The Greatest Thing I Ever Did

I know you’ve heard it a lot. People say it around Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, but this is January and I’m still gonna say it.

The greatest thing I ever did was have a daughter and name her, Emma.

Last night Emma and her two best friends (besides me) came over for dinner. This has become our family tradition, Tuesdays With The ‘Rents. Sometimes it is just Emma and other times we get all three.

Last week two of us almost died. Like seriously. There were unrevealed coconut allergies and inhaled water during a laugh/swallowing debacle.

This week had a deeper theme with the loss of their mutual friend. Yet, there was still laughter. Around the table we had one with both parents living, one whose father died before he was born and mother now gone, one whose father died when she was three and mother now gone, one who was 16 when her father died, mother living and one who was 22 when her dad died, mother living.

Exploring grief is not considered normal dinner conversation. Yet, that is how we roll. It’s how I’ve always rolled. Whatever my daughter brought to the table I allowed, pun intended. No question was ever put off in hopes she would forget, no matter how uncomfortable. No topic was off limits, because you can’t get to comfortable bypassing discomfort.

As her friends reveal more of themselves I realize how much thought I really put into being a mother.

It started when I was a teenager. I always knew I wanted to be a mother, but my relationship with my own was…well…strained. Somewhere around 14 I began making notes in my head, of the things my mother did that caused me to feel badly about myself. I promised my future children that I would do things differently. I harbor no ill will against my mother, she absolutely did the best she was able to do. Though I didn’t understand that then, I do now. In that she provided me an experience of what I did not want, I am so grateful. My relationship with my mother fueled me to have a most incredible relationship with my daughter.

In doing that, my relationship with my mother shifted and she grabbed the opportunity to have a different relationship with my daughter than she had with me. And she was really good at it, too. The memories they made together formed a vital part of Emma’s foundation.

Last night it came up, in conversation, that I make a conscious choice to not manipulate Emma as she was growing up. I never said I was disappointed in her, I made sure to state I was disappointed in her choice. It was her choice and I supported her even when I disagreed with her. There was a time she was making choices that I couldn’t support, but I did make sure she knew that I would always supported her, just not her choices.

That may sound like a difference without a distinction or ‘just semantics’ to some, but last night I understood completely that there is indeed a distinction and the power of semantics is mighty. Because I did not set her up to want to please me -the authority figure- that is not in her wheelhouse today. Today she is free of the need to please others over herself or to require validation of her own experience. In short, what others think of her is none of her business. This left her free to question authority figures and not blindly trust them; thus she has never been an easy mark for predators of any sort.

Sometimes sharing this style of communication and thinking is new to Emma’s friends. In the past, it has even made her the odd person out. I know it did me as a parent. I had been criticized, mocked and judged by it. I’m sure she had similar experiences as she felt comfortable speaking about subjects that made others giggle and joke in discomfort. As she grows more in her confidence of who she is, she is attracting people to her that appreciate her. Thus, while these things may be foreign to them, they are not put off by it. Actually, they seem to be drawn in, if I may be so bold.

My husband and I met 6 years ago and aside from Emma he is the best thing to happen to me. He was the first guy to really understand how precious my relationship with Emma is. In fact, I often overheard him tell others that he had never seen a mother/daughter relationship like ours and how impressed he was with it. And that’s saying something because he came along when ‘I support you but not your choices’ was a weekly mantra in the house.

When I had Emma I was a shadow of the woman I am today.

I denied my needs to meet the needs of others. I worried what people thought of me. I cried often and for unknown reasons. I had an unsettled unhappiness within me. I had irrational fears. I worried all the time. I had a constant knot in my stomach. And worst of all I thought all of that was normal.

When I looked at her though something clicked in me. Something that said I needed to up my game. That living in worry, anxiety and fear were no way to actually live; and in fact, that life was not about surviving it, but blossoming in it.

So began my journey creating both the women we are today.

The way I see it now, being a mother is one rock I threw into a still pond. For that one rock (Emma) my energy ripples out through her and changes more lives – my husband, her roommate, her boyfriend. And hopefully they keep that going by sharing with others what we’ve shared with them.

But being a mother was not an altruistic task. I got out of it as much as I put into it. Being a mother changed who I became and made me a better person.

Truly the greatest thing I’ve ever done.

I love you.

~Jade

To My Child On Mother’s Day

Emma newbornMy Dear Child,

Being your mother has really always been about me.

It was my choice to be your mother.

It was my choice, not yours. You don’t owe me anything. I chose freely. Not only did I choose to have you, I went out of my way to manifest you!! I did everything in my power to create you out of pure Light. I wanted nothing more than to be a mom, your mom and I made it happen. You don’t owe me anything for that. It was my choice.

MY choice.

My choice to bring you into the world and to give you my all. It was not a sacrifice.

Not.

At.

All.

