Best Death Possible – Part One -A Mother’s Death

Today, December 13, 2020 is the fifteenth anniversary of my mother’s transition. Until this time I haven’t shared the details of my experience of her death.

There are so many things I would do differently, most are details that would matter only to me, however one thing I believe could’ve changed the outcome.

I want to say right off though, you can’t be a doula and be a daughter at the same time. You just can’t. There are family dynamics, emotions, fears, hopes, anticipatory grief, expectations, and underlying currents at work that you can’t, as a daughter, step out of enough to BE a doula. That said, it doesn’t mean you can’t be a great daughter, in attendance, advocating and emotionally supporting your mother, but I wasn’t that either.

I know this is long so I appreciate you even considering to read it all. It is not meant to be an all inclusive recount of the events, but rather a highlighted exploration of needless trauma. If I were to write it as an account of the experience there would be many many more details about the emotional and relational aspects.

Tuesday

It started on a Tuesday with a call that Mom was in the Emergency Department with difficulty breathing. I was at work and rushed over as soon as I could. I found her in a cubicle sized exam room when I arrived. She had her chemotherapy appointment a day or so before and said she just wasn’t feeling right and was having a hard time breathing.

When her cardiologist came in my mother introduced me like this, “Dr. Kramer, this is my daughter Judy. She hates chemo.” To which he replied, “Yes, it is nasty stuff.” He stated that Mom had congestive heart failure and they would be running additional tests.

The hospital was full, she would wait hours in that cubicle sized room until a patient room opened up. I was working a relatively new job as a therapist in a psychiatrist’s office, and had to return to work, but visited her between patients later in the day. I found her that time in a room that I would’ve sworn was a janitor’s closet earlier that day. It was set off by itself long past any other patient rooms, and as far away from any staff as you could get. We sat for a while and talked about what the doctors were saying and what tests were going to be done. She waited until I was halfway out the door, late for my next appointment, to say, “I’m afraid.” I replied, “I bet you are. This is scary.”

Thing 1 I would change. I would’ve turned around and stayed with her. It turns out the patient I was late to see had cancelled and it was not the policy of the office to call and let therapists know when scheduled appointments cancel. My last appointment of the day was a no show. So, yes, I would’ve stayed with her. I would’ve explored that fear more. I would’ve been a great daughter who was attentive, present and emotionally supportive.

Wednesday

When I returned on Wednesday I found her in a different room wearing a rebreather mask. She was worried about the Christmas cookies she had committed to baking for the hospice she volunteered for. The same hospice I worked for just months before starting my new job. She wanted me to call the volunteer director and let her know the cookies wouldn’t be done.

At this point the diagnosis changed to add pneumonia to the congestive heart failure. I remember seeing the x-ray of her lungs…It looked as if they were wearing woolen sweaters. Where there should be clear darkness, there was fuzzy white. They started her on antibiotics.

Thursday

When I returned Thursday she was on a different type of mask. Her breathing was no better. Her lungs were no better. I knew from my years of working as a hospice social worker that chemo compromises the immune system and that if she was not responding to the antibiotics in 24 hours it was not good. I emailed my Aunt because my father was not ready to call the family in for visiting. My Aunt was not only my father’s sister, but she was my mother’s best friend since long before they were married. There was no way I wasn’t going to tell her what I knew.

By Thursday night the medical staff was out of options. The pulmonologist wanted to do a bronchoscopy to get a biopsy of her lungs to see what kind of infection it was so they could target the treatment. The problem is that after the bronchoscopy she would need to be on a ventilator for an undetermined amount of time. This is something my mother was adamantly opposed to.

Ten years prior she completed a Living Will specifically declining artificial life support. As we discussed the treatment options around her bed she spoke as loudly as she could through that mask that she did not want to be on a ventilator. However, she was ignored. My father is a very intimidating man and overrode her decision; insisting the doctor do the test. Later on, when I would bring up the Living Will Mom signed to attempt to advocate for her, he jumped up, towered over me and yelled, ‘WHAT piece of paper?’

When everyone left the room my mother again reiterated to me that she did not want to be put on a ventilator. We talked about it awhile. I encouraged her to talk to her husband, again, but she wouldn’t. So, I walked her through a process to get her to a place of peace about being on a ventilator short term, if it meant possibly finding an answer. She made me go to her house to bake up the cookie dough she had started.

During this whole time I needed to also be present for my twelve-year old daughter. I had pulled her out of school twice during this time because I wanted her to have every option to have last memories with my mother. Every day my mother got worse and every day I thought would be her last. I was also keeping my mother’s older sister informed who was living in a nursing home. I continued to keep my other aunt informed, as well.

Friday

Friday morning they did the bronchoscopy and by Friday night she looked like a blown-up balloon. During the bronchoscopy they pierced her lung and she was filling up with air. Bloody drainage came from the chest tube and she was indeed on that ventilator. Her doctor went out of town so we were left with an associate. The results of the bronchoscopy were inconclusive so an infectious disease doctor was brought on to determine whether or not to try fungicides or to start her on penicillin, which she was allergic to.

