently, in your respective wagons side-by-side, each wagon retains autonomy in decision-making, planning and action.  Individually each wagon will experience a different journey because though they are next to each other they are not traveling the exact terrain.  One may hit more bumps, ruts or rocks. Another may get stuck in muddy ground.  Pieces of cargo may fall off a wagon unnoticed. With two wagons to maneuver side-by-side going through narrow passages proves impossible so one must take the lead.  Who goes first?  Keeping exact pace may also be difficult when one tires quicker than another, or one may have a quicker horse or lighter cargo.  Coming to a fork in the road they may each feel a different direction would be best.  If one does not acquiesce to the other, then time and energy will be wasted in arguing may which could lead to separation.  At one time or another one will feel disadvantaged while the other will feel impeded.

To travel dependently, the respective separate wagons are positioned one behind the other.  While each retains control of their reins, one wagon is in the lead and the driver of that wagon has the decision-making and planning authority, directing the action of the other.  Although they travel the exact same terrain they are not experiencing it together.  Pieces of cargo from the first wagon may fall off and be trampled underfoot of the following horses, while pieces of cargo from the second wagon may fall off unnoticed.  In time both will feel resentful; the lead driver being overly responsible and the following driver being under valued.

To travel interdependently, resources are combined in an organized collaborative measure.  The horses are joined under one rein, to one wagon where the precious cargo has been combined orderly and secured. Together the individual drivers discuss their vision for the journey and their destination.  They agree upon the division of roles and responsibilities each will execute. One person is the designated driver and is responsible for the direction the wagon will go based upon the mutually agreed upon destination.  The driver directs the horses and judges how best for them both to arrive safely and accomplish the mission they’ve outlined together. The other person is the designated shotgun and is responsible for keeping an eye open to dangers that may not be visible to the driver. The shotgun is also charged with managing the precious cargo, making sure items are secure and do not fall of the wagon unnoticed and left behind.  Whereas the driver is responsible for the maintenance of the wagon ensuring its continued function,   the shotgun is responsible for managing the precious cargo to ensure that they have enough resources for the journey. Though they play different roles, each is valued and honored for their contributions as they share equal responsibility for the journey.

Each of the above scenarios represents different models of relationships and could respectively be characterized like this:

  • Independent = “I need to take care of me. You need to take care of you.”

  • Codependent = One says, “You need to take care of me.” And the other agrees, “You need me to take care of you.”

  • Interdependent = Each says, “I want us to take care of us.”

The interdependent relationship dynamic offers a collaborative approach with collective responsibility, creating a vehicle for individual growth as well as growth as a couple. People in interdependent relationships do that which is best for both partners by making sincere, reliable agreements with each other based upon their individual wants and needs.  They agree upon and establish solid boundaries and limits within the relationship. Then they honor those agreements. Those agreements should be as unique to the couple as fingerprints to an individual.  However, in every relationship, no matter how different the agreements, each person holds themselves accountable for their part in the relationship and absolute loyalty to the relationship is expected.

Each one charged with giving themselves wholly to the success of the relationship over the success of the individual and developing an intense level of trust, integrity and respect.

The symbol for this model is the Chinese symbol, yin yang, that represents the interaction of two energies, “yin” (black) and “yang” (white), which cause everything to happen. They are not completely black or white, just as things in life are not completely black or white, and they cannot exist without each other.  The two energies are often referred to as male energy (yang) and female energy (yin).  In this symbol the two are recognized as indivisible as they swirl to compliment each other and each holds a part of the other. Each partner has a different skill set that is valued and cherished by the other.  They do not oppose each other or compete, they are complementary.

In the wagon metaphor above, the driver’s role would be seen as the yang (male) and the shotgun’s role would be seen as the yin (female).