I’ve never sacrificed a single thing for you. Know that. What I let go of, I did so to hold something greater…You. That’s not a sacrifice. That’s wisdom. That’s Love. That’s Motherhood.

You didn’t ask to be here. I did. I asked you to be here. I appreciate that you gave your consent, volunteering when my plea went into the Universe, but it was still my ask.

I have given you everything I had to give, because I couldn’t not. Out of all the mothers in the world you chose to say ‘yes’ to me and I wanted to make sure I did the best job I possibly could.

And it is my job.

It’s my job…to be your mother. As such, it’s my job to love you unconditionally. Without condition. Do you hear that? Without condition. There are no conditions to my love. You don’t have to do a single thing to prove your love to me. You don’t owe me anything. It was my choice to have you and its my job to love you.

I made vows to you the moment I knew you existed. ‘Til death do us part, my love. ‘Til death do us part. There is nothing you could ever do to change that. That doesn’t mean I always agree with your choices (nor that you will always agree with mine), but it does mean that I will always be behind you (or next to you, whichever is more appropriate).

You’ve hated me for it sometimes, but that’s part of the job. My heart has been broken and will break a million times over, but that’s the job too. Because you did me the favor the day you were conceived. You fulfilled my dreams and now I support you in fulfilling your own, because that is my job.

And having that job is my privilege…

It’s my privilege to be your mom. To see you grow into a strong independent adult who sees the world through a unique lens. I did not raise you to be a cookie cutter follower, but a glorious trail blazer willing to do things your own way. To challenge the norm and embrace the underdog. Even when you challenged me, it was my privilege, because you made me a better version of myself.To see Life in a very different way from how I was taught.

It has been my privilege to hold you, wipe your tears, pick you up, dust you off and send you back on your path. It’s been my privilege to have a front row seat to your transformation. To be a witness to your triumphs and challenges.

My privilege.

My choice. My job. My privilege.

Me. Me. Me. Me. Me.

And above all this, it has been my truest joy.

Even with the heart aches and heart breaks (we’ve had more than our fair share, for sure), its been my joy to walk with you on this journey. The feeling of your finger wrapping around mine for the first time. The look on your face when you took your first steps towards me.Seeing your face light up when I came to pick you up. Having many adventures where we laughed so hard we cried. Watching you glean wisdom from your experiences – good and bad. To witness you blossom through the storms. Holding you together when you needed to fall apart. To be your first friend. To be your guide, your confidante and your sounding board.

These things and so much more…

Being your mother has been the greatest joy of my life.

Thank you.

I love you.

~ Momma

What Is A Strong Person?

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On my Facebook page I asked “When you think of a strong person, what comes to mind?” Inquiring into behaviors, actions, thoughts and philosophies. The answers were many an varied. Some I resonated with, some I did not. What I loved was the conversation we were having.
When I think of strong individuals I look to those who have experienced challenges and grown from them by becoming ‘better not bitter’. That’s the bottom line.
 
It is not someone who hides their truth and puts on a false smile. It is someone who feels the feels, cries the tears, then dries them and finds the takeaway.
 
It is someone who goes out of their way to do no harm, including doing no harm to his own self. Thus, it is NOT someone who cares more about others, than they do themselves, but instead, one who cares about others AS MUCH as they care about themselves.
 
It is someone who speaks truth, but in a kind way when it is most likely to be heard with an open heart.
 
It is someone who has suffered pain but keeps her heart open to those who show up and do the work.
 
It is also the someone who shows up and does the work.
 
It is someone who pushes through and assists others on the path, not run them over.
 
It is someone who has every reason and opportunity to be angry but chooses to love. It is someone who loves himself first and lets that love flow unto others.
 
It is someone who does not see things in ‘right or wrong’ or ‘fair’. It is someone who realizes everyone’s journey is different and has value.
 
It is someone who is not in competition to be better or worse than her sister/brother, but interested in being better than her self, yesterday.
 
I know a lot of strong women. I know a lot of strong men. I know a lot of individuals who think they are strong and are not (not for the reasons they think that is). I know a lot of individuals who think they are not strong but really are.
 
Your default setting is set on strong. You are strength incarnated because you are unconditional love and what could be stronger than that??!! There is nothing stronger than that!!! We can be convinced by societal conditioning that we are not strong because of thus and so. Its a lie. A misnomer. Misinformation. Hogwash.
 
Find your strength and choose better not bitter.
I love you!
~Jade

Jade’s work is different and we think you will find it effective and economic. It combines Jade’s knowledge and skills cultivated over three decades of psychiatry, human services, hospice, geriatrics, crystal healing, QiGong, Reiki, and Therapeutic Touch with her natural Spirit given gifts of intuition and being an empath.

Check out our Healing Rite of Passage Me-Treat & Workshops for 2018 

Join us for more conversation in our Facebook group Willow Song Firekeepers

As of now Jade is limiting the one on one work she does. For availability please email an inquiry.