Saturday

By Saturday she was in multi-system organ failure and treatment options were still being discussed with my family. I was hearing lab results familiar to me from my work in hospice. I started to push the medical team about these things and realistic expectations. She agreed to be on the ventilator for a period of three days. She was only continuing to decline since. I failed at keeping her off the ventilator; I would not fail at keeping my promise that it would be short term. That night my father decided that my mother should not be left alone and he wanted me to stay at the hospital.

During the night my mother woke up on the ventilator and wanted my sister, my father and my husband there. She didn’t want to talk until they were there. She wanted my sister and I to get along. She wanted us to watch over our father. She wanted him to stop smoking. She wanted my husband to take care of me. And she wanted to say I love you to all of us.

The staff set me up in a room far away from my mother’s to stay. I wasn’t allowed to sleep in a cot or recliner next to her bed. What was the point of staying if not in her room? It was all too much for me by that time. I called my Aunt in the middle of the night because I just didn’t have anyone else to talk me off the ledge I was on. I’ll never forget the comforting voice on the other end of the phone saying, “Hold on. I’ll be there tomorrow” as I sobbed for the first time.

Sunday

Sunday morning came and there had been further decline. We as a family started talking about removing her from the ventilator, only to find out there was no supporting documentation in her chart by the doctors. Apparently what they were finally saying to us and to the nurses was not what they were documenting. So, again one by one we had conversations with each doctor about her condition and the reality of needing to let her go. By Sunday night we were talking about taking her off the ventilator Monday.

Monday

Monday came and there were faith-based hoops to jump through to get the approval to take her off the ventilator. This was the first time we spoke with anyone from palliative care and I only remember it being one brief conversation. Her doctor returned from out of town and was surprised that she had not recovered. He made his first call to her oncologist who said, “Sometimes patients respond to chemo like this. Give her steroids.” This was an emotionally devastating blow because she had been in multi-system organ failure for days now. Her cardiologist said she would likely not wake up and would need long term care placement if she did recover.

I mean it when I say my mother would rather be dead than be institutionalized living on a ventilator.

Thing 2 I’d change. I would’ve called her oncologist myself the first day she was admitted. She kept saying that she felt fine after chemo but then a day later she didn’t. I wrongly assumed that the medical team INCLUDED the oncologist. I do believe this one thing could’ve changed her outcome.

By Monday afternoon we had everything in place. I was prepared to let her go that afternoon and then I was told that it would be another day. My father wanted to wait until Tuesday.

I lost it.

I have never sobbed so hard, either before or since, as I did then. It was all so exhausting and now to make my mother suffer another day seemed cruel. I just kept yelling, ‘she deserves better than this.’ I understand – now, outside my own grief – that he needed a day to prepare. He had not been able to grasp reality days before as I had been. I had been fighting for days to end her suffering, while he’d been fighting to keep her here.

Tuesday

Tuesday morning came with yet another blow. My mother’s case now needed to be sent to the Ethics committee for approval to remove her from the vent. Why at each turn there was another hurdle someone didn’t foresee I did not understand. It was a Catholic hospital and they didn’t explain in advance the protocol to remove the tubes once in place. I was livid and unable to get face time with the bureaucrats causing my anger.

Tuesday afternoon the tubes were removed. My sister, my father and I were around her bed with our hands on some part of her when she exhaled for the last time, some 45 minutes after the machine was turned off.

I Did The Best I Could

Thing 3 I’d change. Her transition was sterile and un-ceremonial. Aside from the blanket I’d bought her for Christmas and gave her early, there were no personal effects. Nothing of my mother was in her death. I’d have music playing. She loved music. Johnny Mathis maybe or Ann Murray. Maybe Johnny Cash. Or maybe some Boots Randolph. I would’ve brought crystals to surround her. Anointing oils to bless her journey and thank her body for its service. I would’ve chosen a poem or a prayer to recite with all of her family present, not just the three of us.

Thing 4 I’d change, though not necessarily in order of importance…I’d take pictures of her in the hospital. Especially before the ventilator. She would’ve hated it though – no make up, hair unkempt, face mask pressed into her cheeks. As it is though I don’t know when the last picture of my mother was taken.

Despite these things I’d change, I know I did my best, but I still don’t feel it was good enough. We all did the very best we could within a system fraught with death denial. My energy had been used up on decoding the things that weren’t being said, forcing them into the air where my family could pluck them at their ready, then begging for the right things to be done.

This is why thing 5 I’d change, not in order of priority, is hiring a death doula (or better yet I wish the hospital had this service.) This one change would’ve made all the other changes for me. A Death Doula, a Transitions Doula, an End of Life Doula, an End of Life Specialist, a Sacred Attendant…whatever name they go by they offer the same thing – holding dedicated sacred space specific to the transition of loss and supporting the best death possible.

(Continued in Part Two- A Daughter’s Hope)

Acceptance

I recently published a piece called ‘Acceptance or Judgement’ and then I realized that it was all about judgement and not so much about acceptance. An imbalance I am compelled to remedy.

I find many people have issue understanding the difference between accepting and sanctioning. Let me say this about that.