In the fight for women to be treated as equals, male dominance has taken on a negative connotation, rightfully so. Yet women across the globe swoon for the likes of Rhett Butler and dream of being bent over in a possessive kiss like the one he planted on Scarlet. There is a natural inclination for women to want men to display dominance. But the character trait of dominance is not the same as being domineering.

Like the yin to the yang there has to be a balance of energy in the relationship. So the counterpart to the active yang male is the passive yin female. However, being passive is far from being subjugated and it is definitely not a meek role. It is a consent to ride shotgun in the partnership. It is understanding that she is an interrelated partner to him. She is the defense to his offense, working on the same team to achieve the same goal, just with different roles. It is this dynamic that Kings with their Queens and Lords with their Ladies employ.

A dominant male is not an oppressor of women, nor is he in any way domineering. On the contrary, a dominant male recognizes that females are the source of life providing a feeling of strength and consistency to his life. A dominant male honors the passive energy of the female. While to the untrained eye the dominant male role may seem more dictatorial and active and the passive female role as submissive and meek, this could not be further from the truth.

Likewise, a passive woman allows the male to provide for her, just as readily as she provides for him. She does not view herself as weak in receiving, merely because she is yin. Yin is as powerful as yang. It is not a power struggle, but an allocation of power. “Here’s the whole pie of power. Yang, you are responsible for this half and Yin, you are responsible for this half.” The collaboration of the yang and yin roles in the interdependent dynamic, perfectly fuses maintained individuality with selflessness to create a passion-fueled relationship.

The feminist movement, though well intended, actually sabotaged itself by inadvertently devaluing the woman’s supportive passive role. The insistence that “equal” means the “same,” (ie: men and women doing the “same” job to be considered equal) rather than “equal” meaning “of equal value,” (ie: men and women doing different jobs that are held at the same value). Our modern movements for gender equality are fought by opening up jobs, traditionally populated by men, to women instead of also assigning due respect and equal value to traditional women’s roles. This is because our society is built upon patriarchal hierarchy where something has to better than another thing and if that something is male it is automatically worth more. As it is, our societal system has no ability to measure value independently of comparison.

Just to prevent any misunderstanding, let me emphasize that I am not saying women shouldn’t take jobs traditionally populated by men. Not at all. The feminist movement rightly opened up the opportunity for women to have free choice in the matter. I am merely saying that those women who choose to work in traditionally female populated positions need to be valued equally.

Author’s note: There is nothing to say that a female cannot or should not be in the yang role (or both roles), however for fluidity I chose not to use the PC he/she. There only must be yin and yang energy for it to work. It matters not, which gender fills which role.

Don’t Be “The Bigger Person”

black-and-white-people-bar-men.jpgYou’ve had a conflict with another person. Things may have gotten out of control and both sides are hurt. You may think the other person is at fault or at least at greater fault. At one point someone suggests you apologize and you reject that notion. That person then says to you, “be the bigger person” and you reluctantly decide to make the first move towards resolution.

Chances are that resolution wasn’t as successful as you would’ve liked. In fact, it may have even made things worse and you might be wondering why.

When you label yourself ‘bigger’, you are -by default- labeling them ‘smaller’ and it immediately sets up an energetic power struggle. “Bigger” is a relative term, which means it has no meaning without reference to something “smaller”. Energetically this is communicated through any interaction then.

You continue the conflict (power struggle) by putting the other person down energetically and with your language. You can’t help it. If being the bigger person is your motivation then all action from that place will be tainted. Can you feel the difference between these two ‘apologies’?

I’m sorry if your feelings were hurt. I’m sorry you felt that way and that you took what I said wrong.

 

I’m sorry. I never intended for your feelings to get hurt and I apologize that what I said caused you pain.

Can you feel the difference in the energy?!

The first one is passive-aggressive and is pretty typical of someone who is coming from a bigger/smaller place.

While we are not responsible for how someone else feels, we are accountable for our actions and our actions impact others whether we intend for them to or not. I think it is important to understand the intent of our actions, realize there can be miscommunication even with the best of intentions and there need not be ‘fault’ assigned, when accepting accountability. Just clear transparent communication.