To schedule services please review options here and email Jade here to make arrangements.

Unconditional Love – What is it Really?

This is a common misperception…that unconditional love and boundaries/standards are mutually exclusive!!

Unconditional love means you love someone the way they are. This does NOT mean you have to be in relationship with them.

Its kind of like loving dairy but not eating it because it causes you ill effects. You can love it but not consume it.

Having boundaries and standards of the way you wish to be treated in a particular relationship is a structure you design and you love people unconditionally within that structure. For instance, you might love your husband and your child unconditionally but because they are different relationship structures you love very differently, right?

Same thing with other relatives. Each relationship has its own structure, but the basis (if you love yourself) will be one of respect, integrity and honesty.

You don’t need to, in fact, you should never, accept just any old treatment from someone and call that loving them! That is not love, that is codependence.

 You can love someone unconditionally but if they cannot maintain a healthy dynamic with you, you can choose not to be in relationship with them.

Does that make sense?

I love you!
~Jade

My Magick Medicine

I was tasked by a mentor to write about my medicine in an exercise. 

I have the capability to see what isn’t seen and hear what hasn’t been said, to heal what hasn’t been healed. The magic to make the scariest moment totally surmountable.

From the moment someone contacts me, if we are a good match the healing energy begins to flow. I don’t even know if I’m ‘supposed’ to manage that or if that is just what is meant to be. It no longer drains me, I manage that, so perhaps this is how I know when we are in sync? This healing can be so powerful -even before commitments are made- that often that is all people need from me.

I create a space of pure self-empowerment. I empower no one. I only remove the layers of density in place that have convinced my clients of their powerlessness; like Michelangelo released David from the Marble.

I support, assist and facilitate. I facilitate opportunities for experiential exploration, assist is looking/interpreting them and support finding one’s own answers. This is the true Medicine Woman way. Not to fix things, but to allow the Self to realize there is no brokenness to fix.

Having a Medicine Woman support you is rather like the difference between using GPS and a map. GPS will tell you exactly how to get there, with (hopefully) no missteps. It tells you exactly how long it will take there and will suggest detours when delays occur. But with GPS you don’t learn how to navigate your own path.

But a Medicine Woman is like a map. She is a tool that presents  ALL the possible routes to get you where you want to go, which route do YOU want to travel? Which one suits you? If you get caught in a relationship/job/mindset, what way do YOU think is best to continue your journey? You learn how to navigate your own path which is a lifelong beneficial skill.

As always….

I love you.

 

~Jade

 

Jade’s work is different and we think you will find it effective and economic. It combines Jade’s knowledge and skills cultivated over three decades of psychiatry, human services, hospice, geriatrics, crystal healing, QiGong, Reiki, and Therapeutic Touch with her natural Spirit given gifts of intuition and being an empath.

Check out our Healing Rite of Passage Me-Treat & Workshops for 2018 

To schedule services please review options here and email Jade here to make arrangements.

When The ‘Cure’ Is Really Another Addiction

I can’t watch anymore!!!

I first saw this phenomenon about 15 years ago while working in a Psychiatrist’s office that offered Methodone as a treatment for opiod addiction. Methadone, is another opiod!

After this awakening, I began to see this pattern everywhere and most recently in the self-help arena where my interests lie these days.

Anything – and I do mean anything – can become an addiction, knowingly or unknowingly. I have said it for years about the fitness industry. That quite often those most vocal and visible in the physical fitness arena are using physical training as a drug to avoid deep emotional work.

In recent experience, I’ve encountered a teacher who broke me out of a rut pattern of thinking and from which I launched myself into an ever more expansive evolution. However, alongside me I observed those who seem to not recognize that they used old techniques with the new information to achieve yet another continuous loop of highs and lows. This guy now has a huge fanbase…yes, fanbase. That should likely be a red flag. If you have people buying multiple products or watching video after video, its feel good entertainment, not a development tool.

I have had clients who seem to fit this category, even though my work is based on doing deep self-reflective experiential activity. Still, I find some merely seeking personal development as a replacement addiction. They get high on ‘aha’ moments and then really do nothing with the ‘aha’ information and soon they experience the low again. Then they search for more ‘enlightenment’, find their ‘aha’ and are on the upswing again for awhile. Eventually, all they are doing is repeating ‘aha’ moments, which really makes them ‘ah-no’ moments.

As a Medicine Woman, I don’t want to hear that I make you feel better. I want to hear that I showed you how you can make yourself feel better.

Cycling is cycling; and cycling, my friend, is addiction. In successful personal development or emotional healing, you don’t cycle, so much as spiral upwards and outwards when you are expanding. When you are stuck in an addiction cycle you have highs and lows. When you are spiritually or personally expanding, you experience ebbs and flows just like an ocean tide. This is very different from the highs and lows of the addiction cycle.