I accept that you are an alcoholic. It is none of my business how you live your life. How you treat your body. How you deal with things. How your relationships do or don’t work. It is not my place to lecture you, judge you or punish you.

I accept that you have an addiction, but I don’t sanction your addiction. I don’t buy your liquor, but I also do not count your drinks. If I don’t like your behavior when you are drinking then I don’t make plans with you that include alcohol. If I am with you and you begin to drink and act in a certain way that makes me uncomfortable, I remove myself.

I accept it. I accept you. I support you. If you call me intoxicated and need a ride home, I’m coming for you. I got you. That’s acceptance of your right to do with your body, your life, what you choose.

I accept that your path is different than mine. That you don’t see the value of living in high vibration. That you don’t see the Light in everyone. That you don’t believe in magic. That you don’t see messages in every single event of life. I accept it and I don’t judge you for it.

I accept you where you are. Even when I am not there. Even when I can no longer stay with you in that place. Even when I think you’d be happier a few steps ahead. Even when you take a few steps back. I accept you.

I can honestly say that has not been the case in reverse. The most personal decisions I have made have been the most judged by others; even by others who are supposed to accept and support me. I have been demonized by those who should’ve known better and by those who didn’t know me at all. Yet, I did not judge them in return.

I never let them change who I am at my core. I cannot preach about living a higher vibe life, wanting to be free to make my own choices and then turn around and not extend the same courtesy to others – even if they are ‘drawing first blood’. That’s not my style and it never will be.

Accepting others starts with accepting ourselves.

Read that again, for good measure. No, wait. I’ll write it again, for good measure…

Accepting others starts with accepting ourselves.

I find those who’s first inclination is to find something to criticize in someone else, is only externally exhibiting an internal dialogue. I don’t believe you can be judgmental of others unless your internal landscape is filled with landmines of negative self-talk and harsh criticisms. The more you talk about someone else’s flaws the more flaws I know you see in yourself. And right now, your mindset, is in survival mode and you are thrashing about in waters of despair over your head because you can’t see the ocean is of your own making.

If I believe I am tall and someone tells me I am short and I like being short, then I am not offended by their perception of me. I am not affected at all. However, if I don’t like being short and someone comments on how short I am, I would be offended because I want to be seen as taller than I appear. I do not accept that part of myself and want to be something I am not. This creates dissonance and dissonance shows up clearly as attitude and, if not addressed, as illness.

Many do not know that I had malignant melanoma almost 20 years ago. I had not yet begun to understand how our internal world manifests our external world. I did not yet understand how that which was afflicting my energetic and emotional bodies would show up as illness and injury in our physical body.

But this experience launched me into that exploration and I see clearly now, that my lack of healthy boundaries caused my melanoma. Do you see how that correlates? Our skin is our physical boundary. It is what keeps our insides, in and the outside, outside. Our skin protects our insides from the pollutants of the outside world we live in. When we do not honor our emotional and energetic bodies we create dissonance and that dissonance then shows up in our skin.

There are other ways, besides skin cancer, that this sort of dissonance could show up. I don’t want you walking away thinking that our lack of boundaries only shows up as skin cancer. Lack of boundaries could also manifest as weight issues – over or under. It all really depends on the underlying belief that is causing the dissonance.

I could go on forever about all the ways dissonance shows up as illness or injury, but this post is not about that.

The more we learn to see ourselves with kind eyes, the more we will look upon others with kind eyes. I think kind eyes are more powerful than even gratitude, because I think gratitude can be faked. Or maybe just mimicked but not truly gratitude. Kind eyes cannot be mimicked and kind eyes move us away from dissonance.

What are kind eyes? Kind eyes are looking into the mirror, not to check to see what needs to be fixed, but to appreciate our beautiful uniqueness. Kind eyes are looking at others and immediately finding something to love about them.

Kind eyes are the heart’s eyes. They are the Soul’s eyes. They are the Creator’s eyes.

I see you. Like it or not, I see you…and I love you.

~Jade

Day 4 Self-Promotion/Self-Reveal

23484467_10214785715261174_1642806882_oI had this almost fully written, when this bug I’ve been fighting for 2 weeks now, got a second wind. Plus a trip back to Indiana and my 5 days of shameless self-promotion had to be put on pause. So, here’s day 4’s share!

Today’s story to reveal the gifts I have to offer is one of the most significant ones I have. My very best friend wanted more than anything to have a child but was having trouble conceiving. After trying unsuccessfully, she and her husband turned to fertility treatments.

The fertility treatments weren’t quite working as hoped and after an ultrasound showed her ovaries ‘behind schedule’ in their growth, we scheduled a healing session. While the session was focused on the infertility other things showed up as needing energy. Because energy goes where it is needed, one never questions what shows up…you just attend to it.

When we got to her abdomen the energy was flowing strongly over her ovaries. She described the sensation as feeling like ‘popcorn’ in her uterus, which is congruent with what I experienced. The energy was strong and really enthusiastic.

The next week she had another ultrasound done and her ovaries were right on schedule! Not long after the session she conceived and was expecting her first child.

Healing does not have to be exclusively alternative or traditional methods, they can make a beautiful complementary couple. In fact, alternative healthcare is often called complementary medicine.