If you can’t come to a conflict resolution open hearted with no power struggle strings, then you are not ready for conflict resolution. Wait until you can come to the table with an open heart.

Unless/until you can come with an open heart, the resolution won’t have a solid foundation for a conflict free future and the only point to conflict resolution, is to build a conflict free future. This can’t be done if egos are running amok and the ego is surely running amok if the only way you can think about doing the ‘right’ thing is to consider yourself the bigger person.

Conflict resolution isn’t about getting one over on another. It isn’t about proving anything to anyone. Its about clearing energy from your heart center and improving the vibration between two (or maybe more) parties. Its only about ‘winning’ if both parties are winning. It isn’t about being a better person than the other, merely a better version of your self.

Here’s the thing…

Conflict resolution isn’t necessary unless you create conflict. There is actually a way to live your life in such a way to minimize or even eliminate conflict in a healthy way.

I can hear your disbelief. “Conflict is a part of life” you think, but it isn’t. Conflict, by definition is a “serious and protracted disagreement or argument”. Not seeing eye to on a topic isn’t an automatic conflict. It’s when people believe there is one ‘right’ perspective and endeavor to impose that on others, demanding agreement, that conflict ensues. Simple seeing things differently is not conflict, its perspective.

Now, here are four steps to live your life to minimize if not eliminate conflict healthfully.

  1. Let go of winning.
  2. Disagreements are not automatic conflicts.
  3. Conflict resolution does not equal confrontation.
  4. Shift from the negative to the positive.
Let go of winning

When you are aligned you realize there is no ‘right or wrong’. There is what resonates with you and what does not. You cannot speak for another on the subject of resonating. What resonates with you may resonate with another, but you can never know if it resonates in the same way because neither of you can know the experience of the other! All you can do is trust your inner self, when you are most connected to Spirit to determine what resonates with you. The goal is not to win but to expand!

Disagreements are not automatic conflicts

Speaking to one another with respect and understanding, focusing as much on understanding another as we do on being understood by another is primary to eliminating conflict from your life. Transparency means being authentic without the fear of reprisal or harm. Approaching a problem from two different perspectives is a wonderful way to find the best solution. When you eliminate the need to win from a disagreement, you are automatically opened up to explore the limitless possibilities of outcomes and conflict isn’t even a ‘thing’.

Conflict Resolution does not equal Confrontation

If you do end up in conflict and find yourself approaching conflict resolution, it is important to understand that conflict resolution does not equal confrontation. Confrontation is hostile, conflict resolution is not. It can be uncomfortable (remember what we said about uncomfortable in the intimidation article) but it not hostile. True Conflict resolution, by its very name, will focus on the resolution not the conflict. Whereas confrontation has the aggressiveness built in, defenses are up and an implied right/wrong dynamic exists.

 

Shift from negative to positive

I’ve saved the first for last. Yes, you read that right. The very first thing you need to do to eliminate conflict from your life is to shift from the negative to the positive. Why did I save it for last? Because if you remember nothing else from this post, I want you to remember this…it is the single most important and powerful thing you can do for the betterment of your life. I have many people confess to me that they wish to be more positive but find themselves stuck in the negative. That is understandable. You were taught to be negative, you weren’t born that way. So, you have to unlearn it in a matter of speaking and relearn to be positive. There is one simple two step trick to making the switch.

The first step is to be aware of your negativity. Pay attention to your thoughts and your words. When you find yourself focusing on the negative, even if it is simply how something didn’t live up to your expectations, notice it. Be aware that you are focusing on the ‘lack’ of something rather than the ‘gift’ of something.