Its hard for me to watch people go from the early stages of ‘aha’ and skip right to “I’m going to help others have ‘aha’ moments”, because they haven’t invested enough time in themselves to have broken their cycle of addiction, yet.

Take the time to test drive your aha’s. Take them around the block for awhile. Try them on in all kinds of light. Let them stand the test of time.

Let them lead you to bigger ‘ahas’, then bigger ‘ahas’ and when they no longer feel like ‘ahas’ (but rather your everyday life) then proceed on to taking on the role of teacher for others. If you rush it, you are doing yourself and those you encounter a disservice; in fact, you are actually feeding your addiction and avoiding your true growth.

Its SO exciting to be on this path. I get it. But rushing it serves no higher good. This would be like ‘rushing’ to get done with an hour of meditation. 🙂 I used to be like that, too. I remember. I would lie in the tub and think ‘hurry up, relax already!’ It was absurd! Then I did the same with meditation. Measuring my success by the time that passed rather than the quality of the time spent (however long it might be).

I applaud those on this path and those who have the passion to go on to be of service to others. I caution you to do it wisely though. Don’t rush. I’ve been doing this 30 years and I still have aha moments and I will until I die. It was a long time of ahas before I hung my shingle up. I owed it to myself and my daughter (my first student) to really know what the heck I was doing. This has only been a benefit to my many clients.

I love you and only want the highest life for you!

~Jade

 

 

Why We Say Things We Don’t Mean To Our Adult Children

Ever have the experience of saying something to your adult child and almost immediately regret it, because it didn’t come out the way you intended to or because it sounded completely ass-ish outside of your head?

We say things we don’t mean because we aren’t saying the things we really mean.

Something like “You don’t do this right” could be hiding “I miss you.” “When are you going to do what you said you would do?” is really covering up “When can we spend time together?” The more the discord, the more the distance.

But what if you’ve said what you need to say? You’ve asked for what you need and still you don’t get it?

I find that the more I am missing someone the more tongue-tied I become. When I do see them then all these emotions come flooding through at once and I am at a loss to try to control the flow. When I’ve asked for something again and again and I don’t get it, I get sad. I know people have their own lives, their own agendas, their own ways, but when there’s no room left for me I feel neglected. That doesn’t always get expressed in the most eloquent of ways and for that I have to apologize.

What to do then?

“Love them and give them room” is the answer that Spirit has given me.

I don’t think this is anymore difficult than in a parent/adult child relationship. From the moment of conception a parent is a parent. By the time that child become an adult, that parent has spent the majority of their adult life dedicated to the spiritual, emotional, mental and physical development of that developing person. All parents do this to a greater or lesser degree.

So, as the adult child peels away to begin to carve out their own space in this life, this can feel counterintuitive to the parent. This is the VOID, aka empty-nest syndrome. It isn’t about having empty rooms in your house so much as it is having empty space in your life.

Empty space.

Even the words sound painful. Where once there was “I am so busy I have no time for myself” now there is “I have so much time to myself I don’t know what to do with it all.” And while your first thought is always your child and how each decision you make will affect them, their first thought is now – rightfully so – how their decisions will affect themselves…not you.

This is normal. This is not selfish. This is expansion and you did it too. While we may have ventured to be different parents than the ones who raised us, we will repeat some patterns until we consciously examine them.

It feels like abandonment.

And I promise you, whether you’ve attended to your abandonment issues or not, they WILL real their ugly heads one more time here! 

I’m not going to sugar coat it. It feels like this piece of your heart that you gave legs to, just up and walked out without considering your feelings at all. But it isn’t their job to consider your feelings…not like that anyhow. Yes, in how they speak to you and how they treat you, but going on and designing a life of their own requires no invoice to you. You have to catch yourself when you start feeling abandoned and do a reality check. What were you doing at that age? How did YOU feel about your parents?

So what happens now?

Now we learn how to make decisions without thinking of them first. Its time to put ourselves first again. We take a good look at our expectations of others and ask ourselves, if the roles were reversed what would our actions be? What might our intention be? And…how best can we support that adult child in this new phase of our relationship? (Hint: Sometimes the best support looks like nothing.)

We also learn how to use that empty space to our advantage. The Universe empties that which is full and fills that which is empty. So, be open to what the Universe is about to send you. Don’t look to substitute, just allow what is supposed to fill that space to come at its own pace.

Your relationship will find its new normal. A normal that is equal to the time, love and attention you started it with. Everything will settle into its equilibrium. You will have a new and beautiful relationship with your child, once again – as soon as you stop expecting it to return to something it was before. It’s preparing to be something it has never been, much like a caterpillar in its cocoon on the way to being a butterfly.

Be patient…you’re a parent, you’ve got lots of experience with that.

I love you.

I SO love you.

~Jade