That said, I wasn’t finished with that family.

At 25 weeks their daughter was born 1 pound 15 ounces, 13 inches. She had grade 3 brain bleeds on both sides of her brain and was in the hospital for 75 days. I made several trips to the hospital to support my friend and to provide energetic assistance to the baby’s healing and wellbeing.

The brain bleeds resolved rather quickly and now 16 years later there are no cognitive or motor skill deficits.

I can never say what results will come from energy healing. I never make promises as to what kind of healing one will get. So much of it depends on the patient and their ability to embrace being well.

The idea of ‘welling’ rather than ‘healing’ is a simple mental shift that embraces a well body, rather than focusing on healing an illness. Does that make sense? That energy pointed towards eradicating a disease or disorder is pointed towards the unwanted. If its wellness we want, its wellness we must point our energy towards.

I love you. I really do.

~Jade

Beautiful – It’s Not What You Think

IMG_20170904_104700I love to do a good face mask. My favorite is Aztec Secret Indian Healing Clay mask made from Calcium Bentonite Clay. I love it because I feel like it actually digs deep down and pulls stuff out of my pores and afterwards my skin glows. I find it an analogy for so many things. Digging the crap out of your internal psychoemotional pores and sloughing off the dead surface layer to allow the deeper radiance to shine through.

Its also an analogy for something else. As I endeavor to do more videos, I am more aware of my appearance and notice myself weighing this feature against another when setting things up. I often opt out of doing a video because I don’t feel like showering and putting on make up. As I looked into the mirror while putting on the mask and cherishing this moment of indulgence, it hit me.

Not all moments of beauty are beautiful.

To prove it, I took this picture. (This face never fails to make my hubby laugh.) Aside from that though it caused me to think about other non-beautiful moments of beauty. Pictures like that fireman carrying the child on 9/11, or childbirth, or a mother’s face just after giving birth as she holds her newborn all sweaty and fatigued.

But there are many many MANY more non-beautiful moments of beauty that we can’t take pictures of and might not even recognize as such. Moments of ferreting out those thoughts, beliefs and emotional patterns that don’t serve our spiritual destiny. Ugly stuff. It feels uncomfortable, awkward and sometimes seemingly painful, but in the end the beauty it creates in our lives is limitless. Without these non-beautiful moments of beauty we could not explore our true beauty.

Right now, I guarantee there are non-beautiful moments going on right now in your life that you can’t embrace for their hidden beauty. I know I have a shit-ton of them right now and I was completely overlooking them.

As a Intuitive Spiritual Transformation Facilitator I fall into the trap often of thinking I need to present a ‘perfect package’, like so many others do, to prove I’ve ‘made it’ and therefore worthy of getting paid to walk with others on their journey. Pfft, as if there were a landing space called ‘success’ in life! There are no landing places. This is a journey and there are hills, valleys, mountains, curves and steep grades, but no landing places. We stop to catch our breath then we keep moving. The only landing place is the present moment we are in. In each present moment there are gifts…some are beauties and some are uglies.

Instead of hiding mine, I’m going to share and I hope you will too. Getting the uglies out into the daylight can help us see their hidden beauty. Here we go…

These are the Uglies I can get caught up in: My husband had a brainstem stroke in January of this year. He is the bread winner of the family currently as I struggle to get my business going. My daughter has been in a dark place since her father died a year ago. I’m in court fighting his deathbed widow over my own retirement funds. As a result of a kylego I created, envisioned and organized an amazing two day transformational retreat/workshop. Despite my excitement and  forward feeling of achievement not one person has registered. My husband is in construction and we got stiffed just under $7,000 on a tiling job this month. Subsequently, our mortgage automatic payment bounced. I broke a tooth about a month ago and made arrangements to pay half at the first visit and half at the second visit to get it fixed. Because of being stiffed we didn’t have the resources to go back for the second visit.

Now here are the beauties that have shown up as a result: My husband’s recovery has been amazing. With a combination of mindset work and energy healing work he was the shortest stay in the rehab unit they have ever had. He went back to work the Monday after he was released, with caution. He was back to driving within months. The lasting effects are minimal and isolated mostly to short term memory loss and expressive communication. My daughter has moved back home to heal from her loss and has turned a corner in the darkness that grief can be. I just won an important appeal in my court case. Although right now no one else will experience my amazing retreat I have done some really phenomenal work creating interactive, reflective and transformative individual, paired and group exercises all ready and waiting to go for future retreats/workshops and client work. The best part is that I got to do that creating. The only thing I love more than creating transformative experiences is facilitating them for people. Despite getting stiffed on $7,000 worth of work, we kept the lights on. We didn’t miss the mortgage payment, because although the one contractor failed to pay, my hubby had secured another job. It was enough to cover that mortgage payment (the deposit was made hours after the automatic payment was kicked) as well as some other necessities.  My temporary crown is holding nicely and we shall soon have enough money for me to go back for the permanent one because work is lined up.

I can even go back further to three years ago when I quit my 28 year career to move across two states where we bought a house with no money and no credit; and when I had fibromyalgia and was living with an average daily pain of 7-8, to now when my average daily experience is a pain level 1 with no meds.