Once you have gotten used to noticing your negativity, the second step is to double up on the positive. What does this mean? For every negative thing you think or say, you counter with two positives. Say you are out to dinner with friends and the waiter forgets the tea you ordered. You find yourself feeling irritated and make a snide remark to your dinner companions. You hear it. Now you find two positive things to say about the waiter. Yes, say them out loud, after all you complained out loud, didn’t you? Maybe the waiter brought you extra rolls or had a pleasant demeanor.

Making this change is conscious, which means it will take effort to 1) notice the negative and 2) double up the positive. However, the shift you will be making will cascade out to all parts of your life. You will be more conscious of how your mind works and whether or not your attention is on the negative of life or the positive (aka the lack or the gifts). Remember that life will bring you whatever you purchase with your attention. (It’s a little like Amazon.com that way!)

All right, this has been sitting in my drafts folder for too long now, so I’m going to hit publish and know that it is on it’s way to those who need to hear this message the most.

As always, remember…

I love you!

~Jade

Jade’s work is different and we think you will find it effective and economic. It combines Jade’s knowledge and skills cultivated over three decades of psychiatry, human services, hospice, geriatrics, crystal healing, QiGong, Reiki, and Therapeutic Touch with her natural Spirit given gifts of intuition and being an empath.

Check out our Healing Rite of Passage Me-Treat & Workshops for 2018 

Join us for more conversation in our Facebook group Willow Song Firekeepers

As of now Jade is limiting the one on one work she does. For availability please email an inquiry.

To schedule services please review options here and email Jade here to make arrangements.

 

 

 

 

What Is A Strong Person?

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On my Facebook page I asked “When you think of a strong person, what comes to mind?” Inquiring into behaviors, actions, thoughts and philosophies. The answers were many an varied. Some I resonated with, some I did not. What I loved was the conversation we were having.
When I think of strong individuals I look to those who have experienced challenges and grown from them by becoming ‘better not bitter’. That’s the bottom line.
 
It is not someone who hides their truth and puts on a false smile. It is someone who feels the feels, cries the tears, then dries them and finds the takeaway.
 
It is someone who goes out of their way to do no harm, including doing no harm to his own self. Thus, it is NOT someone who cares more about others, than they do themselves, but instead, one who cares about others AS MUCH as they care about themselves.
 
It is someone who speaks truth, but in a kind way when it is most likely to be heard with an open heart.
 
It is someone who has suffered pain but keeps her heart open to those who show up and do the work.
 
It is also the someone who shows up and does the work.
 
It is someone who pushes through and assists others on the path, not run them over.
 
It is someone who has every reason and opportunity to be angry but chooses to love. It is someone who loves himself first and lets that love flow unto others.
 
It is someone who does not see things in ‘right or wrong’ or ‘fair’. It is someone who realizes everyone’s journey is different and has value.
 
It is someone who is not in competition to be better or worse than her sister/brother, but interested in being better than her self, yesterday.
 
I know a lot of strong women. I know a lot of strong men. I know a lot of individuals who think they are strong and are not (not for the reasons they think that is). I know a lot of individuals who think they are not strong but really are.
 
Your default setting is set on strong. You are strength incarnated because you are unconditional love and what could be stronger than that??!! There is nothing stronger than that!!! We can be convinced by societal conditioning that we are not strong because of thus and so. Its a lie. A misnomer. Misinformation. Hogwash.
 
Find your strength and choose better not bitter.
I love you!
~Jade

Jade’s work is different and we think you will find it effective and economic. It combines Jade’s knowledge and skills cultivated over three decades of psychiatry, human services, hospice, geriatrics, crystal healing, QiGong, Reiki, and Therapeutic Touch with her natural Spirit given gifts of intuition and being an empath.

Check out our Healing Rite of Passage Me-Treat & Workshops for 2018 

Join us for more conversation in our Facebook group Willow Song Firekeepers

As of now Jade is limiting the one on one work she does. For availability please email an inquiry.

To schedule services please review options here and email Jade here to make arrangements.

Judgement(al)

 

Feeling judged is no joke. It can unnerve even the steadiest of beings. The question we have to ask ourselves is ‘why is this bothering me?’

