Being judged by another is painful…and timely, as I just finished hitting ‘publish’ on my conflict resolution piece entitled “Don’t Be The Bigger Person”. (The judgement is not related to the article, but rather a response to an unrelated post where I responded quite openly and without reservation.)
I warn you, this is a processing piece. Many times I come to the computer after I’ve processed my experience. This is different. This is my process in action.
I feel misunderstood and I am tempted to clarify the record. But that energy does not feel good. It is possible that what I wrote is not what she read. In fact, that is likely so.
What I had to do is let go of the need to not be wrong. I had to let it be ok for them to hold on to their perceptions. Even if they involved me, they were none of my business and served a different purpose.
Once I let go of that, the ‘pain’ of being misunderstood was gone. Now its just a little sore from where I recoiled. My response served a different purpose than my intent and held more truth than this person was prepared to process.
What I also reminded myself is that this is not the first time this person did not resonate with me. So, this is further validation that we are not on the same vibrational frequency.
It feels like something must come next though. As though I need to act upon this experience in another way. I am moved to make a move.
This morning my cards included stepping into the Medicine Wheel to evaluate what I was holding onto from the past, what relationships I was holding onto that were toxic and draining and what I wanted my next chapter to look like. I think I have to let go of this particular space where this judgement took place. I think what I learned today was that I have vibrated past it and the valuable lessons it once gave me, give me no more.
I have a sense of grief at that. Because the one who holds the space was part of the discomfort today, but not the initiator of it. However, the initiator is in some ways sponsored by the holder.
Yes. I have to let go. Of all of it.
The ideas I attempted to communicate today are so beyond what I held in my head just yesterday, it seems. I cannot fault someone for their perspective, even if their perspective is faulting me.
That’s huge for me.
I cannot fault someone for their perspective, even if their perspective is faulting me.
This could not have happened in a more significant and poignant way. My lesson to not find fault in someone’s perspective (which I already accepted) even when their perspective is finding fault in me (this was the new expansion part).
My spiritual development is the reason I get out of bed every morning. I am one to measure my every thought action and deed against not only my own from the previous day, but also against every other one that comes across my awareness. It is the only way I can be assured I am doing my due diligence to be my highest best self every single day.
Today I expressed thoughts I’d had for a long time but found difficult to put into words. Today I found out the majority of society is not ready to hear them. On this subject, society is feeling the need to rectify a wrong by labeling a victim. Yet, this is incongruent to everything I know about living a fulfilling and high vibration life.
I have to leave them where they lie.
This is not an easy feeling for me. I hate it, actually. I don’t feel ‘better’ knowing that I may be on the cutting edge of new thought. A part of me still feels bad being misunderstood. Much like how I felt when my daughter was young and didn’t understand why I had to say no to something.
I’ll just let that sit there for a minute.
Being a leader doesn’t require us to be liked. It requires us to be open. To do what we believe to be right and be accountable if in the future it is determined we were wrong. I am always open to discussion and conversation. That can’t happen with name calling and labeling. And it can’t happen if someone else isn’t open to digest what we have to say. It goes without saying, I hope, that we must be open to digesting what another has to say as well.
Being open as leaders sometimes leaves us vulnerable to hecklers, to critics and to rejection. That is the way of it. No one said being on the Spiritual Path granted you reprieve from the above. In fact, just look at all the spiritual icons you know – every one of them has travelled that bumpy road. Not to compare myself to them, but what would make me think that I would be immune to something they were not?
There are moments when a shift occurs and you don’t even notice it. There are other moments that you are aware just caused a shift so big you can’t imagine the fall out. I have a feeling this is one of those times. It has a bittersweet taste, I’ll be honest. Not my most comfortable experience, to be sure, but that’s where growth happens. Growth is in the discomfortable places not in the comfortable ones.
Yay me. *sarcasm*
What the hell. This humaning is hard work. This spiritual endeavoring in a human body is even harder. I don’t regret it. Not one second of it. In fact, once I’ve processed I can even be grateful for it, because as I said growth happens in the discomfort zone.
See, I don’t preach this stuff, I live it!!
Thanks for witnessing my processing. It feels good to share it out loud today!
I love you!!!!!!!!