I could go back even further because at 53 I’ve come a long long way baby…but I won’t. 🙂

The point is we have a tendency at times to define our journeys by the distance we have yet to go, and by lamenting things that don’t show up the way we think they need to and thus overlooking the multitude of ways we manifest abundance and miracles. When you are stuck in “what am I doing wrong that I can’t manifest what I want” remember your ‘success’ is about the distance travelled not the distance yet to go…

*Please share your ‘uglies’ either in words or pictures below! Let’s all be real and share our non-beautiful moments of beauty with each other!

Is This You Or Someone You Know?

Does anyone ever feel like they’re just not meant for this life? I know how blessed I am. I live in a developed country, I have a family, friends, a house, animals who I adore and a job. Everything people who are less fortunate would die for. But I’m still not happy. I feel so forced. I just want to be running wild and free, a natural woman, with animals and living off the land. I don’t want the troubles of money, the social media, the modern life. Is that really even natural for humans? Is anyone really comfortable living like this or is it just something we have to accept because everyone else does. My head hurts because it just can’t cope with what society wants from me  ☹️” ~Woman A
“Im with you! Feels so pointless and empty at times. On my good days [I’m trying to] work towards a more fulfilling life but am not really sure how to get there or if its worth it etc etc. Its is society not us thats wrong, take each day as it comes is all you can do. Stay strong we will get there…x Woman B in response to woman A
“Can I ask for guidance again? My mother wasn’t the warmest individual growing up. She’s someone multiple therapists have told me to cut out of my life, even if it’s just until I’m stronger. I’ve gone through much of my adult life in an off and on relationship with her because of her controlling nature. When I was a child I was often compared to other children and asked why I can’t be like someone else’s kid or why their kid, who’s “slow” (her words, not mine) would be doing better than me. I was locked in closets, kicked out of the house at night, told she wished I wasn’t hers, which didn’t end until 7th grade…”~Woman C

Is this you or someone you know? This is just a sampling of what I’ve been hearing lately. We as woman have suffered under patriarchy. That is not a feminist or anti-masculine thing. We can only survive in a balanced society and this is NOT that!

This feeling, THIS longing, THIS UNSETTLING is why the Healing Rite of Passage was created. Men and woman are invited to join in the Feminine Rising that this will be. Its not male bashing and it isn’t ‘woman stuff’ it is just a connecting to the feminine yin energies that have been ignored for centuries now. We need to connect to Mother Earth AND Father Sky. To Grandmother Moon AND Grandfather Sun. We can ONLY be our highest selves, live the highest version of our lives and have the grandest experiences when we are balanced in masculine and feminine energies.

We HAVE to heal the wounds of the past that keep harming us. You don’t know how to ‘get there’ because no one taught you to look inside yourself. And you can’t do it with the eyes that society has taught you to look through. It has set you up to fail.

There is SO much you can do to get so much more out of life! I can help you unlearn everything you’ve learned that is actually getting in your way. You have to go deeper than just meditating and gratitude journalling. You have to unravel all the manipulative programming EGOS set in play. You have learn the truth about how the Universe works by understanding and working WITH (not against) the three Universal Laws and their seven principles.

Universal Laws

Take a step today and reserve your spot or contact Jade Willow Song for more information, right now!

When: September 16 & 17, 2017
Where: Waterford, Michigan
Early Bird Registration: $500*
Registration after September 1, 2017: $675*

For Tickets: https://squareup.com/store/judy-klemos

Recommended affordable nearby accommodations: http://www.oldemillinnofclarkston.com/

*Introductory prices only- 2018 prices are $675 and $800

Holistic Health Care

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Holistic PSA: I am a holistic practitioner. I do energy work and work of the soul because that is where dis-ease and dis-orders stem from.

There is more to health-care than allopathic intervention. The statement ”there is nothing more to do than symptom management” is the first true statement they can make. In chronic and some acute cases, all allopathic does really is manage symptoms. That is OK in the short term, but Holistic medicine, focuses on the root cause so that acute doesn’t become chronic…and in holistic intervention, there is no such thing as idiopathic.
Do you know what ‘idiopathic’ means? “Relating to or denoting any disease or condition that arises spontaneously or for which the cause is unknown.” So when you have a diagnosis of idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis you have a dis-ease in which tissue deep in your lungs becomes thick and stiff, or scarred, over time, and no one is concerned with addressing a cause…
About 3/4 of the way through writing this I turned on the DVR to have Adam Ruins everything on in the background. I didn’t know the topic of this episode. Guess what? Its about the allopathic healthcare system. Hello Universe! Thank you for providing me resources! Please take less than an hour of your life for education. Adam Ruins Everything: Hospitals
I highly recommend homeopathy, Chinese medicine, energy and soul work (ESPECIALLY for idiopathic and chronic diagnosis!)
You can harness your body’s natural healing power to overcome things that modern medicine has had no success in treating.
Not to mention preventing many of those dis-eases and dis-orders from even developing by exploring the soul, emotional or mental roots!
Energy and soul work can be done remotely, so no matter where you live, I can help. Also, my retreat-workshop Healing Rite of Passage would certainly be of benefit to you! We will be doing lots of healing!