The experience of being judged is common, but feeling judged is something altogether different. Being judged happens to everyone, probably almost every day and that is out of our control. However, feeling judged is on us. It is us, in our heads, functioning as our own worst enemy.

Judgement is an energetic fight for power. Like any fight it takes two. Unlike a physical fight where we want to defend our physical vehicle, the only way someone can take our power is if we perceive them as taking it.

When being judged there are two responses: ‘I don’t care’ or ‘Let me correct this’. As soon as you feel compelled to ‘correct’ the situation you have ‘lost’ because you are engaging in the power struggle. No one wins in a power struggle because the premise is that power is a finite resource, which it is not. We have unlimited power, each of us, so for us to fight over it suggests that we believe there isn’t enough for everyone.

When we feel someone is judging us and our reaction is to be defensive, there is a part of us that believes that judgement and feels shame over it. We are also saying that what someone else thinks of us is relevant to our self-image and thus we feel the need to defend it.

I recently had an encounter like this and I took the opportunity to really examine what was happening to me.

It really happened without my noticing at first. I suddenly realized my energy was in the ‘need to be understood’ space, rather than the ‘need to understand’ space I normally occupy. I felt misunderstood and quickly began to defend myself and endeavor to clear up what I thought was a miscommunication. In and of itself, that is not unhealthy, however when my efforts to clear up the miscommunication were ineffective my frustration was beginning to rise and I felt a bit unsettled.

I had to check myself.

While people can affect how we feel, it is ultimately up to us the effect it has. Especially when this is not someone in my inner circle. Of course someone in our inner circle would have much more of an affect on us than some random person outside that circle.

So, when I realized I was feeling smaller and misunderstood I energetically pulled myself out of the engagement. I allowed him to take up as much space as he needed and stopped allowing my space to depend on him. I didn’t need his approval or his understanding.

I realized that I had developed an image – a fantasy image – of this person. I had created a character profile on him, for which I really had no basis. I assumed a lot of things about this person which had me not expecting judgment. In fact, very much the opposite.

When we do this, its important to identify it quickly and come out of that headspace. We need to release the expectations we created and accept the person as they present sitting in front of us with no judgement of our own in return. Doing this immediately releases us from the power struggle and the impulse to defend our position evaporates.

The whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth until I was able to dissect and autopsy the encounter to fully digest it. Once I understood how I ended up in that situation it was easy to extricate myself from it. It didn’t stay with me.

Which led to me another insight.

The only protection we need is from ourselves.

A lot of metaphysical practitioners teach the need to put up shields to protect oneself from energetic attack and harm. The truth is that harm originates within, no matter the intention of another. We can feel the ill intentions of another. We can understand the ill intentions of another. But then we can let them go. It is when we hold them in our energetic field that they cause harm.

Think of your energetic field like your home.

If someone comes to your door, you choose whether or not to let them in the door. If you let them in the door and they drop garbage wherever they go, then you choose to clean up the trash or to let the garbage stay where it fell. When you let it stay on the floor and you revisit the unpleasant feeling you are choosing to give it life. If you pick it up and put it in the trash bin, then your home is clean and there is no unpleasantness. The next time they come to your door, you can choose then to not allow them back in since they do not treat you in a healthy manner.

If you have an encounter with someone that leaves you feeling uncomfortable it is up to you to learn from it and move on. It is up to you how it affects you. No one’s negative energy can harm you, even if it makes you feel physically uncomfortable. What you are feeling is the dis-resonance; the contrast between what you are receiving and the frequency you are resonating at. If you allow yourself to focus on that lower frequency then you ask it to take up residence in your energetic field and that is how illness and disease is formed.

This is what happens when we believe that the approval of others matters.

