To My Child On Mother’s Day

Emma newbornMy Dear Child,

Being your mother has really always been about me.

It was my choice to be your mother.

It was my choice, not yours. You don’t owe me anything. I chose freely. Not only did I choose to have you, I went out of my way to manifest you!! I did everything in my power to create you out of pure Light. I wanted nothing more than to be a mom, your mom and I made it happen. You don’t owe me anything for that. It was my choice.

MY choice.

My choice to bring you into the world and to give you my all. It was not a sacrifice.

Not.

At.

All.

I’ve never sacrificed a single thing for you. Know that. What I let go of, I did so to hold something greater…You. That’s not a sacrifice. That’s wisdom. That’s Love. That’s Motherhood.

You didn’t ask to be here. I did. I asked you to be here. I appreciate that you gave your consent, volunteering when my plea went into the Universe, but it was still my ask.

I have given you everything I had to give, because I couldn’t not. Out of all the mothers in the world you chose to say ‘yes’ to me and I wanted to make sure I did the best job I possibly could.

And it is my job.

It’s my job…to be your mother. As such, it’s my job to love you unconditionally. Without condition. Do you hear that? Without condition. There are no conditions to my love. You don’t have to do a single thing to prove your love to me. You don’t owe me anything. It was my choice to have you and its my job to love you.

I made vows to you the moment I knew you existed. ‘Til death do us part, my love. ‘Til death do us part. There is nothing you could ever do to change that. That doesn’t mean I always agree with your choices (nor that you will always agree with mine), but it does mean that I will always be behind you (or next to you, whichever is more appropriate).

You’ve hated me for it sometimes, but that’s part of the job. My heart has been broken and will break a million times over, but that’s the job too. Because you did me the favor the day you were conceived. You fulfilled my dreams and now I support you in fulfilling your own, because that is my job.

And having that job is my privilege…

It’s my privilege to be your mom. To see you grow into a strong independent adult who sees the world through a unique lens. I did not raise you to be a cookie cutter follower, but a glorious trail blazer willing to do things your own way. To challenge the norm and embrace the underdog. Even when you challenged me, it was my privilege, because you made me a better version of myself.To see Life in a very different way from how I was taught.

It has been my privilege to hold you, wipe your tears, pick you up, dust you off and send you back on your path. It’s been my privilege to have a front row seat to your transformation. To be a witness to your triumphs and challenges.

My privilege.

My choice. My job. My privilege.

Me. Me. Me. Me. Me.

And above all this, it has been my truest joy.

Even with the heart aches and heart breaks (we’ve had more than our fair share, for sure), its been my joy to walk with you on this journey. The feeling of your finger wrapping around mine for the first time. The look on your face when you took your first steps towards me.Seeing your face light up when I came to pick you up. Having many adventures where we laughed so hard we cried. Watching you glean wisdom from your experiences – good and bad. To witness you blossom through the storms. Holding you together when you needed to fall apart. To be your first friend. To be your guide, your confidante and your sounding board.

These things and so much more…

Being your mother has been the greatest joy of my life.

Thank you.

I love you.

~ Momma

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