A rite of passage, by definition, is a ceremony or event marking an important stage in someone’s life. If you are ready for the past to be the past, to release old relationships and wounds, or just take the opportunity to give your spirit the intensive care it needs, then reserve your spot in our Transformation Circle today. 

When: September 16 & 17, 2017
Where: Waterford, Michigan
Early Bird Registration: $500*
Registration after September 1, 2017: $675*

For Tickets: https://squareup.com/store/judy-klemos

Recommended affordable nearby accommodations: http://www.oldemillinnofclarkston.com/

*Introductory prices – 2018 prices are $675 and $800

Healing Rite of Passage Retreat/Workshop

58957_1451367004156_1754294_n“I ate once. It didn’t work. I was hungry again in a couple of hours.” 

You never hear anyone saying that, do you? But ask about meditation, or yoga or journalling and that is a very common answer. 

Body, Mind and Spirit…that’s what we are. We are a carefully constructed mechanism made up of these three compartments. Without any one of these we cease to exist. 

REALLY. Think about that for a minute. 

It is pretty clear when your body is hungry for food or thirsty for water. You then have the choice of what to provide; healthy food and pure water or junk food and pop. You feed it and then what? You have to do it again a couple hours later. 

Your body also hungers for air and that is one you cannot ignore at all. Again, it is a constant give and take, not a one and done deal.

Your body also hungers for movement, but that’s subtle and easier to ignore than the need for food or water. Those into physical fitness know that regular exercise is necessary for a healthy body…none of them ever expect one workout to be enough. When you ignore the need for movement, you start experiencing more symptoms of aging and physical breakdown. 

Do you see where I’m going with this, yet?

Your mind also has needs. It hungers for new information to process, good books to read, interesting studies and, of course, fulfilling work. It isn’t enough for you to just intake new goodness, but its important to share as well with others in good conversations, social settings and a job that allows you to teach or share something. 

When you try to ignore this aspect of yourself, it looks like addiction: binge watching TV, pharmaceuticals, recreational drugs, sex, smoking, shopping, etc…

Your spirit also has needs. Your spirit is the energetic body and it hungers for connection and love. It is the part of you that makes you, ‘You’. It is by far the ‘easiest’ to ignore but with the most detrimental of consequences.

When you ignore this aspect of yourself it shows up as depression, anxiety, idiopathic chronic dis-ease, drug abuse, alcoholism, cancer, etc…

Notice with the body and mind that there are things we do DAILY to nourish and replenish them: exercise, hygiene, sleep, food, water, work, entertainment, even education.

But, for some, spirit is expected to exist on merely one hour, one day a week of nourishment! 

There is no doubt that the body is more fragile than the mind or the spirit, which is why there are such clear cues as to when it needs to be fed, watered or aired. Yet, still a person whose spirit is considerably neglected will develop things like anorexia or suicidal ideation which is counter intuitive (and overrides the desire) for physical survival. 

Ok so now, over the course of your life, how much time has been dedicated to the care and feeding of your spirit compared to your body and mind? 

Get a calendar, I’ll wait…

We both know over the course of your life you have neglected your spirit far more than you have neglected your mind and your body, right?


Not saying you haven’t neglected them too, but by and large most people neglect their spirit most of all. 

As I said, the spirit is the energetic body of the body/mind/spirit combo, therefore whatever happens to the body and mind affects the spirit and vice verse. When we experience trauma, grief, or other emotional pain we experience it in all three aspects, but again it is usually just the body and mind that get the attention for healing. This means that there are all kinds of leftovers in our spirit refrigerator that need clearing out. 

Again, this is not a one and done thing. Even when we think we’ve processed effectively, every time we think about the event and it brings up emotions in response we are re-experiencing the event and therefore causing more harm that needs to be healed. We are calling back the energy of that event and storing it in our energetic body.

This is why The Healing Rite of Passage Retreat/Workshop promises to be one of the most important things you will ever do for your body, mind AND spirit. 

  • You will learn how to access your energetic body and clear out blockages and heal wounds. 
  • You will learn new communication techniques that allow you to speak from your spirit and not your ego. 
  • You will develop new relationships with like-minded journeyers. 
  • You will have the experience of living from your spirit for two days. 
  • You will experience shamanic healing.
  • You will experience facilitating healing for others.
  • You will experience a lightness of body, mind and spirit as you release what no longer serves you. 
  • …and so so SO much more.

And after the closing ceremony your life will never be the same (unless you choose it to be so).

A rite of passage, by definition, is a ceremony or event marking an important stage in someone’s life. If you are ready for the past to be the past, to release old relationships and wounds, or just take the opportunity to give your spirit the intensive care it needs, then you need to reserve your spot in our Transformation Circle today. 

When: September 16 & 17, 2017
Where: Waterford, Michigan
Early Bird Registration: $500
Registration after September 1, 2017: $675

For tickets: https://squareup.com/store/judy-klemos

Recommended affordable nearby accommodations

http://www.oldemillinnofclarkston.com/

Three Years of Healing

I don’t even have enough words to tell you how much I love my life. 