We are allowing those judgements to sit and fester in our energetic field. The judgements of others never resonate at our own frequencies and those contrasts cause disharmony. That is not to say that feedback from others isn’t valuable, because it is. Very. Valuable. The perspectives of others can open our eyes to things that will expand us, but they can also give us the opportunity to discern that where we are is right where need to be now.

And that is where judgement differs from judgmental. Good judgement allows us to make the right choices for ourself. Being judgmental is assessing another’s choice.

I love you.

~Jade

Jade’s work is different and we think you will find it effective and economic. It combines Jade’s knowledge and skills cultivated over three decades of psychiatry, human services, hospice, geriatrics, crystal healing, QiGong, Reiki, and Therapeutic Touch with her natural Spirit given gifts of intuition and being an empath.

Check out our Healing Rite of Passage Me-Treat & Workshops for 2018 

As of now Jade is limiting the one on one work she does. For availability please email an inquiry.

To schedule services please review options here and email Jade here to make arrangements.

 

 

Unconditional Love – What is it Really?

This is a common misperception…that unconditional love and boundaries/standards are mutually exclusive!!

Unconditional love means you love someone the way they are. This does NOT mean you have to be in relationship with them.

Its kind of like loving dairy but not eating it because it causes you ill effects. You can love it but not consume it.

Having boundaries and standards of the way you wish to be treated in a particular relationship is a structure you design and you love people unconditionally within that structure. For instance, you might love your husband and your child unconditionally but because they are different relationship structures you love very differently, right?

Same thing with other relatives. Each relationship has its own structure, but the basis (if you love yourself) will be one of respect, integrity and honesty.

You don’t need to, in fact, you should never, accept just any old treatment from someone and call that loving them! That is not love, that is codependence.

 You can love someone unconditionally but if they cannot maintain a healthy dynamic with you, you can choose not to be in relationship with them.

Does that make sense?

I love you!
~Jade

Thoughts Or Feelings – Which Came First?

Do our thoughts dictate our feelings or do our feelings dictate our thoughts?

I had never given it any thought at all until someone asked me that very question one day many many years ago. Without much hesitation I answered definitively that my feelings dictate my thoughts. I feel something then I have a thought about it.

Watch the video to see how that changed for me.

Video

FOMO

While the acronym FOMO is fairly recent, the issue of ‘missing out’ has been a factor in life for decades. In 1913 a comic strip originated called, “Keeping Up With The Joneses”. The idea of someone else having more than you and feeling insecure about it existed long before that though.

So with the growth of capitalism, came the growth of materialism and what better way to grow materialism than to nurture the fear of missing out? What better basis for the advertising industry than to breed need?

As a personal development expert, I can tell you – without a doubt – there is no missing out when you live in alignment.

What does living in alignment mean? It is when you are in tune with your Soul and the vibration of your thoughts, deeds and beliefs are ever increasing. When you live like this, there is nothing you can miss out on because you are actively attracting all sorts of  things at that same vibrational level. So, you innately understand that anything is available to you, thus you don’t worry about an opportunity passing you by. That just isn’t a thing.

As soon as I identify the subtle FOMO messages in any advertising (and I tell you I see it everywhere, including -but not limited to- other personal development experts) I am instantly turned off of learning/buying from them. If you need to use fear to sell your product then it indicates fear within you and I’m not trying to have that in my life. I want to learn/buy from those who are aligned and understand how fear keeps our vibration from rising to its fullest potential.

Fear simply breeds more fear. Selling via fear, taints the product/service with fear. It cannot be that you sell something by way of fear, without the stench of fear permeating the purchase. I also feel that someone who wants to sell you security and especially personal development would not exploit your fear to manipulate you. These are incongruent and mutually exclusive and any ‘security’ you may feel as a result is merely an illusion.

Does that make sense to anyone else but me?

FOMO shows up in lines like “limited space available”, “only ten slots left”, “hurry before its gone” and “this won’t last long”. However it can be even more insidious, showing up in languaging that suggests ‘this product/service will make me complete/perfect’. If you are being made to feel you are not enough just as you are, then there is ‘fear’ driving that bus. Exploiting someone’s fear is the anti-thesis of what personal developers need to be doing. I don’t understand it.