Three years ago, I felt debilitated. Not many know that, as I never wanted pain to get in my way of living, but everyday was a struggle. What I felt almost on a daily basis like getting the flu body aches two days after having done a super hard work out at the gym. The body aches often felt like my muscles were being ripped from my bones with each step I took. By the end of a day of work, trumping up my apartment stairs and walking the dogs took the last ounces of energy I had. So cooking was done on a large scale, twice a week, maybe three times. I cooked in large quantities and we ate leftovers all week. 

I hurt everywhere all the time. The best way I can describe it is to say that on the average my pain was at a seven or eight on a daily basis, with really bad days at ten and would have me calling off work. On top of the fibromyalgia I had migraines.

 

Just three years ago.

To some that might seem a long time. To others that might sound like a day. What you don’t know know is that this is something I was battling for almost fifteen years before that. It started with gaining weight and not being able to sleep.
Over the course of those fifteen years I dedicated my life to healthy living. I sorted fads from fact, embraced alternative perspectives and double checked every resource to guard against bias. I combined energetic, allopathic, naturopathic, and homeopathic.
Looking back, as dedicated as I was, I can see now that despite my best efforts, I was taking two steps forward and four steps back.
Doing things like leaving my 20 year marriage and changing jobs helped me gain some ground, but it wasn’t enough. While one thing would heal, more symptoms would move to the forefront, resulting in the final diagnosis of fibromyalgia.
I never ever stopped believing though; all the Universal Laws and Principles held me fast. Just because I wasn’t seeing the results I intended, didn’t shake my faith in my understanding how this Universe works.

My faith is bigger than my experience.

However, I never got comfortable one landing place. I was always using the opportunity to learn and evolve more. Again, I separated fad from fact and in some cases from the fanatical. I took volumes of notes, digested them and pared them all down to simple no-nonsense experiential interventions.  Faith doesn’t have a landing place either. One does not simply remain with the childhood structure you were spoon fed; that would be irresponsible. You must explore all other alternatives so that you know that which you hold, is the most fitting treasure.
Faith has to be bigger than your experience or it isn’t faith, its logic.
Faith is doing something you know is good for you even if it doesn’t land you the results you most wish. It keeps me eating healthy even though the scale does not move. It keeps me walking even when it sometimes hurts more for a short time. It keeps me doing QiGong even though it hurts to stand that long.

What?

Yes.

Remember when I told you I love my life? Now we are getting to the heart of it.

While three years ago I felt debilitated, I no longer do. On a daily basis my pain level is on average a one. When I stand too long or go grocery shopping it can shoot up to an eight or even as high as ten. When I allow myself to get chilled, it skyrockets as well.

But that’s not all I love about my life.

Now, this is the part where so many of my colleagues would list things like million dollar homes, five figure monthly incomes, constant client flow or about half a dozen other ‘measures of success’ they think is enviable.

That’s not me though.

I like to give the whole picture, not just the shiny parts, because it isn’t the results that are important, but I’ll go into that in a moment…

Three years ago I walked out of a traditional color by numbers life, into a life I had never even imagined. I never did a vision board about it. I didn’t visualize it.

It came to me because I aligned myself which opened up the pathway for my life to find me.

Right now, I don’t have a million dollar house. I have a house we bought as a foreclosure and we haven’t finished rehabbing it yet. For the most part we do ok. When I look back on last year though, I realize we are doing far better than we were! Oh yeah, and my beloved had a stroke this past January (2017).

How can I love my life, you ask?

Because it isn’t about the results. Results can be shaded and highlighted to give you a false picture. Like those colleagues that tell you they ‘manifested a million dollar house’ but don’t tell you they are renting it. (Not that there is anything wrong with renting it, but that part is always left out.)

Results ebb and flow. Sometimes there will be shit tons of money flowing in and sometimes it will be flowing out. I’ll always be grateful for both.

My life is amazing. I have met and married the love of my life. A love that feels like home. Our relationship is far and away beyond anything I ever dreamt possible. Honestly, even with all my powers of visualization I could not have realized that this man was what I needed. We bought a house without the help of a financial institution. He has a steady influx of business and even when he had his stroke we have all we need and quite a lot of what we want.

Since I mentioned it, let’s talk about the stroke, for a minute. I know some are inclined to look at such a thing as a failure of LOA; that what I preach isn’t working, because if it did it would’ve protected us from such an event. But that isn’t how Life (or LOA for that matter) works. It really isn’t.

This beloved man that came into my life so late (yet right on time) had a small stroke in his brainstem on January 19, 2017. In case you don’t know, a ‘small’ stroke is not indicative of how much damage is done. It has to do with where the stroke occurred; in the small or large blood vessels. That said, the damage Chris has sustained was minimal and he’s recovered most of that. He got just enough of a scare that he started taking his health seriously. The things that remain impaired are serving as daily reminders of his need to put his health first.

There’s even more. My daughter who was struggling with so very much for these same three years has come through her dark night of the soul and promises to fulfill the Source potential within her. She has more clarity, passion and inspiration than ever before in her life. I literally have never been more proud of her.

You see the Universal Laws, Life, Awakening, Enlightenment etc.. aren’t about ‘manifesting only good stuff’; they are about establishing a structure that enables us to see the ‘bad’ stuff is just as valuable.

That’s the deal. To keep doing what you know is in alignment even when it doesn’t render you the results you intended.

Three years of healing has brought me here. To this amazing moment. A moment where I am fully aware at all times of all possibilities and am excited for the next and all its possibilities.

There is SOOOOOOOOO much that goes into Life it can’t even be summed up in one post, maybe not even one book. However, I will try to cover everything in my upcoming events, starting with the Healing Rite of Passage on September 16th and 17th, 2017. If you are interested please make sure to contact us for details and to reserve your spot.

Illness Is Your Soul’s Dis-Ease

don't compare memeIn 2009 I packed my, then 16 year old, daughter and moved out of my 20 year marriage. We moved in with a friend of mine, which did not turn out to be a healthy choice, and we moved yet again, 9 months later. After three years of separation, the divorce was finalized in January of 2012. 

In November of 2012, just six months into a new relationship, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. At its best it was unbearable, at its worst it was debilitating. I was working a 40 hour week as a social worker in a social service agency. A career I had been very very good at for 28 years. Some even said I was born to do it.  

Just like the marriage, the job/career no longer served me. They were both killing me.

I had ‘done everything right’, but it all ‘went wrong’. I tried to follow the standards that society set up for me: Go to college, establish yourself in a long-term career, get married/stay married, raise babies, secure a retirement fund and when you retire you can do all the things you dreamed.

In other words, be safe.

In June of 2013 my beloved and I took a three day vacation. It was 8 months after being diagnosed and I hadn’t had a day free of pain since before the diagnosis. We went deep into nature, a state park steeped in Native American history, lush with trees and running water. I was absolutely pain free for those three days. No electronics. No work. Hiking, eating, walking and napping.

Pain free.

That was my first clue that my illness was not physical at all, but spiritual.

A year later I quit my job, retired from social work and moved across two states to live with my beloved in a new area with lots of trees and water. That was three years ago. 

I KNOW now my dis-order was my soul growling, shedding, cracking and splitting up to the surface through the depths of illusion and facade that my ego (earth generated operating-system) had created. My soul was trying to reveal itself and my resistance to it was causing me pain. My life was literally making me sick.

In the three years since, I’ve published my first book, Strongest In Our Broken Places, married my beloved, stepped onto my path as a transformation facilitator and and am fully embracing my calling as a mentor, guide, companion, intuitive, healer, author, transformation workshop leader and medicine woman.  

Three years after beginning to live from my soul, I manage my physical condition without any pharmaceuticals. I tried them early on, but they made me feel so gross. I’ve travelled a path of natural remedies to get to this point now. I take a few natural supplements, receive torque technique chiropractic care, do QiGong daily, connect with nature daily and occasionally take over the counter pain relievers as necessary. The most important thing I do though, is live a soul-directed life. A life that feeds my soul. Finding THAT has been the single most important intervention in remedying my soul’s dis-ease. Today my pain free days outnumber my pain filled ones at least two to one. And when I feel that fibro pain, I know its because I’ve allowed myself to get away from my soul calling the shots.

Illness is not coincidence. It is a message from your soul. Its trying to tell you something is amiss and if you’ve been ignoring that message then it will begin to affect your physical health by way of dis-ease and dis-order. Listening to your soul is the single most important thing you can do for yourself, your loved ones, your health and the world. Anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia, CFS, bi-polar disorder, idiopathic anything etc…these are just a few of the many methods our souls use to communicate.

If you are ill, listen carefully to that message and if you need help translating it, seek out assistance from a holistic practitioner that resonates with you and always coordinate complementary care with your allopathic physician.

~Jade

Please Don’t Call Me Your Coach

I have an aversion to the title ‘Coach’. I toyed with it for awhile; life coach, transformational coach, spiritual coach, life advisor, spiritual advisor, etc. I cringe every time someone refers to me as their coach…and I REALLY cringe when someone tells me “every coach needs a coach” implying I needed to hire a coach.

NO WAY!

I have nothing against coaches. I actually endeavored to be a coach for a very long long time. At some point through that endeavor however, ‘coach’ no longer felt the way it used to. That feeling is what led me to identify as a Medicine Woman.

There is absolutely a place for coaches. A big wonderful lovely world for coaching, but, coaching no longer fits my soul. Not even a tiny little bit. There is no place for me in coaching.

I am a facilitator holding space for others to explore their sacredness. I don’t wish to coach, but holding space? Yes, holding space I can do for anyone and I definitely need people to hold space for me!

Holding space affords the opportunity for things to flow without rush or agenda. To pull from the murky depths of unconsciousness the golden nuggets of your truth. To be present and allow Spirit to flow through me to express whatever it needs to express, and to be present while it expresses through you whatever it needs to express.

Holding space is about the most honorable and sacred thing I can offer anyone. To hold space for their wounds to heal, their dreams to be born, their relationships to transcend and their spirits to ascend.

It’s sacred and I can’t think of anything better to do with my life!