We are beautiful and perfectly imperfect just the way we are; sometimes, though we ourselves feel an inner drive moving us forward to expansion. This drive does not come from outside our Self, it is of our Self. That feeling is something to pursue with a collaborator who speaks to that very part of our Self.

I am not looking to work with clients, nor do I wish to hire a coach for myself. What I am looking for (on either side of the desk) are people who can collaborate with me. There is no fear in collaboration! There is an energy of ‘you and I both have power and together we are going to do great things!’ What a wonderful way to start a journey together, right?!!? Don’t you think we can get greater results starting off from a place of power than a place of fear?

I certainly do.

Anyway, these are my thoughts on FOMO that have been rattling around for a long time now and couldn’t be contained a minute longer! Thanks for listening!

I love you!

~Jade

To find out all the ways you can collaborate with Jade, take a peek at the Service page. Check her out on youtube here and if you are inclined towards development type of conversations we’d love to hear your voice in our Facebook group Willow Song Fire Keepers

 

 

Regret Is A Gift

I aim to live my life with no regrets.

Regrets indicate that the past is taking up space in the present. It is far better to live a life fully present to your highest best, thus avoiding future regret. However, when they present themselves – if we are paying attention – regrets can be gifts.

We all do the best we know how and when we know better we do better. Regret is the understanding that we could’ve done better, but we didn’t believe it enough to stand in it. We knew the ‘better’ choice, but we didn’t believe in our ability to carry it out. We didn’t have the confidence to fully commit to that better version of ourselves and in hindsight we know we were so close.

Regret is the measurement between who we were and who we’ve become.

The beauty though, is that we can understand it in that context and give ourselves some slack. Regrets affirm our growth. We see a moment of our lives in a new perspective and hold ourselves to a higher standard.

The problem, of course, comes in when we allow ourselves to get landlocked in regret, aka: stuck in the past. Holding onto regret as if it were a record of faults keeps the pathological cycle going. Seeing regret as a growth tool stops the cycle and accelerates development.

In my own journey, regret has been an on again/off again relationship. In my thirties, I spent a lot of time looking back on my twenties (and then subsequently my thirties) with regret. In my forties, I completely let go of regret. I understood that I regularly do the best I know how to do at the time  – so I broke up with regret.

But after a recent expansion in my own development (spoiler alert: we are never done expanding) I began to find regrets popping up. No lie, at first it was a little unsettling. I mean I’ve lived at least 10 years without regrets, but I caught myself and stopped judging it. I just allowed them to be what they needed to be and listened for the messages. When I did this I heard – clearly –

‘this wouldn’t even be on your radar, if you hadn’t grown beyond it’.

I also noticed this was a different type of regret. It wasn’t the negative self-talk type, it had a ‘if I knew then, what I know now’ type of energy. More of a fantasizing of how things would have played out if I’d had the where-with-all to do what my Soul was ready to do, but my ego wasn’t. The energy of it felt loving not judging.

And it felt so amazing as I realized who I’ve become.

A Master

A Master of my own life. Not a slave to programs of old. Not a slave to the judgements of others. Not a slave to impossible expectations and crippling self-recrimination. Not a slave to anything, anymore.

Our lives are exactly what we perceive them to be. They are not what shows up as ‘evidence’, but instead how we interpret that ‘evidence’ and how we allow it to affect us. It is all about interpretation and perception. If we look at it as proof that we are victims then we are victims. But if we look at it as proof of our heroism then we are heroes!

Its about casting off the shackles of blame, shame, judgment and limitation and embracing how absolutely magical and all powerful we are!

Be a Master.

I love you.

~Jade

Check out our services page for more information on working with Jade personally to become your own Master. Or just check her out on youtube.com